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Regretting not making the most of younger years

(2 Posts)
missmaryp Fri 19-May-17 15:13:37

Am I the only one who has a regular feeling of regret (can't think of a better adjective, but not sure that's 100% accurate) for not appreciating the younger years of your child's life?

My DD is 11, starting secondary school in Sep, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the last few years unsuccessfully, so I'm aware the feelings I have may very much be all a part of that too!

When I properly interrogate the last 11 years, or if I were to ask my friends and family, I can see that I have spent lots of time, love and energy bringing up my daughter. We laugh together, she's a happy kid.

So why do I feel so very guilty that I haven't made the most of the 11 years and feel a sense of loss that those younger childhood years are gone and I should have been so much more 'present' than I was?

I'm wondering if I need to find us a hobby to do together? We don't spend quality time together and I think bloody facebook memories are reflecting back a rosy ideal of what life was like when she was younger and that's contributing to my feelings now.

Not sure what I'm looking for here - perhaps just hearing I'm not th only one struggling with a feeling of loss over the younger childhood years, and some strategies to make sure I'm not feeling the same about her teenage years int he future?!

crazycrofter Sun 28-May-17 08:53:49

Hi! I can't really suggest anything but I feel the same often - part regret and part grief for the younger years that have gone. I have 2 children, 13 and nearly 11, so both will be at secondary school come September.

I would brace yourself for it getting worse before it gets better actually - they really do grow away from you in certain ways once they're at secondary and it's all about friends. But ... my daughter will talk to me about friendship issues, boys, school, TV series etc and I think it's starting to get better again now but in a different way.

It's nice to find series to watch together - we're just about to start the new Anne of Green Gables one. Also, I will put the radio on downstairs and listen with her so I know all the songs in the charts now!

I'm sure nostalgia and regret are just a normal part of life and we'll probably feel the same about the teenage years in 10 years time! I think you forget the difficult times too!

Good luck with secondary school and this new phase of life!

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