Girls and friendships!!

[Sparkygal]

Why are preteen girls so mean in friendships?

My dd (12) is just about to start a secondary school and has had a nice year with friendships in the last year of primary school - there were issues a few years ago with one girl in her class but she then moved and everything went back to being nice.

This summer hols, a new girl started just before the end of the last term and dd's friends are now all for this girl (who seems to be a bit of a queen bee). She was friendly with dd too, to start with, and then stopped calling, asking her out as have her other pals as they are all out with this other one.
She is nice if dd speaks to her but if she asks if any of them want to do anything (park or whatever) they are all 'busy' then she sees on Instagram they were all out together.

Dd even asked one close friend if she had done something wrong and she said no, but doesn't return her calls or made any contact over the hols.

I know dd will make new friendships at secondary school, but it's just a shame how this has turned out. Dd is a sweet girl who always looks out for her friends, but they suddenly seem more interested in being popular than maintaining friendships of 7 years.

I know this is just what girls of this age can be like, and there will be many of these along the way, but it never gets any easier seeing your child upset / down because of it. Even though we try and keep it light and say oh never mind you know what some girls can be like. It just makes me cross.

Just needing to vent I suppose.

[reallyanotherone]

Maybe stop excusing it as "just girls".

Girls behave like this because they're allowed to- it's almost expected that to have friends they need to play these games.

I always tell my dd to walk away the minute someone starts adding conditions to a friendship. If they're a true friend they won't behave like this.

[Sparkygal]

No, I agree with you. It is like games they are playing but I know that this is happening on and off with other girls who were in the other class to dd, plus friends who have kids at other schools have been experiencing the same issues at around this age.
I am light hearted about it with dd as if she saw I was cross about it, she would then worry and take it much more to heart.
At the moment she shrugs and says their loss, although does feel it every now and then.
I know not all girls are like this, and hopefully at secondary she will have friends who aren't.

[Lottielou7]

This happened to my dd when she was in year 4. A girl joined the school and then started this divide and rule type thing - having a party and inviting everyone except my dd. Then another week, another child was left out. Girls can be so horrible. I would encourage her to make new friends.

[VioletBam]

Really I disagree with that...it's not because they're allowed to. I don't know WHY they do it but they do...

I've got a 12 year old and lately she's been coming home and downright bitching about some of her mates. I've pulled her up on it...explained why it's negative...told her about how it can make people feel if others gossip about them etc but she seems to be...I don't know...."taken over" by something that's driving her to say things about girls I think are nice.

She says her friends "bore her" or they copy her all the time...I've explained that she needs to see the best in people and copying is flattering...but she rolls her eyes.

I'm really upset about it. OP I think that this age is really hard. My friend has a DD of 18 and she said it improved at lot by the time they were 16. I hope so!