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How to help a 10 year old girl get a bit 'with it'...

(49 Posts)
gleegeek Mon 23-Sep-13 14:38:25

My dd turned 10 in August, so the youngest girl in her year. She tells me that some of her oldest friends don't play anymore (some of them are turning 11 this term) Apparently climbing trees is babyish toohmm

While I would like her to be a child as long as possible I am aware that she does still play imaginative games, dress for comfort rather than style etc

Would you mind telling me what your 10/11 year old girls are into so at least I can make sure dd isn't left out because she doesn't know stuff?? She watches American trash like Jessie, Ant Farm and loves GBBO so I think she is reasonably mainstream but I overheard one of dds friends saying she watches Alien, The Omen and the Saw films (which I don't feel are appropriate!)

She likes Minecraft, making friendship bracelets, riding her bike, reading.

I was bullied badly at secondary school and I'd love dd to avoid this if possible... Is there anything else I should be thinking of?

sparklekitty Mon 23-Sep-13 14:45:27

I teach this age group and it's so varied. Lots of the girls in my class like drawing and crafty stuff, some like one direction and pop stuff which I hate.

I guess they're quite different in school though so don't know how helpful that is.

Your DD sounds lovely btw, love kids that still enjoy 'babyish' stuff like climbing trees and dressing up smile

PeterParkerSays Mon 23-Sep-13 14:49:10

Does your daughter have any good "sensible" friends? Not the one who watches Saw (yes, we believe you love hmm).

There's no reason why your daughter should fit in with the herd - she could decide she likes horse riding, or wants to do Duke of Edinburgh. If she has confidence in who she is, it will be more difficult for her to be bullied as she'll be less likely to worry what other people think, and happy in herself.

I'd work on boosting her choices that she makes now, rather than trying to suggest new interests for her.

mintgreenchilli Mon 23-Sep-13 14:51:16

There was a similar thread to this a couple of months ago and I found it so, so sad.

So what if she doesn't want to grow up just yet? Encourage her in finding her own interests - these will lead naturally to more grown-up ones in the future.

I grew up not following the herd and being proud to be my own self. I would have been devastated if my mother thought this wasn't good enough.

bigTillyMint Mon 23-Sep-13 14:52:37

gleegeek, your DD sounds lovely and very normal. My DD (14) is only just venturing into horror-movie territory, at 10 she still did all the things your DD does apart from Minecraft (no interest whatsoever in computer games!) and she did a lot of sport. And climbed up trees!

It sounds tile the friends are either growing up too quickly or making up stories - those films are not appropriate for 10yo's IMHO!

Fairylea Mon 23-Sep-13 14:52:48

I'd just let her lead smile they really are all different!

My dd was also 10 in august. She enjoys chatting to her friends on Googleplus (they are all on it, I closely supervise!), she likes watching you tube videos of people covering pop songs (!), she likes music in general and plays games online like wooz world and fight my monster (again only with me in the same room).

Her favourite films are wild child, Angus thongs, mean girls, hot chick - she likes teeny comedy stuff..I don't mind her watching 12s if I've seen them myself, she is sensible enough to know swearing isn't acceptable so I don't mind if it has an odd swear word or a sexual reference but nothing mega bad. I wouldn't let her watch anything too sexual and certainly not an 18 or scary!

Fairylea Mon 23-Sep-13 14:54:24

Also meant to add my dd does play sometimes too! She has lots of toys and the other day I came down to find her playing with moon sand! The day before that her dolls and doctors set!

Redlocks30 Mon 23-Sep-13 14:54:40

My DD is 10 and is v similar to yours. She likes watching Jessie, Good luck Charlie etc, Reading (Diary of a wimpy kid), baking, making random things out of glitter and boxes, playing Minecraft, Facetiming friends whilst playing Minecraft! Brushing her hair, playing the piano, painting nails, colouring in. When with friends, they'll tend to run around in the garden making perfume and making up dances and shows.

I can't say many of her friends do anything different. Saw??!

Madlizzy Mon 23-Sep-13 14:56:34

She'll be aware of what's with it herself, but is choosing to be comfortable in her own skin rather than follow the herd. She sounds like she's doing fine as she is. I understand the feelings you have about being bullied, I had them myself, but let her take the lead on this.

gleegeek Mon 23-Sep-13 15:00:02

This is fantastic! Thank you so much smile

I love dd exactly as she is, I just want to make sure I'm not holding her back in some way by not knowing what the current trends are and what is appropriate. She is lovely, the most caring child you could ever hope to meet (often at the expense of herself). Friendship means everything to her however, and if I can make sure that together we make the right choices for dd, then hopefully she'll sail along happily.

Fairylea I had never heard of any of those things tbh, off to google! I can see by some of the films your dd is watching, however, that dds film watching is on the young side. She just about watches PG but has never seen a 12A... so I'll have a look at those too!

Keep your ideas coming please!

wilbur Mon 23-Sep-13 15:02:39

Your dd sounds lovely, and very like my dd who is the same age. Thankfully at her school there are very few girls in her year who are into "older" interests (One Direction, designer labels and the like) and she has a terrific group of lovely friends who are all into all sorts of different things. She's very happy with imaginative play, climbing trees, going to Brownies, doing crafts etc. She started reading Harry Potter over the summer, having resisted it before, and is now mad keen on that, and she knows the words to quite a few current pop songs (James Blunt's new one and Katy Perry's) but isn't into the artists particularly, IYSWIM. She's finding her own way and it is lovely to watch. Please relax and let your dd do the same, and if there's something that makes her unhappy at some point to do with her friends, you can help her then.

PractialJoke Mon 23-Sep-13 15:03:29

I think her attitude is much healthier and so much better for her confidence long term. Much better to know and accept yourself and be comfortable being a little bit different than constantly trying to fit in.

LifeofPo Mon 23-Sep-13 15:05:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackforGood Mon 23-Sep-13 15:10:56

My dd has just turned 12 - so one of the oldest in Yr7 - a school yr above your dd but almost 2 years older.
- She loves to climb trees - indeed, she's just spent a weekend with Scouts learning how to camp without a tent (sleeping in shelter made by self) and cook without utensils.
- She goes "out to play" with the little boy from next door and they play all sorts of imaginative stuff, including making dens. She likes to ring up her friend to see if she can come round to play, and that's generally in one or other of their gardens.
- She likes to dress for comfort but does also like to dress up in her finest (some interesting combinations!) but this is not a 'hitting teens' thing, she's loved to do this since she was about 5).... wouldn't be able to tell you any "named" brands or anything though - she just tries on what she likes.
- Don't know the 2 programmes you mention - she watches mostly stuff off CBBC, but also likes The Big Bang Theory and Glee
She doesn't bother with the x-box, but she likes listening to audio tapes as well as reading and watching films - she has watched 12s and 12As, (and had before she was 12, I mean) generally teen musical type things.

That's for a point of reference of where my dd is, who is virtually 2 yrs older than your dd, but as others say, it's far better to ensure your dd has high self esteem and is confident in her choices, than trying to persuade her to like some things she might not otherwise choose.

gleegeek Mon 23-Sep-13 16:03:38

This is really reassuring, thank you. It's lovely to hear from parents of similar girls - it has felt like dd is the only one who still playssad I think I'm feeling a little unsettled with all the talk of secondary school, SATs etc and just a bit worried that it's all coming at us too fast and too soon.

Dd is obviously sad that her friend doesn't want to play anymore, but you've given me some ideas of new activities to suggest that they might share short of horror movies! It's such a funny age and dd doesn't always tell me stuff immediately, so I guess it's me who needs to get with it, rather than ddgrin

BackforGood dd needs to find a friend like your dd - it sounds like they'd get on really well! (apart from the dressing up thing, dd has never liked it at all...)

May I ask another question? Where do your dds get their clothes from? Apparently Next is babyish too, is that right??? We buy a bit from Primark, but have been caught in M&S too, that's not cool is it? I'm not ready neither is my purse for Hollister et al...

NoComet Mon 23-Sep-13 16:21:53

DD2 may like you to think she's the little teen, but I caught her playing with her playmobil in the holidays. And don't tell her SIMS is just playmobile on a screen. She's still building, houses and worlds for pretend people and bossing them about.

She has replaced "playing on the trampoline" with "practicing gymnastics on the trampoline" same difference except the latter sounds far more grown up.

Writing "Fan fiction" is still writing stories and three different "hip rock chick" outfits in a day and five hairstyles is still dressing up.

However, I'm not going to tell her wink

As to clothes, Primark, H&M, Matlan, New look, M&S, Gap, Nike and Next (who have the best selection of colours, styles and fittings of trousers for preteens anywhere. Sadly their tops do tend to 'babyish' although DD has a lovely denim over shirt from there).

AbiRoad Mon 23-Sep-13 16:31:44

My DD2 is the year below (but older in the year). She loves climbing trees and imaginative games, and is also quite sporty. She also likes to think she is quite trendy and up to speed on pop music, fashion etc. She mainly watches age appropriate stuff but does watch the odd 12 when I have seen it (eg she loves Outnumbered and the "grown up" bits are still above her head) I think it is a lovely age as they can be such a funny mix. I really dont think you need to start worrying too much unless your DD is.
Re clothes, we get clothes from GAP, Boden (some mini, some Johnny B), H&M, Zara, Primark etc (and DD considers herself quite fashionable!)
She does have the odd item from Hollister/Abercrombie (bought with her money).

LifeofPo Mon 23-Sep-13 17:54:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeenAndTween Mon 23-Sep-13 18:42:45

I remember when DD1 (young in year) was in y6. The other girls decided they were too old to play at playtime.... so she played with y5 instead (many of whom she was closer in age to).

New Look Generation 9-16 may be worth a try. And supermarkets.

BackforGood Mon 23-Sep-13 19:01:52

GleeGeek - I have an almost 15 yr old dd who hates having to put on anything that's not combats and a hoodie - I think it's more 'their nature' than their age.

Can't help you with the clothes I'm afraid - my dd almost exclusively wears 'handmedowns' - which she loves as every now and then a great sackful of "new" clothes arrives for her to wear. No idea of which shops things are from, sorry.

I think StarBallBunny has got it right with the names of the activities changing more than the actual activity. Instead of saying 'Can Katie come to play?' she now tends to say "Can Katie come round?" - but it's the same stuff goes on grin

mrspremise Mon 23-Sep-13 19:15:24

Never say 'with it' again? grin

BehindLockNumberNine Mon 23-Sep-13 19:22:16

My dd and her best friend are both about to turn 11 by Christmas so amongst the oldest in their class.
Both love tree climbing, horses, animals, imaginative play (usually revolving around a riding stables or veterinary surgery). My dd is animal obsessed, her friend is very creative and loves sewing. Their group of friends like art, drama, music, putting on plays, tree climbing and getting mucky, board games and they all go on Pottermore. (they have not discovered minecraft yet)
Dd's friend is just becoming aware of clothing and accessories and will 'dress up' for the school disco (leggings, denim shorts, t-shirt, floaty scarf, sunglasses, strappy flat sandals). My dd is not fussed and will turn up in whichever item of clothing falls out of the wardrobe.

I think they are (for want of a better word) normal.

There is a small number of girls in their class who seem more 'street wise' and who are already of fb, drool over popstars and wear expensive branded clothing.
But they are not in the majority.

So I think your dd is perfect as she is smile

BehindLockNumberNine Mon 23-Sep-13 19:23:17

of fb should be on fb

Takver Tue 24-Sep-13 14:45:05

DD is 11 and just started secondary this term. She was definitely very much like your dd last year - playing with Playmobil / climbing trees / making dens etc.

She still does all this though the Playmobil now only really comes out when she has a younger friend round. Now she makes games on Scratch which like an earlier poster says of SIMS is not so very different, but it is 'programming' so it is grown up grin. She still loves to play in the woods making dens, they just use proper tools and call it shelter building.

TV, she likes Dr Who, MI High, Sarah Jane Adventures, Mythbusters, very excited about the new series that is a spin off from How to Train your Dragon. She has absolutely no interest in music at all, we did get her the NOW CD at Christmas to maybe try to encourage her a little bit to listen to the stuff her peers like but she hated all of it.

I did worry about her going up to secondary, but as it works out she has made a few lovely new friends, one apparantly has a room full of toy Daleks, and they definitely aren't any more stylish or grown up than dd smile

She's never going to be the 'cool girl' in her year, but actually it sounds like the grown up mature girls from primary are actually struggling more with friendships, maybe they have more to live up to IYKWIM (though they aren't at the same school, so it could just be the yeargroup).

Remember secondary will have lots more dc for your dd to make friends with - dd has gone from 5 other girls in her year to 40 odd and she is at a small rural secondary, most will be bigger. There will be lots of children like your dd!

Takver Tue 24-Sep-13 14:46:21

Obviously the friends aren't more stylish/grown up, not the Daleks . . .<syntax fail>

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