Parents blocking friendship?

[BayeauxT]

Hi, not sure anyone can offer advice but feel the need to vent. DD1 has been "best friends" with two other girls since Y1 (now Y7), they are both lovely girls but over the years I have noticed that DD1 is often excluded - so for example birthday parties where 'they can only invite 5 children', or other get-togethers in holiday etc. Next week is an inset day at school so I asked DD what her friends were up to - cue much tears because her friends are spending the day together but she's not invited. She then said her friends had said their mums don't like her. Now I know she is loud and OTT sometimes but assuming it's true, surely you shouldn't diss your child's best friend so they hear? Surely you should just grin and bear it occasionally even if you find her annoying? When I have them all round here they always have a lovely time together and are no trouble ☹️️

[hatsandbagsandshoes]

Your poor daughter. Regardless of her behaviour, it is still a horrible feeling to be excluded. I'm a grown woman and have been experiencing this recently, and I know how dreadful I felt, so I really sympathise. All I can say is, friends like this are not worth having. I know that doesn't help a Y7 girl much, but hopefully she can drift into a new friendship group and will feel the sense of relief from breaking away. Some parents actively encourage friendships that are not actually in their child's best interests, which I find very sad, but that's the way it is, and it's best not to get involved. Can you invite another friend to spend the day with you and your DD? Would that help as she won't feel so left out?

[BayeauxT]

Thanks hatsandbags, she has other friends outside school but these two are the ones most important to her. I really don't think the girls are trying to exclude her but their mums are - I'll keep inviting them over here, their mums always happy to say yes to that but never reciprocate! Anyway, I have promised her we can go see Fantastic Beasts that day and have lunch out, so she's looking forward to that.

[hatsandbagsandshoes]

I really feel for her, and you. My DD is a lot younger than yours, but has a very good friend whose mum does not seem to like their friendship. When I said I have experienced this myself, it is actually a parent who leaves both me and my DD out, and I'm really not sure why. Luckily my DD hasn't noticed, but I worry about it happening at an older age when she will be aware of it. I wish I could offer advice on it. I really can't, but I remember how hard it was at school, and the feeling of being left out. Good for you for still inviting them to things, that must be quite hard to do.

[gandalf456]

It won't be long before parents can't engineer their friendships so I would ride it out and bite your tongue