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11 year old DD

(8 Posts)
Lamere Thu 29-Sep-16 09:26:25

I am my wits end with my daughter - she's swearing all the time, causing arguments with her siblings and has a constant fear of bleach harming her (despite me putting it away in cupboards). I can't bear being around her as she's so awful. Yes she's started a new school but to be honest she's always been difficult - guess it's just heightened her behaviour. No complaints from school - always been well behaved there. Already seeing a counsellor so not really sure what else to do. Any advice on managing a living hell?

Lamere Wed 05-Oct-16 17:50:21

Bump . Anyone ?

Lamere Wed 05-Oct-16 17:50:28

Bump . Anyone ?

TeenAndTween Fri 07-Oct-16 09:21:32

No advice. But flowers

Strikingclock Fri 07-Oct-16 09:39:28

I think early teens and pre-teens can be very volatile.

Living with them can be very hard flowers

Is she growing very fast atm? My dd grew 8 cms last year (they have a growth spurt prior to periods starting apparently) and if they are growing fast they often have a parallel burst of hormones which can adversely affect their behaviour.

And starting a new school will have added to the mix - even if she is happy there - it's a big change.

I'm no expert but I think the bleach thing sounds like a manifestation of anxiety. I think a lot of pre-teens/early teens are anxious and this comes out as "flight" (ie shut down defensive) or "fight" (perceive everything as an attack - even mildest of rebukes - fight back).

I have to bite my tongue a lot with mine and really choose my moment when I talk to her about something difficult.

These books have helped:

"How to talk so teens will listen and listen so teens will talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

"Get out of my life" "But first take me and Alex in to Town" by Tony Wolf and Suzanne Franks

"Blame my Brain" by Nicola Morgan

Do you have lots of limits re: screen time by the way? (Mine has just had all technology removed for a month for a totally different reason and the transformation in her has been miraculous to see: less eye-rolling, more enthusiasm for life, more willing and compliant, happier, marks have gone up!)

Is she getting enough sleep?

If she's behaving well at school then I guess she considers home her safe place, and you her safe person! It is very hard. Good luck with it all!

CaptinMuma Fri 07-Oct-16 09:48:04

Maybe yous need to find a conection again, something calming and just for you two.
Maybe find an outlet for her worries, someone to talk to or a jurnal. My oldest DD is only 9 but I can see changes happening already and it's pushing us apart but I want to try and stay close so that she can always trust me with her problems. I hope things get better for yous x

Lamere Sun 09-Oct-16 13:14:26

Thank you so much for your replies - will look into the book recommendations and have cut out screen completely this weekend and it has made a difference! I like the idea of a journal too that seems a positive way of keeping communication open.

Strikingclock Sun 09-Oct-16 16:24:00

Good luck Lamere

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