Tonight at bedtime after I had been in to their room for the 4th or 5th time to tell them to stop bickering and go to sleep.
I lost it with him.
It's not the first time. There is something about his behaviour and attitude towards me and DH (at his worst he seems to have no boundaries or respect) that makes us lose all reason. 2 weeks ago after a similar incident when he leaned over and hit me (I had called him a brat – not proud), I dragged him out of bed, pushing him in to a corner, screaming and shouting. A red mist descended and I know it’s wrong and not the way I want to parent. It never happens with his younger brother, who is a much more compliant and ‘easy’ child.
He has always been challenging, very bright, quite precocious, but sociable with lots of friends and can hold his own in adult conversation. Never any problems at school until the last year or two (he is in final year of Primary school in Scotland) when he has had some detentions, one for ‘strangling’ one of his best friends in an argument. He can be obsessive (certain topics /subjects hold his undivided attention for months at a time and then he quite suddenly moves on to the next thing).
He has always responded well to routine and structure but it is an almighty battle to impose routine on him in the first place and if we deviate from the rules or let him off he is straight on to it and uses it against us. He is incredibly argumentative and his default position is to disagree with us on anything and everything.
He is very tall for his age and I know it won’t be long before we can’t ‘contain’ him safely in the house. He has tried to run away a few times – jumping out of a window or walking through front door but always comes back quite quickly. I don’t want to go in to his teens like this. We need to find better ways to handle his behaviour and diffuse situations before we reach crisis point, otherwise I am terrified we will lose him. He is bright, funny, loving, headstrong and makes us so proud but I feel we’re failing him badly.
We have tried to get help in the past. The GP was hopeless and said we weren’t disciplining him enough. DH is very against getting any psychological / psychiatric support and generally not open to self help or asking for help. So we stumble on from one flash point to another, doing a little bit more damage every time.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.
Preteens
11 yo DS telling his brother (9) he wants to murder me slowly and painfully
14 replies
santassacked · 28/12/2016 00:23
OP posts:
CavershamTights ·
28/12/2016 00:33
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
he used those words?!
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.