CONSTANTLY fidgeting and noise making 10yo do.(16 Posts)
At home my dd can't seem to sit still. She fidgets almost constantly - hits her feet off the side of the chair she's sitting in for example. She's also prone to making silly noises, again it seems constant! It's really incredibly irritating and unfortunately me and dh have got into the habit of being a bit short with her about it. I feel bad because I don't think she can help it. It's almost like a sort of sensory seeking behaviour. Can anyone offer any advice/insight into this? As far as I know she sits still etc at school (maybe this is why it all comes out at home?!) Is there anything I can do to help her and reduce this behaviour because I must admit it's driving me spare!
I have two children with these tendencies.
With the fidgeting, a move'n'sit cushion helped make mealtimes more manageable for DS2. It provides constant sensory feedback and also helps them to sit rather than prop themselves up in various positions.
What sort of silly noises? Do you mean echolalia? Transient tics? We have experienced both, and ignoring it seems to work best in the long run.
If you post in SN, you'll get more expert advice.
Thanks! I've been wondering if something like a cushion or something weighted would help 'ground' her. She really does have to be moving all the time .she's next to me now with her leg rhythmically moving! The noises range from singing or tuneless humming to clicking sounds! It does tend to be when she's bored but that would seem to be all of the time then?!
Yes I suppose it's making me wonder about SN. I've posted on there about her before but then convinced myself not to go any further.
My dd was like this, but did it in class and everywhere. A few years ago a clever teacher suggested that she make friendship bracelets in class. Keeping her hands busy, stopped her body moving and she focussed much better in class as well. Since then she has moved on to crochet and knitting and does both in many of her classes or at home if she's feeling restless. Her teachers have been very accommodating because they can see that it calms her and helps her focus and stops her wiggling and making noise. I think it's also helped that she's grown up a little and has more control and organization in her mind and over her body.
By the way, I have a huge sign on my bedroom door that says KEEP OUT and if it gets too much for me I just disappear into my bedroom with a book.
Thanks Sofia, she does like knitting etc. Maybe I should suggest doing more with her hands when she seems particularly restless. I find it really hard to stay patient with her . Just getting away for short periods is a good idea.
Some of us are just more like this than others. I look around a family gathering and most of my husbands's extended family have some part of their body moving (feet tapping, thumb twiddling, finger drumming, constantly interrupting, some making odd noises (I'm looking at you beat boxing DS), falling out with each other, ALL the time.
If it's not a barrier for your daughter, and she's a generally doing ok and is a happy girl just try to go with it. Giving her something to fiddle with might help, music helped my son- guitar playing allowed him to move and fiddle all he wanted to. Keep her involved in as much active stuff as possible- sport, clubs after school and weekends.
I think that a large number of DH's family have ADHD but as there are so many if them, this is their normal so these behaviours are not viewed as a barrier. My son did get a diagnosis (mild to moderate) at age 18 when these and other ADHD symptoms affected his ability to function after the formal structures of school ended.
So, in your shoes I'd ask myself if these behaviours are holding her back, are they part of a wider picture? Is self esteem high? Are there others in the extended family who are like this? If the answer is yes, then I'd also chat to school about whether they have noticed anything. If she is trying to 'manage' this in school then she is going to be finding it very hard work.
Please feel free to disregard this post- I am not in the business of labelling people and I rarely post but your OP struck a chord.
Littletuesday - unfortunately her self esteem is not high. School are working with her on this. She is a high achiever and has perfectionist qualities (and the anxiety that seems to go with it). I don't think there's anyone else like it in the family in terms of fidgeting etc and no known adhd. I have queried if she has some asd qualities in the past but a sort of gut feeling says no or very mild at least.
DD1 does most of the things you mention. I have found that she is better if she does physical things each day. If she stays indoors, by about 6pm she is bouncing off the walls, literally.
She has dancing 2 evenings a week, karate, swimming and her dancing also has lots of extra classes.
I am also probably shorter with her when she is fidgety and making noises than I should be.
If the school are putting in some support for her levels of anxiety (which are presumably evident at school) it might be worth making an appointment to see class teacher and SENCo to discuss the wider picture. If she's struggling with anxiety and low self esteem at primary level then she may find transition to secondary tough.
I have found it useful to map out all of the behaviours that I am seeing - just describe them - the noises, the movements, her anxieties (what leads up to them, what her behaviour is like), how low self esteem presents itself. How she responds to your reactions to her behaviour, how she gets on academically, managing friendships.... And then talk to them about your concerns.
The writing down of it all can be quite revealing and can sometimes help with developing strategies.
May also be worth speaking to your GP about her. Academically high achieving girls with low self esteem and anxieties can be pretty adept at hiding how they are feeling and at 10 the magical adolescence journey is just about to start!
Thanks Audit - it's hard finding physical activity she is willing to try but she's recently got into climbing.
Littletuesday I have spoken to school about my concerns about her transitioning to secondary - I think that's part of the focus with building her self esteem. There are other things we can do once we find out which school she's going to. I think I am putting off a gp visit but it's starting to become obvious I need to.
I don't think I mentioned in my post that dd has just turned 13. Things were much worse when she was younger. It will get better as your dc's get older. What's most important is that they are not belittled or humiliated for being wiggly. Teachers frequently tried to label my dd as ADHD which she isn't and I spent a lot of time trying to explain that she had no trouble focusing. She just had a wiggly body and if it was disturbing to those around her, there were ways to reduce that (by giving her something to do with her hands). Kids who are truly ADHD can't just control their hyperactivity and focus issues by knitting. (She also skipped a grade in school because once she stopped getting labeled as a problem kid because of her wiggling, her performance took off.) DD also had pretty severe anxiety issues starting at a very young age (night terrors and nightmares as a toddler) which I spent a lot of time and money on therapy on when she was quite young. Now that's she's 13 and in full blown puberty, it's clear that the time and money was well spent. She still has occasional issues, but for the most part is so much better equipped to cope with teenage life issues than her peers.
So all of this is to say, don't ignore the issues and give her lots of support and tools to cope with them rather than just expecting her to behave "like a normal kid." And make sure you take a quiet time break for yourself whenever you need it.
I would also add to Sofia's comments that school choice will make a huge impact. DS has just transferred to secondary and Has been really anxious about it. We moved him to a school that we thought was the best fit for him, but no-one else from his primary went to.
They have been fantastic, when told about his anxiety leaves after a week (vomiting on the way to school, crying every morning, unable to sleep) they reacted immediately and effectively. An incident with a child that could be heading towards bullying (which he suffered with at primary, hence the move away) has also seen immediate reaction.
Audit we visited the student support team at the school we have as first choice and they seemed great. They spoke to dd at length about how they could support her and all the things the school did to make being in year 7 easy for them. They also run a summer school for pupils who might struggle with transition.
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