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how do i stop mollycoddling my 11 yr old dd?

(28 Posts)
legolaslass Fri 03-Jan-14 22:46:09

Hi all! Never been in a forum before so apologies if I make mistakes. My problem is that I really do mollycoddle my dd and she is the loveliest child you could ever wish to meet. No temper tantrums,(ever,honestly!), no challenging behaviour, nothing negative at all but I worry I'm a helicopter parent and that that's not good for her in the long term. I have older teens and I never let them wash up, vacuum or even do their own rooms! How do I stop without making my dd feel pushed away, especially as I have a foster child at the moment too? Genuinely need advice. Thank you.

shebird Sat 15-Mar-14 18:25:59

I am also a little guilty of this OP. Although my DD is quite capable of doing most things I just take over without realising. In the rush and chaos of family life i just get on with things and forget that I have two little helpers that would benefit from lending a hand.

MomOfTwoGirls2 Thu 20-Mar-14 09:35:11

Maybe start small and go from there.
Perhaps start with a tidy bedroom. If it is in a big mess right now, do it together and then tell her she needs to have it tidy every weekend.
Make sure she know what you mean by tidy. In my house it means floor cleared of toys (we have plastic totes under their beds), dirty clothes put in laundry basket and bed covers pulled up tidy.

Does she like to help in the kitchen? I bake weekly with DD2(10), who loves it, and can make cakes/buns independently, but I still put them into/out of cooker. I must buy decent oven gloves for her..
I'm hoping to include DD1 in dinner preparation at least once over the weekend shortly. With aim that by September, she can do one or two easy dinners independently.
DD1(11) also makes me cups of tea. This was a homework assignment recently! And it is something she enjoys doing.

The only other chore my girls have is that playroom needs to be tidy every two weeks, or if friends are coming over. They play great imagination games which involves many many many toys spread out all over toy room, and the game continues after school sometimes. That's why I give them two weeks.

There will be other chores added as they get older.

They get a lot of homework, and are involved in lots of hobbies. It is a balance to make sure they have time to play and to relax. But they need lifeskills too. It is an investment in their future..

MomOfTwoGirls2 Thu 20-Mar-14 09:39:54

RockMummy What type of one pot meals can your DS cook? This is something I'm going to do shortly with DD1. I'm going to start with Pasta, she is already working with boiling kettle to make me cup of tea.
And perhaps tomato soup, as she loves to eat that.
But hadn't thought beyond that...

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