Overweight DD - what to do

[GhostlyAbode]

So my DD age 13 just, is on the 97th percentile for weight on the NHS BMI charts and comes under the overweight category but just one level under the morbidly obese section.

I am and always have been morbidly obese (5ft 9, 20 stone) and have definite emotional eating issues, sugar addictions and disorganised eating. I don't do any specific excersise. DH is a healthy weight, does quite a bit of running and cycling but again has disordered eating - his being not eating all day and then having a Chocolate bar.

We are no angels with food at home but have tried to mitigate our own issues with sensible eating at home and open conversations about emotional eating etc.

DD drinks mainly water, we very rarely have a pudding, have fruit available, we do have a biscuit tin and things like hot cross buns in the house.

DD is not bothered about her weight (or so she says), not motivated to do anything about it, does not enjoy excersise and has a sweet tooth - just like me.

I have tried to change my own issues and get her to try the same (unknowingly or with the tag she is helping me) but I always fail / fall of the wagon and think this is not setting her a good example.

What can I do. Should I take her to the gp and get 'medical' input?

She obviously needs to eat less ( probably carbs and sugar), make healthier choices when we are not around, and move more. But how do I motivate her, teach her that when a) she's not interested and b) I can't even do it for myself?

I hated my parents for not intervening in my weight issues but I don't want to make it worse or give her issues.

Ps. Newspapers- I expressly forbid you from using my post.

[Groovee]

Slimming world allow teens to go free with a paying parent. There is so much food to eat which aids weight loss and I often cook from scratch and can have "treats".

My friend and her Dd have been going for about a year and are both doing really well x

[Bluntness100]

To be fair she's probably due a growth spurt, so it may sort itself out, you'd be surprised how it does. I'd focus on healthy eating at home at this stage.

[ijustwannadance]

Honestly, I think the only thing you can do is lead my example. You are the adult. Deal with your own issues first.

[OneWeek]

I agree with ijustwannadance. The only real way to tackle this is to sort out your eating issues first. Children have a nose for "do as I say, not as I do" and will absolutely ignore injunctions and decrees from on high if they see you doing the opposite.

I've made huge changes in our family's eating habits over the past year, but I sorted myself out first and the DC watched me like hawks. When they saw I was serious and the changes were having a positive impact, they started following my example.

[GhostlyAbode]

Totally agree about sorting myself out first and hate myself for giving her issues but it's a bit like like telling an alcoholic to stop drinking! I am in therapy and have good and bad days with food. And I talk openly ( yet at appropriate level) with DD about it.

SW - I have done and failed on before. So don't want to go again. Also I'm not sure I want DD exposed to the business side of loosing weight.

However I can resolve to do more, especially on the excersise front.

[Luckything50]

I'm your height and have also almost been your weight. Have struggled to be slimmer all my life and always done quite a bit of exercise (gym 4-5 times a week, swim a mile etc) so now accept that although it makes me feel better, it doesn't really help me lose weight. Have tried many things over the years but don't 'fad' eat, I just am and always will be a big girl. I have 2 dc, ds has inherited dh frame and can eat anything, dd (11) poor thing has my body and I am trying to teach her to deal with it. She swims competitively, plays football and netball and walks to school and still gets called fat, she's slso 97th percentile. Anyway, I posted because I want to recommend diet doctor.com. Have a look, it all free and has made a massive difference to my body recently. Although I will always be big, I'm realising that my frame has so much to do with this and actually I'm starting to look almost lean having dropped 3 stone. The idea is that you eat more fat and fewer carbs and sugar but are rarely hungry due to the healthy fat. I can't recommend it strongly enough, after 49 years of supposed healthy eating (pasta and tomato sauce etc) I now realise it wasn't right for my body. You might find the same.

[Tootsiepops]

Have you read the latest research, op?

well.blogs.nytimes.com/2016/06/16/parents-should-avoid-comments-on-a-childs-weight/?_r=0

Tread very carefully...

[PinxTheTinxMinx]

I think it'd be great if you could do it together. At 13 she's old enough to start cooking, shopping etc. It's a perfect way to teach her and re-teach yourself.

My DCs at 12 & 10 help me meal plan, they pack their own lunches and my youngest comes shopping with me. My eldest was starting to get a bit of a tum on him as he was eating crap at school, but once I started getting him involved his food choices have vastly improved.

Good luck

[fluffiphlox]

Try parkrun. Or Country Walking magazine are doing a 1000 mile walking challenge (over the year). Do more, eat less, especially fewer carbs. The whole family needs to get active.

[Thingsgettingstranger]

Make it fun. Don't go for a long jog round the park for her - go on a hike somewhere interesting, play games such as tennis, football etc. Slowly start buying less unhealthy food. Replace sugary snacks with fruit/veg/nuts etc. Swap fizzy drinks for water. But lower fat dairy. Eat less red meat. Swap white for wholegrain carbs. Focus more on health than weight.

[Bellabluea]

You're taking the first step by wanting to change.
I have 5 DC, 4 DDs. My eldest daughter has a different Dad to the others who have inherited their Dad's (and my) tall, lean frame.
Dd was overweight at about that age and I'd just had a baby so was feeling bigger than I wanted. We went to sw together and it was great for us. I get the feeling she would have lost it pretty quickly anyway as she had a growth spurt at 13/14 and now at 18 is a healthy size 10.
I do worry about my other girls as despite them being very slim, they don't ever have to consider their weight and their Dad feeds them crap a lot.
I always have to think about my weight and try to eat well although DH is definitely a feeder (with the best of intentions) and doesn't really understand.
It's so difficult.
I try to focus on 'healthy' rather than weight. They know I go to the gym because I want to be strong, I try not to mention weight.
I suggest you just don't buy rubbish. Have healthy food in the house and if they're hungry they'll not reach for the biscuit tin. They'll soon get used to it.

[Gingernaut]

You need to sort yourself out and get DD interested, rather than stay at 20 stone and get her to lose weight by herself.

Don't whatever you do, send her to SW, WW or anywhere else by herself.

Work on your emotional issues and change all your diets for the better. Exercise together.

[clarethompson2]

When your shopping slowly start lowering carbs, sugar and fat, and start increasing veg, beans and pulses. When you and her are free start doing family bike rides and walks (this will increase her metabolism and will show her that you are doing the same thing so she's not on her own) instead of taking the car to the shops, walk (depends how near they are) sleep is key so make sure she's getting enough sleep eg 8-10 hours will really help and your good to go. This will take a while but it does work