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Attention seeking DD(5 Posts)
Over the festive period we've had various visitors and so I've seen, more than I would normally, how my Dd behaves in groups and with her peers and it's not been great.
She frequently interrupts and talks over people and when they're talking about something they like to do or have done she'll often jump in with yet another anecdote about herself. It's quite excruciating to watch! In addition she can be quite bossy at times (a trait she definitely gets from me and which I've had to learn to keep under control over the years!)
She's part of a close group of friends but I can see how her behaviours annoy them at times and I've picked up from her teacher that she's not very popular with the wider peer group.
I've tried explaining about how her behaviour comes across and that friendship is about listening as much as talking but she just carries on regardless. She is having her friends over for a sleepover tonight and I really don't want to see these behaviours displaying themselves again.
Any advice / tips on how to get through yo her or help her would be gratefully received! She'll be 11yrs old this week btw
My DS has actually mentioned a friend/ frenemy of his who does exactly these things - in his case he is an only child to two very child centered parents (disclaimer we know lots of lovely only children of course - lots of onlies where we live - but this one fits the negative stereotypes). DS himself said its probably because when he interupts his mum she stops her conversation and listens to him and does what he wants (instead of snapping at him to wait obviously the "snapping" model isn't a parenting ideal either!)
Do you model turn taking in conversation at home? Not only by doing it yourself but by making your DD do it? Both with you and with siblings? Not letting her interupt you talking to friends/ DH/ younger siblings?
Sorry that's the only thing I can think of - if its by any chance just the two of you (no idea if you're a family of 2,3,4,5,6...) it must be quite hard to get opportunities to actually model turn taking in a wider group conversation, but I would think its easy to forget just talking about it, she needs practice! I know I still have to mediate my 3 when they try to talk over each other, but it does mean they usually don't do the same to peers outside the family.
Hi, and thanks for replying!
There are four of us in the family, DD, my DS (12) and DH so yes, do our best to model good conversational behaviour, though my DH isn't brilliant at it and nor are my inlaws (think it's a cultural thing - they all talk over each other constantly!). However, they don't see them on enough of a regular basis for that to be where it's come from I don't think. She's just got that character type where she loves to be the centre of attention in a group and tends to show off in whatever way she can. It makes me very sad to see it as I can see others getting irritated by her. Fortunately her friends are, on the whole, quite tolerant of this and she isn't like it all the time
Her sleepover actually went fine and I didn't witness too many of the behaviours described above, but I suspect the stern conversation I'd had with her about it in the morning was still ringing in her ears!
Glad to hear the sleepover went well.
Maybe the cultural element has more influence than you realise - esp if her dad does it. I teach Business English (to English as an additional language students) and one of the chapters on our text book is on international communication, and there is actually a bar graph showing the silent intervals or overlaps between conversational partners which are "polite" in different cultures. Its quite interesting that some cultures find it polite to leave a several second silence after somebody has spoken before replying, in order to show they are respectfully considering the other person's words, whilst other cultures grow up understanding it is polite to "overlap" - speaking over the other person to show how passionately interested you are in them and their topic that you are bubbling over with enthusiasm to contribute to the conversation Obviously British cultural norms are between those two extremes, but its something you absorb rather than learn in an overt way, so maybe she has picked it up from your DH's side of the family, especially if she "identifies" with/ as being "like" her dad?
Also, perhaps she'll grow out of it a bit as she grows up and looks "outward" more and more and notices the norms in wider society a bit more... My DD is the same sort of age but in her first year of secondary, and is certainly starting to be more perceptive and interested in what is "normal" for her friends and her horizons are widening etc.