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Telling DS about my cancer

(6 Posts)
PizzaPower Fri 27-Nov-15 20:53:25

Earlier this week I was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer but neither my DW or myself are sure how to deal with DS age 9.
We have obviously had to tell a few people including immediate family but haven't yet told our son.

While the diagnosis is confirmed, I need a PET scan before a treatment plan can be put in place, this should be sorted in the next two weeks. The current plan is to wait for the results of this scan which will confirm how advanced it is and what can be done, before we tell him.

Do you think this is the right thing to do? My only worry is that he accidentally finds out by over hearing a conversation or similar.
Also has anyone got any advice on how to break it to him?
So not to drip feed, it was also my DF's funeral yesterday so he's still coping with loosing his Grandad in the last week or so, a rough week is an understatement.
Thanks

BackforGood Fri 27-Nov-15 22:48:57

First, sorry that you have this diagnosis and are going through this.

My own personal experience is that it was really important to be open, up front and matter of fact with my dc when I got my diagnosis (dc were in yrs 11, 8, and 5 at the time - so my youngest would have been the same age as your ds). I knew I couldn't keep it from them for long, as other people would be visiting, praying for me, sending cards, flowers, etc., and even asking them 'how's your Mum doing?' and so forth, so I was much happier telling them myself as soon as we'd had it confirmed.
I also thought that if we'd hidden it and they'd found out before we told them, then it puts doubts and secrecy in their minds - she didn't tell us in the first place, what if she'd not being honest now / what if she's going to die - type thoughts.

If you look in 'General Health' for a thread called 'Tamoxifen' then you will meet a whole host of posters who are at every stage of a number of difference cancers who will all hold your hand and offer you whatever opinions or support you need - they are the best smile

PizzaPower Fri 27-Nov-15 22:51:15

Thanks BackforGood, that whole trust issue if he finds out has been going through my mind.
Will go and have a look in General Health.

Andro Fri 27-Nov-15 22:52:21

You might find it helpful to post in the tamoxigang thread in general health, it's not just support for breast cancer and some of the people there will have had to tell dc. It's a good thread for general cancer support.

Dotty342kids Tue 01-Dec-15 12:22:26

Hi there,

I'd definitely advise to tell him the basics for now, keep it clear and simple and explain in straightforward terms about the treatment options and how you might feel (tired / needing quiet time etc).
Also, this is an organisation you might want to get in touch with. I used to do some work with them and although they're based in Herefordshire / Gloucestershire, they will provide support online to children or young people across the country via 1-1 Skype sessions. Worth phoning and talking to them as they're really supportive (don't worry too much about the age thing, I am sure they'd at least be happy to talk to you and offer some advice in the first instance)
www.hopesupport.org.uk/
www.hopesupport.org.uk/online-support.html

Wendyjayb Sun 13-Dec-15 20:39:20

Firstly lwt mw givw you a massive hug. My mum is going through the same. She was diagnosed 6 months ago and then the PET scna showed it was elewhere. She was given 3-6 months to live but her recent scan has shown that the chemo has shrunk the oesophageal cancer and shes never looked bettergrin

I know its not the same situation as you but we only told our 10 year old that nanny was poorly and that she had cancer. we didn't tell him that we were going to loose her and i'm glad we didn't now!
Tell him what he needs to know and see how things pan out. The doctors will always give you the worst case senario.

If you need to chat just shout xx

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