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10 year old feels unloved(7 Posts)
Please can some one help?? Im at my wits end with my 10yo ds.
He was 8 when i got pregnant with dd and we were all very excited, he was and still is the best brother a girl could ask for, my problem is whenever i ask him to do simple tasks like brushing his teeth or even putting his coat on, he has a massive melt down and tells me i dont love him and i love dd more.
As a single parent i do find it difficult to split myself but we do things as a family of 3, we all play together, we read together, my housework suffers some days as i feel playing with and encouraging my kids is more important.
Dd goes to bed at 7pm so ds gets a half hour on xbox while I get housework done which is fine, but when it comes to him getting ready for bed i supposedly dont love him cause i ask him to get his own pjs from his drawers and ask him to brush his teeth.
I have explained so many times that taking care of his hygiene is because i love him and he isnt less loved than his sister. She is only 2 so does need that little bit more attention but i have 1-1 time with son when i can.
Anyway.... My need for help is what else can i say or do to help him. How do i tell him he hurts me terribly when he says this stuff? Im in tears most days because of this. His attitude has changed massively for the worst.
Sounds like he is wanting more attention, does he have to play on Xbox and you tidy when Dd has gone to bed? Doing something with him for that half an hour may make the world of difference, I'm a single mum of three and our bed time routine takes a couple of hours because I read to each child alone so they get daily 1:1 time, this has had a positive impact on their behaviour
It sounds a bit like he is trying to use your Achilles heel to make you do the stuff he doesn’t like. My 10-year-old is incredibly lazy and hates tidying up/getting himself dressed/Brushing his teeth. He would use any reason to moan about these. If you are giving him quite a big reaction when he says these things he will keep saying them. We have four kids and they often ask who the favourite is. And accuse us of loving one more than the other. I downplay these And act like it is a ridiculous suggestion.
I would also get him to do those Getting ready for bed things before playing on the Xbox. Mine are always a bit naughty afterwards, and not at all helpful. I Always make them get Completely ready for bed if we have any evenings screen time, Otherwise afterwards it is always a big to do.
Agree with not leaving him alone in that half-hour before bed - stay with him even if he plays the xbox or play something just with him. I think he is looking for one-to-one time - obviously you'll help a 2 year old with the basic tasks but to him it will look as if the tot is getting more 'time' than him and he has to do all the grown up stuff himself (which is not necessarily wrong, but it may well feel like an injustice!).
Another vote for spending that half an hour with him, even if you ate both just snugged up together watching TV or reading. Also agree with making him do things like getting his PJs out before any gaming time.
What time does he go to bed?
I have decided to unplug xbox for the weekend so we have all the time together. He knows its not as punishment and seems pretty happy about it. He usually goes to bed between half 8-9 on a school night and 9.30-10 on a weekend.
Could you bring his bedtime forward in the week to eight and spend half an hour reading to him so that he gets your undivided attention?