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Does this all sound normal?

(6 Posts)
Handywoman Sun 05-Jul-15 20:56:47

My dd1 was 12 in April, in Y7.

Very social and independent. I had a function to go to yesterday which was in town. She doesn't need 'babysitting' and has just started making arrangements with friends and going off to town etc. so I let her go to the local pool with her mates while I was at function 5 mins away. She has also said she was going into town after, which she did, with her mates.

She stayed in touch, walked home and it later transpired she'd bought some hair removal cream shock

She is blonde with fine hair, she implored 'but my friends do it' blah blah. I wasn't happy and told her to bin it! Which she did with only minimal fuss, as it turned out (to my surprise).

This morning she informed me that after she'd done her homework she was going out to the park with friend X 'and another friend'..... I questioned further and she went all coy and this other 'friend' was her boyfriend, a boy from Y7!!!!!!

It was all quite sweet and I verified the presence of the female friend.

My question is.... I feel so out of control now that she's in Y7 and has so many new friends and is going out independently like this!!!! And is it normal for me to have turned into a mega controlling parent? I used to be so laid back but am now constantly demanding evidence of things and spot-checking phone (few Instagram issues!)

And does this all sound normal for this age?? It all (boyfriend, hair removal, private life) seems so much so soooooon!!!

Someone please set me straight!!!!

TeenAndTween Mon 06-Jul-15 15:00:03

Hair removal fine.

Making own arrangements. Fine. Provided she continues to double check with you.

Boyfriend. Umm not so keen. My DD1 jumped about 11 steps in development, to produce a boyfriend in y8. DD1 is a vulnerable and we were not keen , especially as boy also had issues . It kept going for nearly 2 years. However to locations it was kept to in school only which kept her pretty safe. Boy had a 'managed move' to another school in the end.

If you haven't already done so, I think you need to set some ground rules in place wrt boys. What you consider to be acceptable / not acceptable. Better imo to have firm rules in now before you think they may be tempted to get up to much physically than later to have to turn round and put in rules.

e.g.
Not in house without you present?
Not upstairs?

What does she mean by boyfriend? Is he a friend who is a boy, or some level of romance/physical attraction?
What level of touching are you happy with?

Do other friends have boyfriends, or is she one of the first?

Lots of discussions on what makes a good boyfriend.

If you're lucky it will all be over by the end of term!

Disclaimer, I am often at odds with most of MN on this kind of topic, as I am not a believer of the 'if they want to have sex then they will so let them do it at home' school of thought. I am more of the 'let them understand your standards and expectations' variety

UniS Mon 06-Jul-15 15:04:16

Find out what being boy/ girl friend in yr 7 means. It may be as little as you sit together on the bus or at lunch time.

BrendaBlackhead Mon 06-Jul-15 15:05:58

Dd is 11 (year 7) and she too has suddenly started getting in a stew about hair. She hardly has any! She was asking about face threading of all things. You'd think she was Conchita Wurst.

I agree with TeenAndTween about setting some strong boundaries. Teens (and tweens) have to have something to kick out against and ime "modern parents" inadvertently encourage their dcs to do something worse.

cariadlet Mon 13-Jul-15 23:18:48

dd is also in Year 7 and has got extremely independent this year. She (along with quite a few friends) now gets a bus to a school in the next town and I think this has really increased her confidence.

She often has a friend come back to the house to do homework together (they'll be on their own for an hour or 2 before DP and myself get in from work). This has gone from asking if a particular friend can come on a particular day (with myself and friend's parents texting each other to check we are all ok with the arrangements) at the beginning of the year to her now casually announcing "x is coming back after school tonight". We quite often come home and find they've cooked themselves dinner.

Our only rule is that it's a friend we know and that it's limited to one friend at a time if we're not they're.

She's also started making her own plans to meet up with friends on a Saturdays. She does check it's ok with us - after making the arrangements!

Hair removal - yep!. I've told her there's no need as there's nothing noticeable, but she's nicked my razors a few times when she's been in the bath.

Boyfriend - sort of!
DD had a boyfriend through most of Primary (mostly the same boy). It was very serious in an innocent kind of way - they used to send each other Christmas and Valentine's cards, but there was very little in the way of kissing or hand holding and they didn't see each other out of school.

DD has had 1 boyfriend since starting secondary school. Luckily that turned out to be nothing to worry about either. They had one "date" before breaking up. They met at the local park, arranged for a mutual friend to turn up after about half an hour (I think they were both worried about it being awkward if they were on their own!) and the 3 of them went down to the beach together. DD still insists that she's now been on a date.

cariadlet Mon 13-Jul-15 23:19:57

Excuse typos - I've spotted 2, but I'm sure there are more.

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