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11 year old girl and friends..

(6 Posts)
Snuggledbythefire Fri 29-Jul-16 16:12:44

So, DD is 11 and going to year 7 in sept. She's a lovely girl ( I know, I'm biased!). She's friendly, kind, funny helpful and very loving. She's also a bundle of hormones and drama grin at times.
She's always had a large group of friends and a few 'best friends'. Never ever had friendship issues or anything. Her school reports have always mention how popular and friendly she is..

Fast forward to end of year six...
One of her 'best friends' is a complete madam. I've never been fond of her but always let them be friends and have play dates/sleepovers etc.
Friend is very spoilt and very hard work. Her mother is exactly the same. It's not only me who's said this, it's universally acknowledged by the parents in the friendship circle.

They've always been friendly but in a group of three within then larger group. It's bloody awkward and we've had so many tiffs where 'friend' has lied to either DD or the other member of the trio leading o arguments and huge fallings out.
My DD isn't perfect but she's not at all like her friend. I've tried in vain more recently to get DD to see it's not a good friendship. It leads to tears and the other kids not wanting to know DD. 'Friend' only has to say the word and the whole of the friendship group (8/9 girls and boys) are against her.
She's currently sobbing upstairs that no one likes her. It's heartbreaking I see and hear.
We've had the girl herself outside DD's window with her little gang shouting abuse. Horrid what app messages and whispered insults when we've seen them out and about.
The cause of all trouble seems to be one ( as above) girl. She's popular and like I say is spoilt. She wears the 'best' clothes and has the best phone etc etc..of course the other kids want to be her friend, my DD included!
The friend will treat DD like shit this week then deign to forgive her and be friends next week.

I know it's all part of growing up but it's really awful to watch. I feel so bad for DD. She's so eager to please and for any crumbs of this girls friendship to be thrown her way.

Thankfully the other girl is going to a different secondary school. DD is one of only 6 kids from her primary going to hers. The third wheel of the trio is also going. DD is glad about this but it's led to some huge temper tantrums from the friends who's not going ( again same as above). Friends mother now is trying desperately to get her daughter into DD's new school..I can see another 4 years of this drama and upset if it somehow happens!
We can't get away from the nastiness at home. I wanted school to be a clean break from it all ( hence the non catchment/feeder/small intake not well known choice of secondary over the huge rubbish catchment one!)
Friend doesn't live nearby. About 3/4 a mile away. All the other group live within a five min walk of each other. Friend is dropped off here in a morning and spends the day wandering around-- causing misery as trouble.-- Mum is oblivious as she's not around o see or hear it!
After my huge long OP blush. I'm gutted for DD. What can I do to persuade her to peruse other friendships?! How can I help her.
What do I do if the friend ends up at the school DD goes to?
DD has had her confidence dented.
Does anyone had experience or advice. I know in the past I've always let DD fight her own battles but to see her this upset is horrible.
No one likes her she says so categorically. Another 5 weeks!
Thank you. And blush again at the length!

Snuggledbythefire Fri 29-Jul-16 16:17:33

The spelling mistakes! sadblush. I blame day three of a chest infection, plus the shitty weather plus the sobbing child upstairs!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Snuggledbythefire Fri 29-Jul-16 16:33:52

Thanks scarf smile. Talking to the parents would be pointless sadly. Out of sight, out of mind. Neither work and the mum particularly spends her days instigating small (imagined) slights against her daughter and texting/facebooking the other parents to 'pull' them on it.
My best friend went to school with the mum as did DH ( though he's older) she was apparently just like her daughter is now back then.
I've had phone calls at work the last couple of weekends. Just random stuff that has obviously never happened and been plucked from thin air. Things DH ( who works 60 hours a week and never sees friend..) has supposedly said to her etc etc.
It's exhausting. Like I say pointless to try and reason with her. Not many of the other mums have much to do with her anymore!
I'm not too anxious ab

Snuggledbythefire Fri 29-Jul-16 16:36:25

Posted too soon!

About the start of school just the possibility of this girl ending up there, unlikely as it seems!

DD has always been a cub/scout and had lots of friends that way. Until it was deemed 'uncool' and she begged to leave.

Thanks for the get well wishes smile

gandalf456 Sun 31-Jul-16 21:26:07

My DD went to a secondary school with a load of friends from her primary school but secondaries are so big, the classes get all mixed up anyway so the chances of this new girl being in your DD's class are fairly small. DD had about 4 of her primary friends in her class but made new friends there from all different schools anyway.

I would talk to your DD about it, as you have done. At secondary, it's all about being cool but I keep impressing on my DD that being cool is not all that because you can't be the real you, you have to stress about behaving a certain way, dressing a certain way and what's the point?

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