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Is it OK to be stricked?

(9 Posts)
Aniszon Sun 26-Jun-16 14:16:37

So my 10 year old daughter asked me if her friend can come for a sleepover. I told her that this weekend is not very good as her dad was working 5 days in a row for 12h per day and he still going to work on Sunday. I offered another weekend when he's off. She promised that they will be good when he comeback home on the evening and they will not disturb him. Also they will go to bed at 10pm.
I agreed.
You shoukd know as well that our house got few rules that she knows VERY WELL.
So what's happened is they both been disrespectful to whatever I said trough the day. Jumping on beds. Throwing the food. Taking sweet without permission (sneaking it out I should say). Playing in the mud outside. My daughter know perfectlyrics well that I don't aprove any of it. I told them both off every time but they stop for a bit and move to the next naughty thing. I hope I explained all clear.
When my husband got home they weren't quiet at all. They were constantly asking to go out after 9pm and refuse to go to bed at 10pm!
I was fuming at my daughter behaviour and her attitude to whatever I said. I knew it's all a show off and warned her few time that she might be sorry the next day. She knew what I meant. She trow me a chicky sorry.
Another thing was that her friend meant to go home on Sunday at 11am. I'm working trough the week. I think I deserve one day in peace. She had friends over the weekend week before as well (not a sleepover though). They woke up at 6am. Started a pillow fight downstairs and playing with a bouncy ball knocking things over with a loud laugh. When I stormed downstairs they were laughing at me!
11am came, that was my last straw. I was calm and patient. They decided to have a go at the trampoline in the garden. Should I mention that it was pouring with rain the grass was muddy and they went out with their socks bringing all the mud in and went to watch some telly in bed!
I packed her friend and said it's time to go home. In the nicest way I could!
My daughter behaved like nothing happened after she went. She changed in her "normal self" (she is not a bad kid.....most of the time) and started to play with her brother. I asked if she had anything to say to me. "What?????" was her answer. ...
I told her what I think, how she made me feel and her dad. How unrespecful she was. She blamed it all on her friend. I said that whatever her friend started she got along with it so she's the one to blame. She knows the rules and She should inform her friend about them. She should listen when I told them off not being more naught then before.
I grouned her. I took the phone away and she's up in her room cleaning it as they wreck it.
She told me that I'm too stricked. That she only get along with all naughtiness because her friend said at some point that our house is boring and she felt bad. I told her the difference about a friend and a real friend. That this one wasn't a real friend cos she didn't accept few simple rules. I said that if she would wait till next weekend we could have some more fun but she wanted it then .
Thinking about it now I do understand how she feels but at the same time I can't let her do whatever she wants just to show off. People need to accept her for who she is not for pretending to be someone else. I feel bad grounding her but I think this time she went too far and need to pay for her consequences.
Am I right? Or am I too stricked?

threeelephants Sun 26-Jun-16 14:19:53

You are not even nearly strict enough! Your daughter sounds like a horrible little brat.

Muddlewitch Sun 26-Jun-16 14:21:01

You are completely right, stick to your guns.

ArmfulOfRoses Sun 26-Jun-16 14:23:42

You don't sound strict at all op, I think your daughter walks all over you.

I'd have taken the friend home last night given the situation with your husband's shift pattern at work.
Well, I wouldn't have allowed it in the first place given that she did exactly the same last weekend.

dementedpixie Sun 26-Jun-16 14:23:50

If they were rude and cheeky in the evening then you should have sent the friend home at that point. You need to be stricter not softer on her as they were behaving like brats

Steamgirl Sun 26-Jun-16 21:20:28

I would have told them both off (... very embarrassing...). On refusal to go to sleep I've been known to split girls up and put them to bed in another room and sit at the doorway until sleep arrives (doesn't take long). Failing that dd grounded and all privileges removed until dd owns her own behaviour and gives the full apologies due. In any case the girl not to be invited home ever again. In general some people regard my parenting style as rather permissive and bohemian. No, you're not being too strict.

Muddlewitch Sun 26-Jun-16 22:37:59

How has the rest of the day been op? Did she clean up her room?

Wafflenose Tue 28-Jun-16 11:33:20

I have had a couple of DD's friends round for a sleepover a few times. They know the rules about bedtime - they go up around 9 and I don't mind talking until 10ish, but if there's any pratting around/ shrieking after that, friends' parents will get a phone call to come and collect them. The first time, I had to go in there and give them a warning that this would happen, and now they behave because they know full well that I'd follow through. I don't think you were strict enough.

baking4life Tue 05-Jul-16 17:00:38

That is not strict -not strict enough- !

My rules for my 9 yo dd...
Inside at 5:30 pm,
Tea at 6pm,
In PJs by 7pm,
In bed by 7:30pm,
Movie till 9pm,
bed 9pm

If they are not settled down in bed by 9 then I say my daughter won't get any TV tomorrow, then no dessert then no sleep over for 3 months.

This works! star

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