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AIBU?? Am I so out of touch with my daughter??

(20 Posts)
Colourhairbarbie Sun 23-Dec-12 22:57:16

At friends house recently, friends and 11 yr old round table, talk turns to boys aimed at my 11 yr old and she says innocently (in my eyes) " yeah I have kissed two boys". (I'm thinking kiss on cheek) My friend who has 2 children under age of 5 (no experience of preteens) says " did u use tongues"??. I'm horrified!! There's no way my 11 yr old daughter thinks that way. I get friend says I am totally out of touch and i was a late one ( didn't have my first kiss until 14/15 & I'm young mum). I am annoyed at my friends presumption and my friend thinks I'm living in a dream land ?!

MamaGeekChic Sun 23-Dec-12 23:00:48

i don't think 11 would be an abnormal age for a first snog... I think I was 12/almost 13 and I was pretty much last out of my friends.

bringbacksideburns Sun 23-Dec-12 23:10:56

No you're not. I would feel the same way. Tongues?? What an inappropriate thing to say to a kid.
No doubt there are some out there doing that but what's wrong with waiting for the right time to discuss it - in a few years?

My dd is 10 - quite mature. And she thinks boys are pretty bleurgh. She likes Horses and dogs. I hope it stays like that for a while!

Colourhairbarbie Sun 23-Dec-12 23:13:34

Oh thank goodness I am not alone! I was really worried that I was living with my head in the clouds but I really think I know my daughter best and tongues was not part of the process with myself or her at that age blush

Colourhairbarbie Sun 23-Dec-12 23:15:57

Mama, I am not thinking u are wrong, I just wanted my friend to accept that not everyone is the same and I should know my dd best

jinglebellyalltheway Sun 23-Dec-12 23:20:11

there was kissing with tongues in yr 6 when I was at school, not a lot more but most people tried it, and I'd imagine kids try things younger these days so yup do think head is a little in the clouds about what kids that age do, but I would have a word with her about the appropriateness of the audience to the converasation

Notmyidea Thu 27-Dec-12 18:38:28

I'd think that was a very innappropriate remark to make to an eleven year-old! I'd be upset, too.

JeanBodel Thu 27-Dec-12 18:42:15

Your friend's comment was out of order.

It would not be unusual for an 11 year old to have kissed two boys - with tongues. I cannot imagine at that age a kiss being on the cheek - we're talking lips, surely.

MrsMcEnroe Thu 27-Dec-12 18:43:12

Bloody hell, kissing with tongues at 11/12/13??? Really???? I'm with you OP, I think this is far too young. I know I'm bloody old 40 but I think 14 is young enough for a first kiss with tongues... I mean they're still children FGS, and they can't legally have sex until they're 16....

(I may be slightly bitter that I didn't have my first snog until I was 16 but I still think that doing it before you're a teenager is waaaaaay too young, and yes your friend was inappropriate in what she said to your Dd).

Why don't you ask your daughter?

I'd have thought the question was inappropriate (or at least embarrassing for an 11yo) regardless of whether she has done it or not, actually.

omri Thu 27-Dec-12 19:18:13

Yanbu! Your daughter won't even be a teenager for another 2 yrs!!! Too young to be kissing with tongues and too young to be even asked that question by an adult (which might make your daughter feel it would be normal/expected to kiss with tongues at 11)... Omg I just want to protect all little girls from this hyper sexualised age we live in I find it all so so sad

jinglebellyalltheway Thu 27-Dec-12 19:26:52

it doesn't matter if we think 11/12/13 is too young and they shouldn't, the fact is at 11/12/13 a lot fo them are

obviously when I look at 11 year olds now they look like children to me and I don't imagine them doing those things, but when I was that age I didn't think I was still a child and was only doing what at least 50% of my peers were doing

not liking that that is often when it starts isn't an excuse to stick heads in sand!

Startail Thu 27-Dec-12 19:32:15

Totally inappropriate comment from an adult.

Wouldn't be suprised if DD2 (11) and her DFs' tease each other about such things, but she'd be embarrassed by a mum asking.

NotMostPeople Thu 27-Dec-12 19:34:49

I wouldn't say that to my 13 year old or 11 year old.

fuckadoodlepoopoo Thu 27-Dec-12 19:37:10

Im quite shocked! I didn't have my first kiss with tongues until i was 15! I was later than some but earlier than others. 11?!

So did your daughter mean on the cheek or did she not elaborate?

blankenburg Thu 27-Dec-12 20:08:03

I had my first kiss with tongues at 11. Im 32 so if kids were doing it at that age then im sure they are now too. Obviously not all just like not all were back then either.

Daisy17 Thu 27-Dec-12 20:13:34

First kiss with tongues around 11 here too, very experimental and pretty gross, not at all passionate - you see it in films, you try it out. Very normal. BUT very bad form to ask like your friend did, it makes it into an issue, embarrassing for your daughter if she did, worrying and disturbing if she didn't and it hadn't occured to her.

TheProvincialLady Thu 27-Dec-12 20:18:01

Your friend sounds like a dick. I can't stand the kind of people who embarrass young people and children with this kind of talk. Tell your friend to stop it right now. Apart from anything else, it is none of her business.

kslatts Thu 27-Dec-12 20:18:26

I was 11 or 12 when I had my first kiss, I don't think it's that unusual for 11 year olds to kiss, however not an appropriate comment from an adult.

DeafLeopard Thu 27-Dec-12 20:27:13

Very inappropriate of your friend - was she trying to act all down wiv da kidz or something? hmm

That said, kids do experiment - there was one girl who lost her virginity at 12 at our school (30 years ago) although with hindsight I think that there may have been some shitty reasons for why she was having sex so young.

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