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12 year old bedtime tantrums

(40 Posts)
vicki2010 Sat 11-Jan-14 22:21:49

Can I please have your bedtimes for your 11 and 12 year olds? My ds is driving me nuts with crying and fighting the bedtimes we set EVERY FLIPPING NIGHT!! It's turning me grey, what's the average times please lovely mumsnetters, just so I know I am not completely evil!hmmhmmhmm

lljkk Fri 28-Oct-16 09:58:59

In room = 9pm, I start snarling about lights out from 9:40 or so.
my 12yo shares room w/ 8yo bro, though.

TheFirie Fri 28-Oct-16 09:07:42

When does he do before bedtime. He is reading or doing screens? My (just turned 13) turns the light off around 10, sometimes earlier, sometimes later. But he is in bed reading, so I am happy with that. Weekend he can read till later.
And some days he will be already sleeping at 9. I leave it to him. Of course if I told him he could watch videos, youtube or use the PS4 he could easily not sleep at all. In our house, very little screen time during the week after he comes home from school and certainly not in the hours prior bed

Emochild Wed 26-Oct-16 17:03:24

Dd goes when she's tired and it varies between 8 and 10.30

She gets up no problem and is perfectly pleasant

I don't mind her going later as I enjoy her company

JustDanceAddict Wed 26-Oct-16 16:53:26

School time - 9pm; weekends/hols -10pm unless out.

hanna31531 Tue 25-Oct-16 15:44:42

my 12 year old goes to sleep at 11:30pm on school nights. Is this time appropriate for him hmm ?

CremeEggThief Thu 06-Feb-14 19:44:33

Supposed to be 9.30 lights out for my 11 year old DS on week nights, but sometimes closer to 10...
10-10.30 on weekends usually.

hells456 Fri 31-Jan-14 17:17:28

Forgot to say mine doesn't get up until 7.40.

wannabestressfree Fri 31-Jan-14 17:00:33

Ds1 (16) is generally in bed by eleven
Ds2 (12) in bed between 9.30 and 10.00
Ds3 (10) bed between 8.00 and 9.00

bigTillyMint Fri 31-Jan-14 16:56:00

Is he Y7 or Y8? When ours were in Y7, they had similar bedtimes. Now DS is in Y8 he goes to bed at 10 on weeknights, later on the weekend.

Both say they can't go to sleep till later and I think it's true - something to do with teenage brains, but as DD gets up at 7 and DS at 7.45, they need to be asleep by 11 really.

jungletoes Fri 31-Jan-14 16:52:44

Should've said my 13yo's bedtime is lights out at 9.30pm but she has to get up at 6.30.

jungletoes Fri 31-Jan-14 16:51:21

13 year olds are supposed to have 9 hours sleep a night. I'm surprised at some of the late bedtimes being mentioned on this thread. But if it works in your house then that's ok.

hells456 Fri 31-Jan-14 16:44:37

DD, 12, goes up at 9.30 and lights out by 10.30.

Friday and Saturday nights it's whenever she is tired or annoying us grin

I have caught her still reading after midnight sometimes, but I turn a blind eye as long as she gets up nicely and isn't grumpy. Any moodiness the next day and I make sure it's lights out on time for the rest of the week.

insanityscatching Tue 28-Jan-14 15:21:26

Dd nearly 11 goes up when she chooses, I'd only intervene if she wasn't getting up for school. During the week it's generally between 10 and half ten and then she reads. At weekends she's often awake past midnight.
It works here, dh and her db's are night owls too so there is always someone about to keep an eye on her.

sicily1921 Tue 28-Jan-14 15:00:04

Lights out 10.15 pm - up at 7.15am

2kidsintow Sun 26-Jan-14 21:26:31

We start the bedtime stuff at half 8, aiming to be tucked in bed by 9. DD1 is 12 and goes quite easily though. Her idea of heaven is to be lying in the dark in her bed in the quiet.

Her younger sister is another matter however.

survivingthechildren Thu 16-Jan-14 07:28:46

Is it possible to allow him to read for half an hour or so once in bed? Provided that it is just reading, and no electronics or whatever are happening.

That may make him feel a bit more grown up, and he may get on with bedtime without fighting you. I feel your pain though. I have an almost 12yo (DS3) with 2 older brothers, who HATES to go to bed before them. But by Christ does he need his sleep! And I need him to have it!

Do you have any sanctions for not going to bed properly? We had to get very tough a while back and DS3 was creating merry hell over bedtime. We said that if he kicked off at bedtime, the next night he went to bed at the same time as his (much) younger siblings. I simply said that if he was kicking up such a fuss, he must be very overtired and would simply have to go to bed earlier the next day.

If he refused to cooperated with that, then we took away privileges i.e. trips to the corner shop/electronics. It took a couple of early bedtimes for him to realise we were serious, but we got there!

Good luck! I know how they love pushing their luck at this age!

vicki2010 Tue 14-Jan-14 17:10:29

He probably does agree to shut mum up! But at 12 do you really think it's ok to let him stay up until he's decided it's bed time? He would never ever go! He really wouldn't.
Is it normal to go to bed before your 12 year old? I can't imagine ever letting him stay awake until midnight

Starballbunny Tue 14-Jan-14 09:34:21

OP, does he actually agree lack of sleep makes him grumpy or does he agree to shut mother up.

If he's still refusing to go to bed it's not a working agreement.

Starballbunny Tue 14-Jan-14 09:31:35

Upstairs by 10pm lights out by midnight!

Is truly the only rule it's worth having.

DD1 would read to 12 (as did I), DD2 tends to lights out 10.30-11 PM. She's grumpy if she's silly and this doesn't cause a fight because she agrees.

Agreement not rules is always best with older DCs

MomOfTwoGirls2 Tue 14-Jan-14 09:14:03

On school nights, we aim for lights out at 9pm. Sometimes it ends up be 9:30. She gets up at 7:15.
10pm ish on weekends. At later during holidays.

vicki2010 Sun 12-Jan-14 20:04:05

Thanks for the reassuring replies, when he's had a good night sleep we can reason with him and explain it isn't a punishment it's because it's what he needs and he agrees! It's when he becomes overtired he gets emotional and stubborn!
Grrr, this parenting is bloody hard work, enjoy them while they are young because it really does get harder as they get older I think in a lot of ways!

stealthsquiggle Sun 12-Jan-14 16:05:32

Over Christmas, when we let him stay up as late as he wanted a few times, it has become clear that my DS does still get overtired, and when overtired he will refuse to recognise that he is tired, and therefore will refuse to go to bed, which becomes a vicious circle much like the one I suspect you are stuck in, OP.

I use the boarders' bedtimes as a lever with DS because it is a definitive "someone else says" standard to work to, and the timetable that most of his classmates are working to. The main challenge that we have is that evenings are so busy and rushed that we really struggle to get DD (7) to bed sufficiently earlier than DS for him to feel that there is a difference. We have to have fed DD before we pick DS up at 7:30pm, otherwise by the time they have eaten it is bedtime for both. Trouble is, that only works when DH and I are both home so that we don't have to drag DD out in pyjamas to pick DS up.

I feel your pain, OP - they are not old enough to decide for themselves, but they are too old to be "put" to bed against their will.

LastingLight Sun 12-Jan-14 14:01:15

11 year old, lights out at 20:00 or soon thereafter, she gets up at 6:20 on weekdays. Weekends lights out at 21:00.

InsanityandBeyond, my dd is having problems with sleep at the moment and it looks as if chamomile tea works even better than melatonin.

InsanityandBeyond Sun 12-Jan-14 00:29:39

Nope should have been DTS1 has suffered due to DTS2 keeping him awake and he is now in the same crap sleeping routine as DTS2.

InsanityandBeyond Sun 12-Jan-14 00:27:22

I have twins DSs who will be 12 next month. School nights it is 9pm in bed but they are often in and out of bed and talking until 11pm shock which drives me batty as they are loud and bang about and have to be literally pulled out of bed at 7.45am to leave for school at 8.15am. Putting them in different rooms did not help at all as they would just creep in and out of each other rooms and usually end up in the same bed even though they profess to 'hate' each other grin.

Weekends it is supposed to be 10pm but the same problem occurs. DTS1 oddly manages to get up very early on weekends, sometimes before my 3 year old, and I have to tell him to go back to bed hmm.

DTS2 has learning difficulties, has always been hyperactive and has had long running issues with getting off to sleep so much so that his paed recently prescribed him melatonin which worked wonderfully until he complained of nightmares, which is a side effect apparently, so I have stopped them. The first night he was asleep in bed by 8pm without even being told to go was a revelation to me. No idea what to do with them now. DTS2 has suffered due to DTS1 keeping him awake and he is now in the same crap sleeping routine as DTS1. It one of the many banes of my life!

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