Is it strange that Y7 DD's classmates are setting up a "sorority"

[moonball99]

DD is in Y7 in a single sex school. Two of her classmates have sent the whole class an email (on the school email system) to tell them they are starting a "sorority" and that anyone who wants to join will need to go through "an initiation". Most? all? of the class including DD have signed up, although DD reluctantly as she's not really a social type and none of them know what the club will be doing, but DD felt she had to because her social standing is pretty shaky as it is. The "founders" have now sent round an email stating that the "initiation" will be (a) writing and performing a song about the sorority, or (b) an "artistic response" to the animal totem, or some kind of a fashion collage. These are to be brought into school to be "judged" by the two founders. The two founders are obviously taking this quite seriously.

Is it just me that finds this extremely weird? To me it seems that these two girls are just exploiting the insecurity of the masses (including DD's) to put themselves in a position of power, probably making at least some of them (likely DD) feel miserable and excluded along the way. Or is this the kind of thing that happens regularly in sec schools these days and I should relax?

Obviously my concern is that DD will try hard and perform a song and they will reject her because they never liked her anyway, and she'll be the only one in the class who isn't in it and she'd feel wretched. But it could happen to anyone and I don't want DD to be part of anything like that.

[dancemom]

I'd be contacting the school about it

[SoupDragon]

Isn't it just a "club"? I remember setting up "pig club" in Y7 or 8. No ulterior motives. I can not for the life of me remember why or what it was about though.

At least they invited the whole class. I suppose it all depends on how the initiation pans out but even that doesn't sound horrendous orovided they don't get bitchy

[NaughtToThreeSadOnions]

Yes this had the protental to be extremely clichey and excluding.

As its been done through the school email o really would contact the school over it because I'm pretty sure it's not something they'd encourage

[meowli]

Have never come across this in 11 years (so far!) of involvement with my dc's secondary school. No experience of single sex girls' schools, but have plenty of friends who do, and am not aware of this as a 'thing'. You'll always get cliques and 'in crowd' stuff, but not as organised and large scale as this sounds. I also think the school should be given the 'heads up'.

[Out2pasture]

I'd contact the school, it has the potential to get very nasty very fast.

[frikadela01]

How many places are in the sorority and how will they be allocated? I'd be getting in touch with school pronto since this is likely to just turn into a cliquey bitchy popularity contest.

[Tokelau]

Sounds nasty to me, especially the bit about the two girls 'judging' the others. Are they queen bee types? I would contact the school and ask them to put a stop to it.

When my DD was in year 3, the kids started setting up clubs, and there were so many arguments and upset children, because they were being excluded for no real reason, that the teacher banned them from starting their own clubs.

Another thing, I used to be a Brownie leader. Most of the girls were nice and mainly kind and well-behaved, but I was amazed at how bitchy some of them could be.

[moonball99]

Thanks everyone, very interesting. I'm calling the school tomorrow (which I've never done before) and I feel better about it with all of your comments.

I agree that it COULD be harmless - maybe the founders' intention has always been to include everyone - but there is so much potential for it to go wrong. I realise that kids are always making clubs - DD herself pointed out that the school choir is basically a club with an audition (although having your musical skills judged by a music professional is very different from being judged by your peers). I also know that these things happen in adult life and DD needs to learn how to deal with it. But I kinda feel that parents and teachers shouldn't give completely free reign to 12 YO girls in a school. I hope they will listen...

[frikadela01]

Big difference between clubs where inclusion is based on actual talent or skill such as choir or sports time and this sorority club where inclusion looks like it could be based on whether the 2 leaders think you should be in or not.

You're definitely doing the right thing getting in touch with school.

[FireandBrimstone]

Yuk. Sounds horrible and you are definitely right to raise it with the school.

[RaeSkywalker]

You're doing the right thing. I hope it goes ok!

[AnstasiaBartAraminta]

Omg haha, that's so cute. I was in a sorority in college but never heard of it in England or in school. I was one of the 'mean' girls and I can assure you that these girls will not be including everyone in their sorority and I would encourage you to tell your daughter to create another sorority, after all there are loads of different ones in college. Even In America we don't have sororities in schools.

[FireandBrimstone]

moonball did you get a chance to speak to the school? Just wondering how you got on.

[NaughtToThreeSadOnions]

Please please please do what every one else other than Anstania told you to do.

It's not cute at all. Although I guess that's where the girls have got it from, American films, mean girls, clueless etc. The fact that Anstania is almost proud to say they won't be including everyone is what sets off alarm bells.

Please don't encourage your daughter to set up another or even be part of this one.

Any way I think you know that an I hope you've had luck with the school I was just amazed to see Anstasiaa attitude

[moonball99]

I called the school yesterday as I thought it's best to speak to the teacher directly but it was a teacher training day and they told me it'd be best to email. So I emailed, copying the head of the year and haven't heard back yet. If I don't hear back at all then I guess I need to make an appointment. I'll keep you all updated!

Re making another sorority - it did cross my mind, but DD has no desire or probably capability to do something like that. She'd never heard of a sorority till now. Friendship groups are enough of a challenge for her...

[NaughtToThreeSadOnions]

That's exactly why making a sorority is a bad idea in my oppinion there are children who really really struggle with friendship groups and year 7 is still very young my good daughter is 10, and should she be in the U.K. Would be going to secondary next September (she's in Ireland and only in 4th class) the thought of judgey isolating sororities is frightening

I'm glad your taking it seriously op and hopefully you get a response from the school soon

[mommybunny]

Anastasia is absolutely right that the "sorority" has been convened for the sole purpose of excluding people. The year-wide e-mail "invitation" is just a fig leaf. I think the other posters are right to advise you to contact the school to shut it down. If girls want to form an exclusive club there isn't much the school can do to stop them, but they can prevent it from happening over school-sanctioned e-mail accounts.

[moonball99]

Update: I received an email back from the HoY who thanked me for bringing it to their attention, she didn't know about it, agreed that it could be harmless but it could go wrong, and that she will talk to the founders to put a stop to it. So I am very relieved (but not as much as my DD). I am happy because I did wonder whether they'd understand - the school is not famous for its pastoral care. Their response makes me have more confidence in them.

Thanks so much to everyone who gave me the courage to raise this issue with them.

[RaeSkywalker]

Brilliant news!

[PurpleRibbons]

Great news!

[IcyTeaAndScoopyScoopyDogDog]

We had a Friendship Club in my sons school that caused issues in our sons school- you did the right thing in nipping that in the bud.

[ArmfulOfRoses]

Well done op, I'm a bit late obviously but was going to say that it sounds like it would be a way to bully/exclude in plain sight.

[NaughtToThreeSadOnions]

Oh that sounds like a great result especially if the school seem to be improving their pastral care.

Glad your daughter is relieved too

[clarrrp]

It sounds like it could go horribly horribly wrong - it's basically a club based on popularity rather than shared interests like sports or drama etc and so I think it has the potential to descend into a serious bullying situation if it goes wrong.

[AnstasiaBartAraminta]

Hi naughttothreesadonions, i think i ma have wrongly phrased my answer, i meant that they wont be including everyone, and that if your daughter isnt really friends with these girls, and is unlikely to be accepted into the sorority then tell her and her friends to create their own, so that no one feels excluded. However after reading op's most recent reply on this thread, saying that her dd struggles enough with friendship groups, i now realise that this would not be possible. The only reason that i amybe wouldnt contact the school is in case the girls found out whos parent had complained, and said mean things to your daughter about it.