lying about detention

[lu9months]

ds 11 came home last week and told me he would be late home the following day because he had a music practice. I have subsequently found he had a detention for failing to hand in homework. I am really upset that he lied, and have told him so, but he doesn't seem to think its a big deal - he seems to have quite an arrogant attitude about things and not give much thought to what I or his dad feel or think. what is the best way to get through to a child like this, I wonder?

[LastingLight]

My dd 11 has an unfortunate history of telling lies to get out of homework and other stuff at school. We took away privileges and once grounded her for a week. Things have improved.

[Madmog]

It might be that he was worried about telling you and the way he's coming across is his way of trying to cover up how he felt.

My daughter got detention last year (Year 7) and was worried sick about it. I could tell something wasn't right all evening and in the end she came clean and told me - she knew she would have to though as her school serve notice of detention to parents by post and a parent has to send a signed copy in, so there was no way of hiding it. Her detention got delayed as she was geninuely ill on the day and then it was Xmas hols. During that time she was waking every night as it was worrying her and it was such a relief when it was over.

I'd have a chat and explain that you're obviously not happy about the detention but even more unhappy that he lied to you, and that in the future you'd rather he be honest.

[Olivegirl]

My dd2 used to get detention for wearing makeup...
She couldn't hide it, the school would send a text and email to me and dh informing us that she would be late.

The school always kept us informed
Letters by post can always be intercepted by dc

Because my dd2 knew this she would come home and tell me herself.

[AlexandraMansfield]

My 13 year old just recently got a letter sent home as she was doing her homework in a lesson. She told us that she had forgotten to do it at the weekend. When we delved deeper she had been asked twice in the class to stop doing her homework for another lesson. She burst into tears that she hadnt told the truth, we just talked to her like a adult and that we trust her to make the right choices. She is normally very good so Im hoping no repeat of this, she does however understand its not acceptable to lie, even a little