Girl politics and parties - aaarrrgghhh!

[imasurvivortoo]

Hi all


My DD is 9, coming up 10. Just started yr5, and (as always!) there is one girl (Girl X!) in her class who is making trouble and generally being a pain. Her mum is THE WORST helicopter parent ever. She is overly paranoid about her daughter, e.g. accompanies all the school trips so she can keep an eye on how her daughter is treated by the others, sits and grills me when we are the gymnastics class about who my DD is friends with, if anyone has said anything about her DD etc. I find it hugely uncomfortable.

Last year, another friend didn't invite girl X to her party as none of the other girls get on with her. As a result Girl X's mum fell out with said friend's mum and then delighted in ignoring said friend and generally making the girl (aged 9!) feel intimidated and uncomfortable.

Girl X's mum is always complaining that Girl X isn't invited anywhere, no-one likes her etc. And I can understand why!

So my DD's party is coming up and of course she doesn't want to invite Girl X. Which I KNOW will lead to trouble and her mum will stop talking to me (no issue with that - apart from she WILL hold a grudge and will probably make my life difficult at school events, but I'm a grown up and can cope with that).

What would you do? I don't want my DD to feel she HAS to be friends with girl X - of course she doesn't. But I don't want her life to be made miserable either. Any advice from parents who've been there and got the t-shirt would be most welcome!

[Takver]

I like the rule-of-thumb that you can invite up to half of any obvious social grouping without exclusions being a problem, but above that it becomes hurtful and tricky.

So eg: there were 6 girls in dd's year at primary - so any party with more than 2 girls + dd really needed to invite all of them (but more boys, so inviting say 3 boys was pretty safe)

I would say if you are within the 'not more than half' limit, no problem to exclude girl X - above that, it becomes unkind.

[ThreeBeeOneGee]

I agree with Takver. So long as your DD invites fewer than 50% of the class (especially fewer than 50% of the girls) then I wouldn't give it a second thought. You can't please everyone all of the time.

[Dancergirl]

I agree with the above but I do feel a bit sorry for girl X. For whatever reason it does sound like she's unhappy and maybe that's why she behaves as she does.

What does she do to make trouble?