Spending birthday money

[Squashybanana]

My now 12 year old got £55 birthday money from various friends. He wanted to buy some DVDs, which I ordered online for him. The total cost was £54:60 so in theory he had 40p left. I told him to just give me £50.
He handed the money over just now, off his own bat and without complaint (but with a little wince!) . I feel really bad taking his cash. It's all he had in the world as we don't really do pocket money. But I want him to learn that when you choose to spend your money, it is then gone.
I am very tempted to slip him a tenner back, because he paid without complaint, but don't want to give him a bad lesson. What do you think? I feel bad because I have plenty of money right now.

[katemiddletonsnudeheels]

I think you'd be better off ensuring he has regular pocket money to be honest.

[NannawifeofBaldr]

I don't understand your post.

He chose what to spend his money on, why would you give him any back? Think about what lesson that would be teaching him.

[Squashybanana]

Yes I don't really understand my post either. If he'd gone to a shop for the DVDs and handed over the cash I wouldn't have thought twice about it. I illogically feel bad because he handed the cash to me instead of to a shopkeeper.

We tried pocket money in the past but his elder brother has aspergers and is completely non materialistic, but worse is completely uninterested in money and just left it lying around to get lost.

Maybe we could look at one of those 'go henry' type cards so there is less cash. Has anyone used them and can explain how they work? The fact is, neither of them is much interested in spending money or getting stuff (at least, until this birthday money. First time either of them has ever had a plan to spend some money on something particular). They like 50p to get sweets from corner shop which we just give them if they ask...

[katemiddletonsnudeheels]

But why does his elder brothers lack of interest in money mean your second child is unable to have pocket money? I'm not trying to be difficult; I genuinely don't see the connection :)

[Nannawifeofbaldr]

A friend uses the Go Henry cards with great success so perhaps look into that.

However if your DS2 isn't particularly interest in money then I think you need to let go of the guilt.

[Squashybanana]

Kate it doesn't mean he can't; it means that when we tried it a couple of years ago that is why it sort of stopped, neither cared or protested (at the time). I am re- evaluating that. But neither of them ever asks for money, (other than small amiunts for sweets) which maybe would have prompted me to think about it before now.

I don't think we could do PM for the younger and not the older, and need to think of s way that won't lead to cash laying around on the floor of his room to be accidentally picked up with dirty clothes and laundered.

[Aftershock15]

Why do you need Go Henry rather than a bank account and card? Mine just get a monthly transfer into a bank account, then use the money as they want. Go through phases of saving for ages then blowing it all on airfix models or take out the odd £10 to have some cash about for sweets etc.

[BertrandRussell]

I think it 's utterly bizarre that he doesn't get pocket money because his brother can't manage money. That's so incredibly unfair!

[dementedpixie]

At their ages they can have a proper bank account with debit card so no need for go Henry (which charges you after the introductory period)

[dementedpixie]

And we pay to the kids accounts by standing order each month so no money left lying around

[Squashybanana]

Bertrand this thread has made me reconsider why we don't really do pocket money. It's because last time we tried, couple of years ago, neither was interested and his brother left cash laying about. So we just kind of stopped. At no point have we decided that the younger bro cannot have pocket money. It's an explanation of how we got to this point where (these events) have made me think that now he's older we should probably try again.

Thanks for advice re bank and card everyone.

[LogicalThinking]

We also do standing order payments into their own bank account and they have their own bank cards.

[TutanKaDashian]

It's a parent thing OP, I'm exactly the same. I hate taking money from my son when it's been his birthday. However, if he wants me to pick up a £50 computer game after work then I just can't afford that :-) I usually end up buying him some sweets as well though!

[Nataleejah]

couple of years ago,
There is a huge difference between 10yo and 12yo understanding money. Older brother's condition should be irrelevant.