my 12 year old doesn't want to leave the house!

[mrscanuticacq]

My 12 year old son does not want to do anything apart from play computer games, he doesn't want to hang out with his friends in person only online, we planned a family day today and he refuses to even get out of bed, I worry that he's becoming too insular, friends he used to like hanging out with, he no longer wants to be around, he's dyspraxic so now only does anything physical at school, or we drag him to the local swimming pool as this is the only form of exercise that he has a slight interest in. He's well behaved at school, but I find dealing with his lack of motivation and movement at home completely frustrating and upsetting.

[BeeBawBabbity]

I have a twelve year old daughter who is exactly the same. She isn't even interested in the usual social media/phone stuff that nearly all other kids of that age group are keen on. She just draws, reads "web comics", plays guitar, eats and sleeps (when not at school). It makes me sad to see other kids her age hanging out together near our house and having a laugh.

She's very introverted, and if I do arrange for someone to come over she's always glad to see them go, even if she's had a good time. She just prefers her own company I think. She goes to drama on Saturdays which she loves, but that's her only activity apart from guitar.

I don't know how much to push her into socialising if she doesn't want to. I'm never sure if it's shyness, laziness, or she if she just genuinely doesn't enjoy hanging out with other kids her age. I understand that it makes you frustrated, I feel that to.

Sorry, not much advice, but watching with interest to see what others suggest.

[Needaglassofwinedotcom]

I have the same with my Ds 12, just wants to be on computer. He seems happy enough, had friends, but doesn't want to go out. Watching with interest too

[Dancergirl]

How long does he spend playing games? Don't you set a time limit?

[mrscanuticacq]

It's also coupled with the fact my son is dyspraxic, so doesn't naturally enjoy outside activities and enjoys the computer as it's something he is in charge of and can control. My husband and I are not getting on which also may have an effect on my son withdrawing from social activity. His father historically doesn't do any activities with the kids so the pressure feels all on my shoulders. The more I become estranged from my husband, the more my husband makes himself busy with work so is not around, I'm at my wits end and each morning preparing them for school is becoming increasingly harder. My son is constantly complaining of upset stomachs, which I feel are caused my emotional upset, things he, at 12 doesn't understand and can't control. I have taken him to the doctor on numerous occasions, he's had blood tests but nothing has shown up so it leads me to believe that his condition is brought on by his emotional state. I have organised to send the boys to a less pressurised school in september hoping this will help the situation.

[Heartofgold25]

It sounds like you are doing everything you can MrsCanuticaq, it is a really difficult situation for you combined with issues with dh as well. What happens when you take the screens away for a few days? Does he play with you? Board games etc? What other hobbies does he have? Inside the home or outside?
I am also wondering what happens at school, does he play and have friends there according to the form tutor?

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

That does sound like a tough situation. coukd you try a sport with him? Archery is supposed to be good for people with dyspraxia.

[Babyroobs]

I'm having the same problem with my sensitive, intoverted ds aged 12. This evening he has been on the Playstation for most of the evening, and although he is communicating with frineds on it, he can rarely be pursuaded to go out or do anything else. Toinght at 11pm he has ended up onthe verge of tears after spending an hour and a half loading something and then ? didn't get any points ( I don't really understand it !). It has ended up with me getting cross at him and feeling like we are really failing him and he is missing out on a 'proper' childhood. He is one of 4 kids and life is hectic and I admit its sometimes easier for him to be occupied on the PS than moping around or arguing with the others. This half term I am adament he is going to get out and do other stuff, just not sure how to motivate him. So depressing !

[JennyFromTheNorthEast]

I have a similar problem with my 12 year old boy, he gets out of bed ridiculously late and then just eats all day and talks to people on facebook. He does sometimes go out, but always wants me to drop him off where he's meeting his friends

[GotABitTricky]

Old thread, but relevant to me currently....

I limit PlayStation to one hour at a time, but I admit that is the most enjoyable peaceful hour for family in house!

He seems lazy and has many friends but won't go out play football with them nor even walk round shops the other boys all doing.

I have invited friends round to house some weekends but he goes crazy so I now don't tell him in.advance and have them just turn up at door. He always has a fun 3 hours laughing and chatting, but then says he happy when they gone.

Frustrating, as feel he missing out on so much with his pals.

[prince312102]

My 12 year old daughter will not leave the house or her bedroom at the weekend. She only leaves the house to go to school. She walks to school every day so she’s getting fresh air and exercise. Once she’s home it’s straight to her room and into Pyjamas as she’s not leaving the house for the rest of the night. At the weekend we can’t do anything as a family, lunch, movie etc as she refuses to go. As a result I feel trapped in the house during the weekend. When my husband is at home I meet friends or go to an exercise class but we never get to do anything all together. She will come out of her room to help me bake a cake but there’s only so many cakes you can eat! Is this normal? This might seem pathetic but I miss her but I’m trying to give her space as I know she is growing up. I didn’t expect her to completely detach from us in this way. Any advice gratefully received.

[alleycat4567]

My son's similar I try to limit the time he is on his phone after school he has to be off from dinner time otherwise he's on it till he goes bed . It's impossible to have a conversation with him most of the time he doesn't listen cos he's backwards and forwards to his phone I miss him
Now he hides his phone at night cos he is not allowed devices in the room and wants to just wake up at crack of dawn to play on it
I caught hi m in it in the night too . Don't really know what to do .he doesn't listen to me much

[Smith888]

It does sound like he is stressed. To rule anything physical out your GP should fyi do a fecal calprotectin test.

[countryroadstakemeh0me]

This was made in 2015, her son could be 16 by now....

[drhilarybinns]

Hi! Have you thought about trying a summer camp in the holidays ? All three of my daughters went on Superweeks and LOVED them. Not overly physical, just lots of games and play. Sounds like it might be a difficult sell for you, but if you can get him there then he'll be with other children 24/7, with an adult facilitating conversation and fun. They take all screens away at the start which was a huge bonus for me. My daughters always came home energised, more sociable, suggesting games they'd learnt that we could play as a family etc. //www.superweeks.co.uk if you're interested

[Veta1893]

I have the same problem. Except she has no interest apart from phone, video games, creating videos to post on insta. She refuses to leave the house, hang out with friends, forget about any visits anywhere. Summer camp was a huge no, any summer activity. She is very aggressive too, rude sometimes. We’ve recently separated with her dad, so that’s the trigger, but she was always very different to deal with, we also have a teenage son, and he is complete different story. I don’t know what to do.

[prettywoman25]

The Q time app is good for setting time limits on the play station.

[Buttons54321]

Hi, my 11 year old son doesnt want to play out. His friends call for him but he rarely wants to go out. He love playing x box and watching YouTube. He has online friends and seems happy chatting to his online friends. I have anxiety and depression and I feel like I'm a bad mum. I've tried saying about going to park ect but he doesn't want to go and says he's fine. Is anyone else having similar issues?

[sahbear]

Limiting screens and access to them seems the sensible solution. They need to be bored enough to choose to do something else. Many children would spend their lives on screens without control and guidance.

[Gillie79]

Hi, my now 15 year old (his birthday is today) has been getting bullied, it started in December when on new year's eve his so called friends knocked, my son went outside and when he was outside they threatened to stab him. 3rd Jan I get a phone call saying wer going to kill ur son, 4th Jan he gets his nose broken, 5th Jan back door getting booted and fireworks thrown at house. No dates now, got told they r going to raid the house and pump me full of herion, a week later got told they r going to petty bomb the house. Then bricks thru kitchen window. Now my son hasn't left the house since December, I've had to take him out of school. And I'm worried that he's got a phobia about going out, any advice to help my son?

[Timbalee14]

Sounds like you need to call the police first .

[randomguy12]

@Gillie79 has your DS got involved with drugs or something like that?