12 yr old let me down

[lounear35]

Ok so maybe this isn't a big deal but I'm gutted .....tonight inlet my dd have two friends over it was a youngest daughters reading at church tonight and we all said we would see her so off we all go dd and friends ask to sit elsewhere so they go to balcony and sit in make them promise to sit quiet and behave and that I trust them. After big boss in church comes over to me complains about the noise they make and their language. I'm mortified and so angry. Friends meant to stay over sent them home. Took iphone ipad and laptop off dd. U prob think I'm over reacting but I thought I raised my daughter to respect and behave in church as we attend our own every week. Feeling such a bad parent right now and can't talk to her cause I'm scared il hurt her with what I say. My mum says I'm over re acting but yet said if I did it as a child I'd get slapped !!! I don't know what to do

[PamBagnallsGotACollage]

It sounds like you have suitably reprimanded and punished her for her behaviour. I think she is probably too young/ immature to be sitting on her own and especially with friends who she clearly gets giddy with.

Keep her with you next time.

[PamBagnallsGotACollage]

Definitely don't slap her. That really wouldn't be on!

[queenofthepirates]

She's pushing the boundaries perhaps (although by the sound of it, you didn't witness the event so there is scope for interpretation?). All of that is normal. At 13, my church going parents were happy for me to start making my own choices about going to services so maybe she might be better sitting a few out if she's going to disrupt things? I stayed with the church FWIW but nice to have the freedom and respect of my parents to make some choices for myself. By the way, my dad was a vicar so it wasn't a decision they took lightly.

[lounear35]

It wasn't our own church it was a very strict church where men wear suits and women wear hats not like our church where anything goes and folks pray out loud their own prayers so it's noisey. I though I could trust her she said obviously it was other girls saying stuff but even.so I thought she would have maturity and decency to say wise up. I guess I expected to much. Now I have to look at her grumpy face all week. She's only happy when she getting stuff but again that's my fault she's spoilt. I hate being an.adult.sometimes ??

[LastingLight]

I have a 12 year old dd who might have behaved exactly the way yours did, despite genuine intentions not to. They still get so caught up in the moment and each other that they truly forget and of course sometimes they are simply being disobedient. I think you were absolutely right to cancel the sleepover. You can also say to your dd that because she has shown that she cannot be trusted on her own in certain situations she will now be supervised like a younger child, e.g. laptop and ipad use only in public areas for limited time. All in all though I don't think you should take this too personally. You are not a bad parent, your dd just behaved like the immature pre-teen that she is.

[RibbonedandLaced]

Her friends were probably just bored, I have no idea why you would take your daughter and her friends on their sleepover to a church. I wouldn't be surprised if your poor daughter gets taken the mick out of at school for it. It's meant to be a night of fun for them and you forced them into hours of church, I would talk too!