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How do I handle this one! 10yo dd1 and obsession with a boy.

(4 Posts)
InFlagranteDelicto Wed 20-Apr-16 18:31:06

Dd1 moved to the village school a year ago, when I won an appeal. Prior to that she'd been at a school with 60 in the year group, and a healthy mix of girls and boys. Here she's girl #8 in the class of 32. Not sure that's entirely relevant!

Since she started there she's been keen on one boy in particular. That hasn't changed, and the boys mum has encouraged in (ok, my view!) with elaborate valentines presents, other presents at birthday and Christmas, and generally in chat. Dd1's diary (old note pad found on the floor when I blitzed their room last) was full of I want to kiss him but didn't dare etc. She's 10!!!!!

Tonight was the last straw, sort of. She and her sister, 8, went out on a circular ride on their scooters. It's a safe route, takes about 5 mins but goes past this boys house- and tonight she insisted they stood hanging around outside in case she saw him. They were out for half an hour before Ds went and told them to get home. They're now upstairs sobbing after being told I was disappointed at their not keeping to their word.

How do I move forward? While I'm fully aware that boys will come on the scene 10 just feels very young for this level of obsession.

Btw, I'm not trolling, just off upstairs to hug and remind them that they're still loved

tumpymummy Sat 23-Apr-16 13:02:41

That doesn't sound like an obsession to me, just a girl crush. From my experience with preteens and teenagers they are becoming aware of boyfriends/girlfriends at a much younger age than my generation. But it all seems to be pretty innocent at Year 6/7. Both my children had 'boyfriends/girlfriends' in Year 6 but from what I could work out this just meant it was something to say at school and just meant they constantly texted or messaged each other. I see it as a positive thing because it means that they are learning how to communicate their feelings, and learning how to relate to other boys or girls.

corythatwas Sat 23-Apr-16 16:45:14

First of all, I do not think it is your job to police her thoughts. She is at an age where she is beginning to experiment with these thoughts, that is normal and private and nothing to do with you.

Your job is to monitor her behaviour where it is not compatible with normal family rules, like coming home at a promised time (I assume that was what you were disappointed about) or likely to land her or the boy in an uncomfortable situation (e.g. elaborate presents).

But not your job to read her private thoughts: I am not impressed by that at all.

I recall jotting down similar thoughts at a similar age in my diary and then losing the diary. I wonder if the people who bought the house found it. But one thing I am perfectly certain of is that if it was my mother who found it she would not have read it; at least not unless she believed it contained information that might put my life at risk.

Chorltonswheelies422 Sat 23-Apr-16 16:53:55

All perfectly normal - it's a crush. Don't read her diary again though. Can tell you're a bit upset by what you read but her thoughts are perfectly normal.

Why not ask her if she'd like to invite boy for tea? She may just want to gaze from afar at him or she may want to spend time with him. If she does want to invite him, Make him welcome and support her through this first crush.

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