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Porn / peer pressure

(6 Posts)
Dotty342kids Sat 07-Nov-15 22:38:16

I've become aware over the last 4-6wks that 12yr old DS (yr8) has been accessing porn on his tablet or phone. He doesn't generally have them in his bedroom but occasionally they end up in there so I discovered this when checking his Internet history.
I'm very open about sex, relationships etc so have had no issues discussing it all with him, focusing on how porn doesn't reflect real people, real bodies or real relationships and is damaging and exploitative to those involved etc.
He says he understands all of that but doesn't seem to be able to help himself! This evening his phone had been in his pocket when he went upstairs. As soon as I realised that I went up to get it and, sure enough, he'd found a way past the filters on our home network and was on a porn site. I was pretty calm and asked him why he was looking again and he said a friend from school said he should look at this particular site. He's always struggled with impulse control and so I'm not surprised that he couldn't make the decision not to look at it but his inability to resist this mild peer pressure really worries me (probably more than the accessing porn itself!)
All I could really say was that he's in control of his own choices and if it's easier he can just say something to his mates like "yeah, I looked at that site" and then just move the conversation on, when his mates ask him about it.
Really looking for some advice on helping him resist the temptations of porn and other pressures that will come along in future years!

Oxfordblue Mon 09-Nov-15 22:17:14

Unplug the Internet ?

My friends son was looking at porn & they took all access away.

If it's available & easy to access, they'll do it, so you need to make it as hard as possible.

ICantSpellNoffink Mon 09-Nov-15 22:26:46

There is no way that you child should be able to access porn. If you can't set up effective parental controls on your DCs tablets and phone then I would not allow my child to have them. There is some seriously disturbing things out there, a bit of bonking is the least of your worries.

I'm no prude, I happily let my DC have their GF/BFs stay over from 16/17
but I still won't let anyone access porn in my house despite the fact my DC are all adults.

Wolfiefan Mon 09-Nov-15 22:28:34

Change the wifi password. Confiscate tablet and get a brick phone?
If they are discussing this at school that's a safeguarding issue.

AnyFucker Mon 09-Nov-15 22:31:46

Take away his devices.

You won't be able to control what happens outside the house but to knowingly stand by while he exercises his "poor impulse control" is very lax parenting, IMO

Dotty342kids Tue 10-Nov-15 08:25:15

Thanks for comments all. I have flagged it up with school again and am going to be consistent with him only using tablet or phone at home when one of us is in the room with him. And ensuring that they never go upstairs!
I guess I'm trying to find the balance between protecting him from this stuff whilst not shutting down communication between us so that if he ever does stumble across things he finds worrying / unpleasant / dangerous online he feels able to talk to us about them. Not easy...

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