'I know' - stock response to ^everything^

[PlectrumElectrum]

Hi,

I'm looking for any help/advice on how to deal with this attitude from my almost 12 yr old DD. It's becoming an issue not just for me dealing with her but at school & extra curricular activities as well. The result is, at present, missing important details of whatever task she's being given & mistakes/lack of progress/frustration etc.

My gut feeling is this comes from a sense of wanting to be seen as confident/capable without being told things, with a lot of impatience with having to work through things properly to get to the point of actually knowing things/how to do things. I also suspect there's an underlying lack of confidence & this reaction is a way to overcompensate for this? Don't know if that makes sense?

2 examples -

1. maths has been a bit of a tricky subject - she has the ability but not the patience to do the work. Her teacher has told me that she tells her in lessons what to do, but DD reverts back to other, earlier, lessons on mental arithmetic without writing down working or rushing through with not very presentable work which may be right but missed the point of lesson. DD 'knows' how to do it & tells teacher she knows what she's doing & doesn't take the subtle & not do subtle nudges on what she's not doing because (more often than not) she's got the answer correct.
   
   
2. DD has been horse riding for nearly 6 years. Her progress has stalled a bit for various reasons not of her doing but she's desperate to be given more freedom to ride without a leader. I've asked her teacher how she's getting on, where she is in terms of progress & she's come back with similar comments - not listening to what she's been told because she knows etc.
   
   She's not as rude/dismissive to teacher/tutor etc. as she is with me but she's missing details which are important & I'm having trouble getting through to her to get her to realise what she's missing & why that's going to impact her adversely etc. She 'shuts off' when I try & speak to her so I'm looking for any advice/tips on ways to deal with this that gets through to her.
   
   I'm sure it's an 'age' thing & I'm sure quite common but I'm really struggling to get through to her so any help/advice welcome!
   
   Thanks.

[hayleyB79]

I'm sure its an age thing. My 12 year old daughter says "I know" about anything she is asked to do even though if you don't ask or tell her to do something it won't get done.

[normastits5]

Yes my 12 year old DS has adopted this response as his de fault reply to everything