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Is this normal behaviour for a pre-teen?

(27 Posts)
ImASecretTwigletNibbler Wed 08-Jan-14 12:42:08

DD is coming up to 11yo and is driving me BATTY by not remembering simple little things which I ask her to do over and over. I ask her literally every single day not to leave her dirty clothes on the bedroom floor, to turn her bedroom light off when she leaves the room, that sort of thing but she NEVER does. I've tried everything I can think of to stop it, to no avail. I've talked to her about it, explaining why it's a problem, and each time she swears she'll do it but it's as if she is physically unable to remember. Obviously I wouldn't necessarily expect her to remember one-off things but when she changes her pants each morning, surely it should come into her head when she chucks them on the floor hang on, Mum tells me about this every single day?! Are other kids this age like that? AIBU to expect her to remember such things?

throckenholt Wed 08-Jan-14 13:17:16

You are not being unreasonable to expect it to happen - however in my experience (3 boys - 1 12, and two almost 11) - it takes a LONG time of reminding before things happen.

Mine seem incapable of turning off lights, can sometimes put dirty washing in the right place etc. But 2 of the 3 are now almost routinely keeping their rooms tidy (the other has fairly random bursts of enthusiasm).

Keep at it - something gets through - I know because they repeat my words at some later stage - so I know it got through and stored somewhere in their brain - now just to get it connected to the right action smile

bigTillyMint Wed 08-Jan-14 13:19:43

Totally normal IMHE! And also very frustrating.

Just keep on - DD is very gradually showing flashes of slight improvement. She is 14!

PortofinoRevisited Wed 08-Jan-14 13:21:23

Sounds like my dd. It is infuriating but normal.

SarahAs Wed 08-Jan-14 13:25:06

My 15yo is exactly the same, I must sound like a broken record! I eventually have to get cross with her, when for the 5th day in a row that cup is still on her windowsill/dirty clothes are still on the floor/empty crisp packet on the floor next to the bin!
Mind you it took me about 2 years to get her to wash (from the age of 11-13 i had to drag her into the bath or shower) but she turned a corner and now i can't get her out of the shower! I'm hoping she'll turn this corner too and just do what she's asked!

LastingLight Wed 08-Jan-14 13:29:09

We made a list of things dd (11) has to do and stuck it to her bedroom door. She either doesn't look at the list, or thinks she has already done things on it when in fact she hasn't. So I'm back to telling her every day to do the same things, over and over...

Weegiemum Wed 08-Jan-14 13:42:24

This is normal in our house (we have a just-10 dd2 and an almost-12 ds). DD1 is nearly 14 and she has started remembering about wet towels on the floor/dishes in her room.

Ds leaves his light on so much (it's a paper globe) that dh painted the "Eye of Sauron" from Lord of the Rings on it!! All we have to say "Oh NO! The EYE is watching" and he turns it off!

sussexmum38 Wed 08-Jan-14 17:01:32

Annoying but normal. I don't think mine have grown out of it.

sussexmum38 Wed 08-Jan-14 17:01:44

Annoying but normal. I don't think mine have grown out of it.

Hate to tell you but as per others up thread, it's all downhill from here....

DD 13 throws her pants at the laundry bin but never puts them in... DS15 prefers the leave it all on the bedroom floor method... until he gets nagged enough then shoves everything (including the clean stuff he didn't put away) back into the laundry bin....

lights.... whole house will be lit up when I go home...

Kittcen will be covered in pots from one end to the other... at least they've had tea though smile and various glasses, mugs and plates will be scattered throughout the house...

Cats won't have been fed but will have been stuffed with treats, and my evening duty as taxi driver begins at 7:15 as its explorer scouts tonight

ImASecretTwigletNibbler Thu 09-Jan-14 09:01:57

Well I'm sorry for all of you but very glad to hear that it's not just my DD! I was beginning to wonder whether she actually had something wrong with her that made her unable to remember these things.

LastingLight, LOL, I read your first bit about putting a list on her bedroom door and thought "aha, that's it!" - then read the bit where you said it didn't work anyway smile

I did wonder about charging her for electricity when she leaves the light on smile As of last night I officially relinquished control of her bedroom and said that I was no longer going to tidy it up and it was her responsibility to put dirty clothes in the laundry or they wouldn't be washed. She HATES wearing trousers to school and only has two skirts so I reckon by about next Wednesday she will have to go to school in trousers and this may get the message through. Clearly she isn't inconvenienced by her actions at the moment, so she has no incentive to change. There is a half-eaten banana on her bedside table that's been there for 3 days - not sure whether I want it to go mouldy/get flies or not smile (teaching her a lesson versus ewwwww).

Starballbunny Thu 09-Jan-14 09:11:38

DD2 seemed to forget how to do all organised and helpful things the day she started secondary.

Partly loads of new things and, I think, a subconscious desire not to grow up. To still be mothered and looked after.

It's infuriating, but I mostly let it go. Her 15y big sister is getting much better. Interestingly at the same time as planning where to go for 6th form and uni.

LastingLight Thu 09-Jan-14 09:26:14

"She HATES wearing trousers to school and only has two skirts so I reckon by about next Wednesday she will have to go to school in trousers and this may get the message through."

Won't work for my dd, she happily wears dirty clothes.

Dancergirl Thu 09-Jan-14 14:48:30

Those with girls - is my dd the only one to take off knickers and tights/leggings TOGETHER and sort of leave them in a heap on the bathroom floor..?

Starballbunny Thu 09-Jan-14 15:58:34

No, but don't we all when tired and in a rush?
Any way it's better than DHs habit of leaving his socks under the coffee table, his pants by the bed and loosing his trousers and consequently his keys.

bigTillyMint Thu 09-Jan-14 16:50:13

dancergirl, no. My DD does it. And DS takes trousers off with boxers and even more annoyingly, jumpers off with shirtsangry

ImASecretTwigletNibbler Fri 10-Jan-14 11:23:38

Dancergirl, that is exactly what my DD does, despite being told EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

scaevola Fri 10-Jan-14 11:27:21

Dancergirl - and mine!

Who also leaves lights on, leaves dirty plates in random places (well beyond the places it's ok to take a snack), and is incapable of packing her school bag the night before despite reminder and increasingly hideous sanctions every time i have to look for something inthe morning.

ImASecretTwigletNibbler Fri 10-Jan-14 11:31:34

I'm really worrying about how she will cope at secondary school when they have to remember a lot for themselves sad

Lesshastemorespeed Fri 10-Jan-14 11:34:28

Dancergirl I call these cowpats.

My dd hates it when I tell people her room Is full of cowpats.

I'm going for the public shame approach grin

lollylaughs Fri 10-Jan-14 11:35:52

Pretty normal in this house.... I have now resorted to fining her for each wet towel she leaves lying on her bed and not hanging up. I have told her im deducting x amount from her pocket money each time I find one. It seems to be working. Yes to the leggings and undies off in one hit too.......

ghostinthecanvas Fri 10-Jan-14 11:43:52

My teen changed overnight. He used to be fairly sensible. I miss that. I have found a wee technique that helps though. I ask him to hang up his clothes. Hang them up. Don't leave them in a heap!!! So now they are in a tidy heap. Which is all I want. Can't think of how to get him to tidy round his bed though.
I asked my eldest 5 gazillion times to brush his teeth between the age of 10 to 16. Between the age of 3 and 10 he just did it.

Dancergirl Fri 10-Jan-14 17:52:40

grin at cow pats

Joiningthegang Sat 11-Jan-14 10:40:12

Same here too! Yes legging and pants together, yes tidying up mean all clothes in laundry tidy or not,
Yes to finding socks EVERYWHERE and yes to stuff left growing!

However, I have decided that I will embrace going in and tidying her room once a month or so - who knows what h might find out - I think much better than not knowing anything. Nothing of interest to date but in the coming years maybe something cold alert me to something?

By the way I am not talkin about readin diaries or snooping

Starballbunny Sat 11-Jan-14 13:20:01

No reading diaries or deliberate snooping, but I always have and always will wander in and out of DDs room's gathering up washing and generally keeping an eye on things.

I don't get teens rooms are no go areas for parents, it simply wouldn't work.

I n any case DD2's big room has things belonging to the rest of us stored in its darkest corners.

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