very challenging 11yr old

[nellieloula]

First time preteen parent here! We have had a very testing weekend with our DS - he is extremely angry at the moment (doesn't seem to be any reason for it), defiant and so rude - so, the usual preteen joy. But he also seems unable to accept no for an answer; challenges everything we say repeatedly, like a toddler. It's been a horrible few days with endless shouting. Just wondering if anyone has any top tips for dealing with this and if there are any books people can recommend? Thank you!

[Notapissingcontest]

My God, I need to follow this thread too!

[missyB1]

123 magic (Amazon) is a great book for teaching you how to avoid letting kids manipulate you into arguments and endless negotiations. It has specific examples of how to nip situations in the bud before it becomes a full blown scene.

[nellieloula]

thank you - yes, I used 123 magic when they were younger...would it still work now though? Suppose it could...will revisit!

[missyB1]

I even used it for one of my teens, he could start an argument in an empty room!

[Zippydoodah]

My daughter is like this and it started the moment she began secondary school. Is he in year 6 or 7?

We found sanctions didn't work and only escalated the problem.

I would try getting him on his own. Take him into town or out for a long walk and start to chat and probe and see if there is anything on his mind. Children often act out before they confide.