Dd starting to get bullied at high school

[Bluemonkeyspots]

Just really looking for a bit if advice on the best way to deal with it, she is my first at high school and i don't want to make it any worse.

My first reaction is to wait at the school gates and strangle the little sods but i realise that is totally irrational!

In one of her classes (only once a week this class is on) she is in a group with another girl and two boys. One of the boys and the girls have been giving her nasty comments and calling her names/putting her down since school started a few weeks ago. She has told me about it but said she wanted to try and deal with it herself and i obviously praised her and told her to keep me posted. She has told me tonight the other boy in the group has been turned againsed her and she is miserable at the thought of going to this class again

I've tried calling the school but everyone has left so will call in the morning, I was just going to leave a message for her guidance teacher to call me and ask what they are going to do about it. I am really not wanting to make things worse though by having the bullies know her mum has called the school. I'm not sure if I should go into the school in the morning but if the teachers in class I would need to wait for him to call me anyway.

Am so upset about this, she is such a quiet thing and so bloody sweet that I hate the thought of people being nasty to her and making her dread this class. They are also in other classes with her but this is the only one that she is in a small group with them.

Anyone got any words of advice? First time dealing with this so am torn thinking how to handle it best so I don't make things worse. It's quite a "rough" school unfortunately

[toolatetobed]

I would say if your daughter knows you have called the school, tell her not to say anything to any other pupils (including best friends) about you having called. (She may already be clear that she is not going to tell anyone, but best to be clear on that.) When you speak to someone from the school, let them know that you don't want them to say anything in front of the other kids about you having called. I would not go into school at this stage. As you say, the teacher concerned might be teaching all morning anyway and your phone call may be enough to get the school to deal with the problem. Hopefully, once made aware of the problem, the teacher in the problem class will "happen" to swap the groups around so that your daughter is in a different group. Let your daughter know that you want her to keep you posted. Hopefully, the school will be able to nip this in the bud. However, if they don't take action, be prepared to be more persistent, including making an appointment to speak to someone in person if needs be.

[Lottie4]

If you phone up the school, they may be able to give you an email address to contact the teacher who has that lesson. That way, no one else needs to know other than him/her. If it's brought to the teacher's attention then they can keep a general eye on it and deal with it appropriately.

As toolatetobed said, it's worth telling your daughter not to mention it to anyone else. Friendships aren't always easy for them and they can detest/not get on with someone for ages and the next thing you know they are good friends for life.

[sicily1921]

Bluemonkey so sorry for you and DD having to put up with this. My DD has just started high school so I am a bit nervous as her 3yr older brother was bullied initially.

I would say do not worry over the phoning the school issue, the bullies do not need to know this! Speak calmly and firmly to the teacher, tell them your DD should not have to put up with this and ask them how they are going to deal with it. State that the fact you have phoned is to remain private if at all possible (it should be at this early stage). If DD has a form tutor or Head of Year I would make sure they were aware of the issue. Keep a short diary/note of when you have phoned, what the issues are. If things don't improve after a few weeks then ask for an appointment with Head.

Your DD sounds lovely and strong for handling so well up to now. Try to talk to her calmly about it, don't show too much stress (even though you'll feel it ) and let her know that you are listening, you are there to talk and you are taking action to get it sorted. I hope all goes well, good luck with it, thinking of you and DD.

[Bluemonkeyspots]

Thank you everyone, this is what I was dreading the most about her going to high school hate it when you have to let them go that bit and start trying to get them to deal with things a bit themselves.

She has done brilliantly at trying to deal with it so far, she is in every class with the girl involved and has done great at at trying to stick up for herself when surrounded by others it's just this one class with the small group where there is no escape from the bitchyness and name calling that I'm concerned about at the moment.

The school were great when I phoned first thing, they put me through to the head of year right away which I wasn't really expecting and could hardly get a word in when i spoke to him, he was "right, I'll get in touch with the teacher and get her moved groups. We'll do it so it looks like a general class shake up and not for her benefit. I'll speak to the girl if you want me to but at this stage I think it's better we all keep an eye on it rather than drawing attention to the problem and maybe making it worse" so I was impressed with his approach. I called dd before she reached school to tell her and she was happy with the outcome so fingers crossed this will sort it out.

Thanks again for your replies and for the suggestion about keeping a diary. I had not thought of that but going to keep a note of dates in my phone incase we do need it at a later date.

[sicily1921]

This all sounds good, I am glad for you both, hopefully it will resolve and be glad you have such a good and sensible DD!

[Gatekeeper]

very positive last post; hope it works out for your dd. My dd has just started secondary and it's something I dread happening

[makemineaginandtonic]

I can recommend a book called Little Girls Can Be Mean by Michelle Anthony.