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New here. 12 year old DS, 47 year old OH = 2 x 5year olds!!!!!!!!!!

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Lillyella Tue 12-Nov-13 17:21:40

Hi I'm new but really need some impartial advice (not in-laws or parents etc). Don't really know where to start... My DS is 12, I have lived with OH since he was 2. Somehow, they have never clicked really. We now have a DD together (6). DS is severely dyslexic and has some emotional difficulties but not statemented or anything. Things are really coming to a head now, as I type this my DS is at my Mum, he stayed there last night after telling me he could no longer live with "that thing" I live with. OH does not deserve such hatred. He works very hard and is very involved in parenting. He is, however, very old-fashioned when it comes to parenting, having little time for social media, sleepovers, videogames etc We set rules and consequences together but admittedly I am not 100% consistent when doling out discipline, preferring to take each situation as an individual case.
Current situation - DS playing up at school, answering back, not doing homework, getting detentions, even swearing at teacher. The last incident resulted in 2 weeks grounding and daily report from school, during which time we found a long history of porn on DS tablet. Problem usually lies with WHAT OH says, not what he means eg "You're lucky I haven't buried you in the bloody garden after your antics". This is our main source of conflict. Over and over I've said don't use that kind of language, due to DS SPLD he takes things literally, and though I know he doesn't mean it, DS gets understandably upset. Thing is I'm starting to think DS is manipulating the situation, he now knows OH isn't speaking literally, like me saying "oooh I could've wrung his neck" but he will tell my Mum OH threatened to bury him etc. Yesterday he got a negative comment on his daily report so knew that would have resulted in taking his skateboard away for 2 nights. After being at his friends and texting me a few times (all normal) out of the blue my Mum rings to say DS is staying there he doesn't want to come home. I understand my Mum is torn and can't turn him away but could do with showing DS a united front, as in "If you misbehave, there are consequences"
DS has made it quite clear he wants me to leave OH. Quite frankly at the moment I could happily leave them both and take DD. To make matters worse DS has said things to Head of year at school, which has resulted in her considering involvement of social services. Honestly DS is melodramatic, our house is no different than most with teenagers (from speaking to other Mums) but he has it in his head he has the worst childhood going. I feel over a barrell as every time he doesn't like our rules or punishments he knows he can run away to my Mums or speak to school.
This is honestly only scratching the surface but I am at a loss. Considering family counselling... suggestions welcome.

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