Dealing with rejections / friendships

[EnglishWeddingGuest]

My daughter has been best buddies with another girl for three years - they have been inseparable - they also do a sport together that takes up much of their time.

DD is 10 and her friend is 11. They go to different schools.

Another girl in the same sports club who is 12 has come along and decided to be friends with the 11 year old but not my daughter.

12 year old lass will come up when dd and friend are talking, place her body between the two, grab friend and pull her away and then whisper in 11 year old ear looking back and giggling at dd. If dd and friend are sitting together the other lass will come and and sit between them often pushing them apart to do so. Other girl invited dd over with some other girls from the club to play on the weekend - when dd arrived the aupair told dd (and me) that the 12 year old was at the 11 year old friends house and wouldn't be home today. :-( (i have witnessed all of above).

I've tried having them all over to play but 12 year old takes 11 year old off to other parts of my house or garden leaving dd all alone :-(. It's hard not to think 12 year old is purposefully doing this - but am also aware 12 year old also growing up and learning friendships too.

When my daughter took 12 year old aside to say that she was feeling left out and that her actions were hurting her feelings she was told by 12 year old to "deal with it" :-(

Dd is extremely sad and hurt and confused. I've talked to her about friendships changing etc etc and just to smile and try to talk to other girls and that no matter what happens you can't control other people's behavior only your own - but I guess she is grieving a little at what she perceives to be the loss of her very close friendship.

For the record 11 year old is very friendly and lovely and I am not sure completely aware how this makes my dd feel.

How do I help dd deal with this in the most healthy and empowering way?

[EnglishWeddingGuest]

Gosh anyone ? She's so sad and I just want to know the right thing to say /do

[bodenbiscuit]

Unfortunately girls are terrible for this sort of thing. Even grown women do it! The 11 year old is choosing to go off with this other girl. That in itself is obviously not bullying but whispering about your daughter definitely is.

I would tell her to move on and leave them to it. My dd is nearly 12. She and her best friend were inseparable too but then recently their school closed and they both went to different schools. A few weeks ago my daughter was told by her supposed best friend that she's decided not to invite my daughter to her party this year because she only wants her friends from her new school to come. My dd is very hurt because her birthday is at the same sort of time and she wanted her best friend to come together with her new friends.

Unfortunately there isn't anything you can do about it :(

[EnglishWeddingGuest]

Thanks Bodenb - yes I think the 11 year old is very flattered by attention and likes 12 year old - which is all fine of course - just hurts for the person left out :-(

[bodenbiscuit]

It does. How long has it been going on? Things may change in time. I would certainly encourage her to concentrate on her other friends.

[EnglishWeddingGuest]

About three months
Yes re other friends