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Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

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Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Preteens

School ski trip - the answer is no but he can't see why

30 replies

CheshireEditor · 22/09/2014 18:47

DS1 Aged 12 Y8 wants to go on a school ski trip in Feb 2015. Besides not being able to afford it without tightening everything, we've said to him that there is plenty of time to go in other years, to get some ski lessons in here first to get some good experience, he will also be a year older and a year wiser, which I think will help. Plus we can save up for it much easier, if it's in 2016! He is acting as if we are the meanest people on the planet and has been quite rude and upsetting with his comments, which shows me he's not mature enough for it yet. I went with school when I was 15 and loved it and I know he will but it's too soon for so many reasons that he can't get despite talking it through a 100 times. He will just have to suck it up and get over it for now won't he? We are not saying 'never' just not now. How can I get him to understand this?

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bananasandchocolate · 22/09/2014 21:11

I think really he should just take time to cool down and realise the logic of why he cannot go. From his perspective, 'all his friends will be going', (they won't) so he must go. The worst that will happen is that he is in a bad mood for a day or so, but just ignore this; you have been perfectly fair, and he will see this eventually.

LastingLight · 23/09/2014 09:06

We often don't get what we want in life, that's a lesson everybody has to learn. So yes, he must suck it up and he will get over it.

CoteDAzur · 23/09/2014 09:11

I think age 12 is not too young to go skiing with school.

If it's a question of money, can he try to earn some until February? Wash cars for neighbours, sell sandwiches etc?

CoteDAzur · 23/09/2014 09:12

Where we live (in France) 8-year-olds whose parents work are often packed off to ski camps during winter holidays.

Viviennemary · 23/09/2014 09:13

In a way I blame the schools for this. But he is disappointed. Could it not be his Christmas/birthday present from you and other relatives. And agree with the raising money though it's not easy.

Floggingmolly · 23/09/2014 09:15

Being upset at not being able to go is not proof that he's not mature enough to go...

PestoSurfissimos · 23/09/2014 09:17

I started at that age with a school ski trip and think it was perfect. You could so easily book him some dry slope/snow dome lessons beforehand so he gets a head start.

If you leave it until next year's ski trip, his mates will be ahead of him ability-wise and he will be stuck in beginners lessons whilst they ski all over the mountain.

I'm sorry, but I'm with your DS, tighten your belts, let him earn some of it himself, but definitely let him go.

VivaLeBeaver · 23/09/2014 09:18

I guess the thing is if his friends are going in 2015 they're unlikely to go the next year. Most kids do it once. So he will feel like he's missing out on a trip with his mates?

grassroots · 23/09/2014 09:19

Why do you think he is too young to/not ready to go?

atticusclaw · 23/09/2014 09:21

I don't think he's too young. Our school ski trip is at age 10. I also agree with a PP who said that it is reasonable for him to want to go in the year that all his friends are going.

However is the issue more that you can't afford it? If you can't you can't it's as simple as that and he needs to learn that he can't just have everything he wants. That's life unfortunately.

flipchart · 23/09/2014 09:21

I don't get your comment regarding him being upset is proof that he isn't mature enough to go.

I remember being furious and disappointed at not being able to go to the village hall disco one week.
It wasn't my lack of maturity that made me upset. It was because I loved going and my friends were going to be there and I was missing out on a good time with them!

PestoSurfissimos · 23/09/2014 09:23

Also, you never know whether the ski trip will be run in future years. Unless a school has keen teachers willing to shoulder the burden of the responsibility, it won't happen.

It is a a great opportunity, sacrifice a bit & let him take it!!

concernedaboutheboy · 23/09/2014 09:23

It is better to learn to ski when you're younger, so on that point you are being u. And being disappointed is a reasonable reaction. I don't think you can say that it indicates immaturity.

If you can't afford it then that's fine. He will just have to get used to it. You could give him the option of getying a paper round and forgoing christmas and birthday presents if you are able to stump up the cost but he needs to be pulled up on the rude behaviour either way.

HairyPotter · 23/09/2014 09:27

I don't think he's too young either. At our school, it's a one chance thing. No option to go another year if you decline this one. Would he actually be able to go another time? Will any if his friends be going then?

Ours ran lessons at the local dry slope for the children that were absolute beginners at a really reasonable cost. (Not sure how much as my dd was already a skier)

If money is an issue then could this be a birthday/Christmas gift? I second the idea if helping to raise money himself with car cleaning etc.

Heels99 · 23/09/2014 09:29

He isn't too young but not being able to afford it is reason enough. Those trips are expensive.

PestoSurfissimos · 23/09/2014 09:32

But it's not as expensive as having to go as a family & learn. Just paying for DS to go with the school is an extremely efficient way of letting him learn to ski and in the company of mates his own age. None of the rest of the family has to go!

PestoSurfissimos · 23/09/2014 09:43

If you can't afford it, then I would say that's a reason enough to say no. But if you can, but just don't want to, then I think you should have a re-think. I think the ski trip at this age will be just perfect for a DS of yours' age. It will be a great experience for him and a nice way to holiday in another country learning a new skill with mates his own age. Not only that, but someone else has the reponsibilty for a week - lovely!

TheAwfulDaughter · 23/09/2014 09:44

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QuintessentiallyQS · 23/09/2014 09:54

He will learn better when he is young. If his mates are going this year, they are unlikely to go next year. If he goes next year, and is outside a group of established mates, he may have a lousy and lonely time. Especially if he is a beginner.

My son went in Y7, and as it was quite early to have established many friendships for him, he was only helped by the fact that he was in the advanced group of skiiers, that were free-riding down from the highest peaks.

You can still manage to get some lessons in between now and then.

But the most beneficial preparation is if he is generally active and fit and has strong legs. Squats and lunges will help, as well as building stamina. Skiing is not hard if you are fit and supple.

CheshireEditor · 23/09/2014 11:43

Arrrgh I think I am being too 'precious first born even' at 12 nearly 13! He would love it, he's very enthusiastic with new stuff, dives straight into new experiences. We could get some lessons in at Chill Factore before he goes.....we do need to sit down with him and talk about it again, explain the £ side of things too.

OP posts:

PestoSurfissimos · 23/09/2014 11:46

Yay!!!

Do it.

He will love it

VivaLeBeaver · 23/09/2014 11:48

I honestly wouldn't worry about lessons before hand, save money for the trip.

99% of the kids in his group won't have had lessons. They will likely have one instructor who will start from scratch. So if he's at a slightly higher level he'll be bored. He'll pick it up quick enough when he's there.

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PestoSurfissimos · 23/09/2014 11:48

Also, I don't know about your DS's school, but at ours we were able to pay for DD's ski trip by instalments. The school set a series of payments and due dates and it made it a lot easier to budget for.

PestoSurfissimos · 23/09/2014 11:54

Disagree, a lesson or two, even if he only gets the feel of how skis and learns to snowplough, will sooooo make a difference to him when he goes.

I did this for DD and it meant that she was up & away skiing from the very first day. She knew how to do controlled turns and how to manage a lift. The first day all the kids are put into groups according to whether or not they've skiied before. It really will save a lot of angst & give him an advantage if he knows what he's doing from the off.

DD ended up in the top group with the ones who had actually been snow skiing before, and they had an absolute blast doing pistes all over the mountain. The ones who had no experience didn't leave the nursery slope for the first couple of days.

Trust me it is sooooo worth it!

VivaLeBeaver · 23/09/2014 11:58

Fair enough. Maybe its different with different schools. Dd could ski black runs and do jumps prior to going on a school trip....and spent the week on a nursery slope.

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