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Is this normal or is my 8yr old DD a sociopath!!!

(20 Posts)
Doubletroublemummy2 Mon 20-Feb-17 21:41:15

I have twin girls who are very different from one another and over the past few months TD1 has had a major down turn in behaviour. She has always been a bit of an upity madam but recently it just seem to be getting out of hand. Last night as an example, she was messing around in her and sisters bedroom and ended up breaking something of her sisters. She immediatly lied about it saying she has no idea what happended as she was asleep. I took an hour today to get the truth out of her. This is bit of a trend at the moment. She says sher lied because she didn't want to be told off, I think she is doing to see what see can get away with. After getting the truth out of her, and explaining that I am more upset with the lying than with her accidently breaking something, we discussed how she could make right with her sister, firstly by appologising and secondly by offering to pay for or replace the item. They decided she would replace the (£3) item with some chocs and a MLP surprise pack. Tonight at bed time i over hear her telling her sister she won't be making the previously agreed reparation, with great delight! When I confronted her she stropped and cried because DT2 would never buy her anything, because DT2 never breaks DT1's stuff. When she goes to bed, she discovers some old snotty tissues and throws them on her sisters bed. At which point I totally loose my rag and she is sent to bed with no story or cuddles!! This sort of saga is becoming a daily event at the moment I would be grateful for any advice( or offers to have her!!!wink)

MommaGee Mon 20-Feb-17 21:43:18

flowers

MamaHanji Mon 20-Feb-17 21:51:35

I definitely don't think she is a sociopath. I was a horrid child. Like truly horrible and mean! For some reason it was like an experiment to see how my actions could make people feel. And at that age I only did it negatively. It was a power thing for me and if it helps, I'm not a sociopath. I was a horrid and very difficult child, but I grew out of it at around 16 and now I'm (I hope!) lovely!

MamaHanji Mon 20-Feb-17 21:52:22

But if you are worried then you can try and be put in contact with MIMHS through your gp.

PopcornBits Mon 20-Feb-17 21:53:24

Is she being naughty because she realises she gets attention even if it's not the right attention?
My daughter does things like this, what I read was when they start trying to gain your attention - whether that's being naughty or trying to clown about, it's apparently best to divert the attention away by saying something like, let's go and bake, or saying something that takes them by surprise without their antics actually being acknowledged.
Do you think it is attention seeking?

BeccaAnn Mon 20-Feb-17 21:56:28

Hi, is she just testing boundaries a bit more? maybe she's trying to assert her own identity? I can imagine being a twin can be difficult at times, are they identical?
flowers

Astro55 Mon 20-Feb-17 22:01:05

I think it's jealousy - they want the attention and get it negatively.

You need to decide on a plan and stick to it -

She will see unfairness in everything - ask her to be involved in some house rules and be stict

omnishamblesssssssssssssss Mon 20-Feb-17 22:11:24

You spent an hour trying to get the truth from her and later you unnecessarily lost your rag. I understand it must be annoying but That's quite a lot of negative attention from you. Are you able to concentrate on her positive points? Does she feel valued? Does she feel that her sister is the golden child?

Msqueen33 Mon 20-Feb-17 22:16:02

My 8 year old is a bit like this at the moment. She's not a sociopath. I would say kids are sensitive despite not appearing so and if you're mentally labelling her a sociopath she may well feel your actions speak loudly. My 8 yr old has two siblings with autism and winds them up. I brought one a promised toy but also brought my 8 year old a doll so she didn't feel left out. Twenty minutes later because I asked her to come off the iPad she'd taken I was horrible and awful and her sister had bitten her and she had a full on strop for twenty odd minutes. She tells little lies (if her sister bite her you'd know about it). It's a funny age. Hormones, emotional development. I try to meet mine with positivity despite wanting to throttle the little love at times.

Doubletroublemummy2 Mon 20-Feb-17 22:29:09

I have tried to make a big deal of her positve points, get her involved with cooking etc. but moments later she will have created another drama. The example I gave is only one of an ongoing thing, every day probably for the last 6 weeks at least.

I am very aware of the negative attention she is getting, but the positive attention doesn't seem to be having any impact, in fact she seems to flaunt it in her sisters face. (who is avery chilled out character and not overly bothered). I am running out of ways to deal with her and encourage more thoughtful considerate behaviour and I am beginning to worry that me constantly getting at her is not going to make this better. however I am torn as feel I cannot let it lie when she is deliberatly unkind to her sister.

Doubletroublemummy2 Mon 20-Feb-17 22:33:03

That gives me hope! only 7 and a more years grin i am so hoping it's a phase. If I didn't know better I'd say she had long term PMS at the moment!!

mummymummums Mon 20-Feb-17 22:38:47

Sounds like my 10 and 8 year olds. Non stop bickering, baiting, one upmanship and sneaky comments. Siblings! Drives me nuts but pretty normal I think.

Didiplanthis Sun 02-Apr-17 21:32:02

I have 5 yr old id twin boys. I am seeing glimmers of this with DT1. I feel he is struggling a bit with the whole twin thing. He gets very jealous of DT2 and has started to lie about stuff with huge screaming tantrums about the perceived unfairness of life. I'm at a bit of a loss really too. I think the twin dynamic is very hard to understand and even harder to negotiate.

Msqueen33 Sun 02-Apr-17 21:42:03

Often my dd with autism is easier as she's not such a moaning drama queen.

threekidsandcrazy Wed 12-Apr-17 13:55:49

Am so happy to find this thread, and I feel your pain. I have twin girls, just about to turn 8, and I have very similar issues to yours. DT1 is mostly easy going and DT2 drives me batshit crazy; in her case she also articulates"you love DT1 more than you love me" and lots and lots of crying for totally invented shite reasons. They are in the same class at school: as of next year we are splitting them (we also get "DT1 is cleverer than me at maths (true) and she is mean to me about it (hard to know whether that is true or not)" ... it's REALLY HARD especially when they have so many interactions I am not party to.

I think it's partly an age thing, and partly a twin thing. SIGH.

RoseSonata Wed 12-Apr-17 13:59:46

Little lies about not breaking things are really common at this age. I think that spending an hour getting her to admit the lie is a bit OTT tbh.

BlueChairs Wed 12-Apr-17 14:03:55

Lol my mum hated my sister aged 8 - still shudders to think of it now 😂 she grew out of it by around 9/10

Msqueen33 Wed 12-Apr-17 14:12:08

Mine talks constantly, is silly, immature and acts like she's high all the time. Her 7 year old sister with autism is easier most of the time.

Melissa980 Sat 13-May-17 12:38:02

you're terrible for thinking she is a sociopath.. get educated

SirVixofVixHall Sat 13-May-17 12:41:24

My dds are very truthful, partly temperment, and partly because since they were tiny, I've made a big thing of not being cross about the truth, but being very cross indeed about a lie. Other than that though, I have two dds, who while not twins are very close emotionally, and share a room. Everything you've written sounds hilariously familiar to me. All normal. She's pushing her luck, yes, totally normal for 8, and for a child with a close sibling. gin for you. grin

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