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DD age 9 vv upset at bedtime - can't sleep for worrying

(36 Posts)
CocktailQueen Mon 15-Apr-13 18:25:30

Help please! DD has always gone through periods of worrying about bedtime and not being able to fall asleep. Thought we'd cracked it but the last two nights she's been terrible.

She found a field vole on Saturday and brought it home to nurse. But it died on Sat eve and she has been inconsolable ever since. She had to sleep in our bed on Sat night and last night wanted to sleep in the spare room (it's nearer the top of the stairs and therefore nearer us) but she woke at 11 and came into our bed for the night again. She woke at 6.30 and immediately started worrying about going to bed tonight!!

We bought her a worries book ages ago, and one suggestion in it is to have a 15-min worry time where she can talk to us, and for her to imagine locking her worries away in a box till then. But she's been tearful today as well.

Has anyone any helpful suggestions for dealing with her/helping her?? I don't want to be agreeing with her worries but need this to be sorted out as she needs her sleep! And so do we... and I'd also like her to be able to manage her worries.

She's in Yea 4 and transferring to middle school in Sept so is a little apprehensive about that.


shewhowines Wed 17-Apr-13 14:58:28

I have a DS exactly the same - his worry is burglars and it only affects him at night. He's 10 and has always had this fear but the periods of coming in to our room didn't last long and he could be bribed out of it.

Since Christmas it's got worse. No amount of bribery will work and he now needs sitting with, to fall asleep and then he will come in to our room during the night, where he then stays. I was tying myself in knots trying to help him with loads of different strategies. We are now seeing a psychologist and whilst he hasn't "been cured," I have been advised to not "engage". That has taken the pressure of me, which is a relief. When he starts talking about being worried i have to say "Yes I know you are worried and we also know there is no real reason for you to be worried".

I too, am hoping that he won't still be doing it when he is 15.

shewhowines Wed 17-Apr-13 15:00:58

Although if it is relatively new, you should discuss the fears. We are now not engaging because the discussing it all the time was getting us nowhere.

elfycat Wed 17-Apr-13 15:10:37

Would you condiser complementary therapies?

One I have is an Indigo remedy Sleep Easy (in lavendar spray) for DDs rooms link I also use 'Chill' from the spray range and 'confidence' drops on the DDs (and myself - easpecially chill)

Or there is a Bach Flower remedy - rescue remedy with extra White Chestnut. White Chestnut helps to change revolving thoughts, like those people have at night. Boots and Holland and Barrett will do night remedy.

CocktailQueen Wed 17-Apr-13 19:27:51

Thanks all. We are discussing her fears and tonight she said she's not frightened of dying when she's asleep, she's just scared to go to sleep. She was able to go to sleep with no problems in our holiday home over Easter=- she says because lots more people were there. She thought she'd be better now she's back at school but she's not. She dreads the summer hols (she says) because those nights are the worst, but she likes going to sleep when we're on holiday. How odd is that? That she prefers a strange/unfamiliar home to her own home??

She has also said the last couple of days that her back has been really sore - shooting pains up her spine, like pins and needles, lasting for half an hour each time. What could this be?

Am happy to try sprays and so on. Thanks for the links smile

Oopla Mon 22-Apr-13 14:34:21

Please don't flame me for the woo suggestion I am about to make smile

Would you consider smudging your home perhaps? Something you can do together as part of a 'spring clean' tell DD that you are clearing the house of all her & your old worries that perhaps they got a bit stuck in places and that's by they keep coming back at night.

I don't think you have to be a lentil weaver to do this smile clearing old energies from your home space done with a firm verbal intent can be hugely reassuring.

superfluouscurves Thu 25-Apr-13 17:53:09

Another recommendation for Bedtime Meditations CD!

Smudging Thu 25-Apr-13 17:59:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ohmeohmyforgotlogin Thu 25-Apr-13 18:14:57

ohmeohmyforgotlogin Thu 25-Apr-13 18:15:48

Sorry auto correct messed that up....

GooseyLoosey Thu 25-Apr-13 18:25:26

Ds (5) has bouts of this and gets obsessed with the thought that burglars might kill us in our beds.

Several things help. He listens to audio books in bed. They are on very quietly so he can only just hear them and after a while he loses the thread and drifts off to sleep.

I give him things to distract his thoughts. So he has to think of 5 names starting with every letter of the alphabet or something to make a burglar trap with starting with each letter of the alphabet. (This helps with my anxiety too).

Finally, if he is really, really bad, I lie on his bed and hug him until he falls asleep. Usually takes about 30 mins.

He does know that we take it seriously and if he is really scared, we are there for him.

Good luck - it's hard watching your child be scared!

Have you tried kinesiology or Reiki?

I take my dd every couple of months and she feels far better for it. She would be very anxious, worry a lot about things beyond her (or my) control.

I take her seriously, as you do too, but also speak very bluntly to her too, let her know the (realistic) outcomes, talk her through scenarios and possible outcomes- pros and cons of some sleep V no sleep.

When dd sees our 'therapist' she sprays her and gives her 'magic water' to help her fears. (water with Bach remedies in it for her to sip)

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