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hair removal for pre-teen girls

(36 Posts)
oseejay Sun 31-May-15 13:56:29

My 9 year old daughter is very self-conscious about the hair on her legs and arms. She may have slightly more hair than other girls, I wouldn't say she was abnormally hairy or anything, but her hair is dark which makes it really noticeable. The last couple of years she's felt really aware of it, I think some comments were made at school. She now goes right through the summer with full length leggings, socks and trainers, and won't take her cardigan off at school. She will no longer wear skirts/shorts or short-sleeve tops.

I've tried supporting her through this, and until now have been trying to find a way for her to learn to accept herself as she is. But I am now feeling it's time to think about teaching her to remove the hair so she can feel comfortable and confident (and stop over-heating!).

I don't think she'd cope with waxing (she squeals just taking off a plaster!). Are hair-removal creams safe for girls so young? I'm not sure what is in them and whether it's good for young skin. Is there a cream that is gentler and doesn't have the very strong chemicals in?

Otherwise it's shaving. If she starts before she even hits puberty, will it affect hair growth later on? (maybe kickstart extra hair growth or something?). Sorry, sounds daft, but I worry about it!

Any advice much appreciated!

cheerfullady Sun 31-May-15 22:17:46

Mostly bumping for you. This was me when I was around 11/12 and it made me hugely self conscious but my mum didn't help so I ended up shaving (badly). Eventually a relative in the business offered to wax for me and it made such a difference. Your Dd does seem young to start waxing or shaving but if it's making her miserable then i guys you need to help her.

I react badly to the creams, but your daughter may be ok. The problem with waxing for me was the regrowth was quick and scratchy. Many people believe it makes hair grow back denser but personally I didn't find that. Maybe start by trying hair removal cream on a patch test to see if she can tolerate it? One thing I found for hair on my arms for special occasions was to bleach it, looks a bit odd growing back but it meant I could go sleeveless. You're right though, she needs help with self esteem but it's hard when you're young and being teased...

Hope some others who have been through this with their dds can offer some thoughts though.

AmyElliotDunne Sun 31-May-15 22:27:17

Try a silky mit or hair removing mitt. It's like a really fine sandpaper which you rub in circles on your legs and the hair comes off, leaving your skin really smooth.

I used to use them as a teen and just recently bought some off ebay, they're fab. I was talking to my dd about them earlier and recommending them as there's no pain or danger. My legs do feel a little bit tender, like sunburn, afterwards for an hour or two, but nothing like the pain of waxing!

AmyElliotDunne Sun 31-May-15 22:28:43

Also, I sometimes use an epilator, which does really hurt the first few times, but you get used to it after a while. That has definitely made my leg hair finer.

ConnortheMonkey Sun 31-May-15 22:31:22

My daughter is 8 and same as yours covers up her legs and arms all the time. I have just bought her veet for sensitive skin but not used it yet so watching with interest

AmyElliotDunne Sun 31-May-15 22:32:48

here you go

balletgirlmum Sun 31-May-15 22:35:13

Dd began using veet from the age of 11.5 as she was feeling self conscious in her leotard.

She moved to shaving around the age of 13.

redcaryellowcar Sun 31-May-15 22:38:15

I think waxing is a really good option, warm wax doesn't hurt as much, a plaster being ripped off is not at all similar? When I was a teenager the body shop were selling sugaring kits I think it was supposed to hurt less, but I don't remember waxing being too bad? Not sure if they still do? Waxing will last longer than shaving and I think gradually reduced the density of my leg hair .

Pancakeflipper Sun 31-May-15 22:50:19

Nothing helpful to say as I have 2boys. But you are lovely mums to think, act and not ignore this.

I had dark hair on my arms, legs and a moustache any teen boy would gave been proud of. When I dared (braved) mention it to mother she laughed at me. We never mentioned it again.

I remember saving up pocket money to buy some hair removing cream and blushing bright red purchasing it.

Several years ago I saw a girl in her early teens coming out of a beauty salon with her mother. Her upper lip was red. Obvious upper lip waxing. I restrained myself from hugging that mother.

oseejay Mon 01-Jun-15 09:28:15

Thank you all for the advice. We did try the silky mitt thing last summer and it kind of helped but then she gave up on it as it didn't remove all the hairs unless she rubbed extra hard which she didn't like.
Pancakeflipper, your message made me teary! I can imagine what you went through, as I'm experiencing the same with my daughter and can see how much it hurts her. She also said that a girl at school had asked why she has a moustache. I don't think the girl said it to be mean or tease her, I think she was just asking about something she had noticed and didn't fully understand. Kids can be so direct!
It breaks my heart to see my daughter who is so perfect turning into such a self-conscious girl. Actually this whole experience with my daughter has bought back long-forgotten memories when I was maybe 9 or 10 and was aware of hair on my legs. My mum didn't laugh or anything, but she just said it was normal and didn't do anything about it.

Whereisegg Mon 01-Jun-15 20:20:43

If your dad gets on ok with the sensitive veet, our poundland sell it which could save you some cash smile

FaintlyHopeful Sat 13-Jun-15 09:22:25

My daughter is 9 & has very hairy legs, really dark and long especially on her knees. It really bothered her particularly because her big sister is blonde and practically hairless at 13. I agonised about it for ages but used sensitive veet a couple of months ago and a couple of times since and she's way happier.
I had built the whole thing up thinking that if I did it, she would have some kind of complex about it but it seems to have lifted a weight in terms of her being less inhibited about clothes.

No problems using the cream and no additional growth. If she is getting teased, I would say that hair removal is the lesser of two evils but I do understand that it doesn't feel like a comfortable choice.

JustDanceAddict Mon 15-Jun-15 21:45:11

DD has been removing hair on legs for a year now, so since she turned 12. We do a comb of waxing/cream (hate it!) and if desperate, shaving. She has dark hair too, despite having very light brown hair on her head. DH is an ape though, so it's no surprise she is hairier than me!! We use Jolen on the moustache too. It's what I do as I hate having that area waxed as I always come up in red spots. She wants her eyebrows done now - they are fair actually, but could do with a bit of a tidy.
Also, careful with the removing cream. DD always wants it to the top of her legs cos of shorts, but the thigh is more sensitive and she sometimes gets a bit red and itchy for a couple of days after.

JessiePinkman Mon 15-Jun-15 21:50:15

My mum wouldn't help me either. I shaved my arm hair off a few times then used her epilator when the hair was really short so it didn't hurt. It never grew back! Wish I'd done that on my legs now!

Sparkletastic Mon 15-Jun-15 21:50:30

DD2 has inherited DH's wooly mammoth tendencies bless her. She too was insisting on wearing thick tights or leggings all the while. I shave her legs for her about once a month. The good thing is the hair takes ages to grow back. When she's older I'll give her the choice of cream or waxing but she wouldn't cope with it now.

Sparkletastic Mon 15-Jun-15 21:50:58

DD2 is 9 btw

BCBG Mon 15-Jun-15 21:55:22

Totally totally understand. DD1 was ok until about 13 when I helped her with creams, and she shaves underarms because she reacted the first time she used the cream, so be careful. DD2 is much hairier on her legs and I have managed to get her to allow a salon wax of lower legs which has been very successful. We go at half term and once in holidays. Underarms she uses the cream. We have opened negotiations about her monobrow, grin and I can see that at some point she will need an upper lip wax. DD2 is dyspraxic so she found the whole hair removal thing very stressful, but has managed it fine with gentle handling! Basically I would say that the time to tackle it is when they feel conscious of it, and that there is noting wrong in teaching them how to look after themselves as long as your daughter also understands that its always her body, her choice, and that you are lovely for thinking about it. Please reassure her that lots of girls her age are starting to consider what they want to do.

RandomMess Mon 15-Jun-15 21:55:39

DD4 has been upset about her hairiness since she was 7/8 so far she's not actually got to the point where I've needed to hair remove but I think it's coming soon!

SIL is a qualified beauty therapist and she did tell me that if you wax/pluck hair first of all it often does noticeable reduce the hair regrowth so I'm tempted to go down that route...

I have incredibly strong hair roots and mine tend to snap as I'm fair haired just stick to shaving so a bit worried about inflicting the pain on her!

BCBG Mon 15-Jun-15 21:56:41

Should say DD2 is 13, was 11 when we started thinking about it and just 12 when we went to the salon for the first time. It helped that a friend of hers already went.

shits1 Tue 30-Jun-15 14:44:17

omg i so needed this thread!! dd 11 has been quite upset with her hairiness on her face, arms and legs, I bought her some shavers and also a do-it-yourself waxing kit but we have only used the shavers so far, a bit nervous to try the do-it-yourself wax. I told her however that people don't really shave their arms. I am right, right?? Been thinking of taking her to a salon for waxing or threading for her face, a friend told me shaving is a no-no, she will develop a male sort of shadow... I am completely clueless.....

RandomMess Wed 01-Jul-15 22:11:44

Well I've bought the Philip Lumea for dd1 and dd4. This does mean that I need to shave dd4 legs to use it though - eek. Decided long term it was cheaper than helping her wax them for the next however many years...

CabbagePatchCheryl Wed 01-Jul-15 22:34:32

I am super hairy. When I was born my mum said I had hair on my legs and FOREHEAD!! I am basically a chimp.

I started with bleaching legs and upper lip when I was about 11 or 12. Big faff, not massively effective. Didn't stop boys singing the Gilette song at me at school.

I think, if she can stand it, epilating or similar is probably preferable - it has defo thinned the hair on my lip and legs in a way that shaving/hair removal cream wouldn't. But it knacks.

FWIW I still have really hairy arms and a patch of downy hair in the small of my back. It doesn't bother me any more and has never bothered any boyfriend. And I also have beautiful long dark hair with no grey in it (in my mid 30s) and fab "maxi" eyebrows. So tell her there's an upside to being a chimp!

NinjaBriefs Fri 24-Jul-15 21:11:56

I'm glad I've come across this thread... My ds is 10 & just recently she has been asking me how noticeable the hair on her legs are - she can see them, but I don't really think they are that obvious, depending what light of day it is, iuswim? She has a lovely deep tan skin tone & the hairs on her legs are fine & fair. In some lights I can really see them but in another I can't. But it's not about me, it's about how dd feels. I've not got an idea where to start - what would be the gentlest way forward if she wants to start shaving? Or waxing? or if indeed to wait & see if she asks again?!!! I really can't remember when I began, I think I was about 13 & used my sisters lady shaver!!! What's these removal mits? Thanks!

NinjaBriefs Fri 24-Jul-15 21:12:29

My ds, my dd !!!!

Rachie1986 Fri 24-Jul-15 21:40:03

I was that child.. I'm so glad you're helping her.

My arms are really hairy and I bleach them (boots own and Jolen are both brilliant).. I was always told not to do hair removal on arms because regrowth is awful. Luckily my face isn't too bad, mainly arms and legs.

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