Strategies to manage emotional and short-tempered 11 year old DD

[workingmum9]

Our DD is a strong personality...popular and liked in her class and generally very sensible, rational and loving. However, at home when things don't go her way, she is asked to do something she doesn't like or she is under time pressure etc. she reacts emotionally and rudely to those around her i.e doesn't know how to manage her emotions and can be very rude to parents, younger brother (hits him as well) or even au pair.

She has some deep rooted beliefs that her younger brother is always treated better, doesn't get punished etc (he is generally very helpful, sensible, accommodating and also academically gifted...which probably exaggerates her feelings by comparing) and therefore, we are unfair to her.

We always try to be fair and firm, have tried consequences for poor behaviour (eg. taking away phone or ipad for a period), being calm but end up managing from situation to situation as her poor behaviour continues. Thi shas been te case for several months now. Sometimes, she gets a hard deal because of the way she talks and reacts but generally if we do not react, she calms down and comes back in 10-20 mins to say sorry.

We don't want this to get worse in teenage years...so was wondering if someone had dealt with a similar situation and had tips/strategies to manage or would recommend seeing a therapist?

[MrsPnut]

Buy this book www.amazon.co.uk/Get-Out-Life-bestselling-teenagers/dp/1846680875/ref=dp_ob_title_bk?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21 read it and spend every page saying to yourself - but she does that!

[keekaw]

I've concluded that my dd is a lot better when she doesn't spend time on the iPad for a start. She needs more time doing simple family things such as playing games or going out for a walk, and more time doing worthwhile activities such as cooking. We have minimised sleepovers because she needs her sleep and also because she needs time out from her friendship group.

Is yours at secondary? We've found the social pressures on dd to be quite overwhelming. Her behaviour is loads better since we decided to concentrate on Having more family time (or - even better - giving her one-on-one attention).

[workingmum9]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. DD started secondary school this year and it has been a big shift.I also agree with your viewpoint on the use of technology - however its quite difficult to monitor/control as her school gives each student an ipad for academic use (though clearly they do not have full control over what it is used for)

On the other hand, while DH and I agree that we should stay calm and not react in every instance, its quite hard to do so every time and find the right balance between maintaining our sanity and peace in the short-term and the duty of raising a polite well behaved child. Do you face similar challenges?

I will definitely be getting the book suggested by MrsPNut too