Pre Teen Drama Queen (And Hypochondriac!) Long post, sorry!(5 Posts)
I've just been reading a great thread about pre-teens but the thread is over a year old so I thought I'd start another one.
DD (11) has huffed her way out the door, slamming it, again this morning. She trod on a small thorn last night (despite being told repeatedly not to go in the garden without something on her feet!) so, this morning, she's limping around as if her foot's fallen off. I did make and effort, honestly I did, but she just has to escalate everything to the heights of unreasonableness! DD (limping and grimacing) "Ouch Mum, it REALLY Kills, it's gone all red around it!" Me: Ok, I'll get you some antiseptic cream (non-stinging) and a plaster and we'll have a look" (See, I am trying!) DD (very quietly, under her breath) "I'm NOT having cream on it!" Me: "L, if it's all red it means it's infected and needs something to bring the inflammation down". At this point she goes to put the plaster on, I nip it off her so I can look at the wound. Well, you'd need a magnifying glass to see it and the redness was non-existent but, still, I know these things can hurt so, grit my teeth and give her the 'things in the garden can cause infections blah, blah, blah. DD "Don't care, I AM NOT PUTTING CREAM ON IT!" Stomp, stomp, stomp. Cue 'Saggy Shoulder's Moment' for me!
Yesterday it was an argument about not wearing a coat (it was chucking it down!), before that it was "I can't wear THOSE socks, they make me looks stupid" and we also have the total meltdown because her hair won't go right and it was 'disgusting' (tears and everything!). Just about every morning she has a bad tummy, her trouser make her look like a dork, a sprained wrist, won't eat breakfast because she only likes the blue bowls and none are clean, twisted ankle, feels sick, is too tired. I've done all the checking about school/bullies/too much work etc (close friends with her friend's Mums' - very useful and checked with school and she appears happy and well adjusted and doing well.) and all seems OK and I realise that a lot/some of it is attention seeking I have two other children (am a lone parent), not always easy for 'one to one' time) and some is hormones but it just ends up pushing us apart. I'm now finding it really difficult to be sympathetic at all as she puts it on so much.
Oh, oh, (I know this is too long already but I have to off-load this doozy!) last week, she burst in the door after school, almost crying and said "Mum, we MUST go to the hospital! Now! My best friend has had half her finger torn off in PE, she's been taken to hospital and her Mum doesn't know and she's all alone and scared!!!" Me: "Oh, that's awful, who is it?" DD came back with a name I'd never heard of! (and I do keep abreast of these things). I tried (oh, I tried!) to calm her down and explain that even if I did stop cooking dinner in the middle, found DS1 and DS2 and drove the 11 miles to the hospital - they wouldn't let us in as we're not family. DD "I'll lie and say I'm her sister!!" Sheesh! Subsequently found out the injury was hugely exaggerated. She even has to be dramatic about other peoples dramas!
We went on holiday in the summer and she reverted back to being a sweet 11 year old child (instead of a pseudo 15 year old!) as she had no peer pressure. We had such a great time and got close again. As soon as we got back, she slipped straight back into Moody Mode.
I do try and find time with her and it is often really nice. Maybe music or a TV soap snuggled up in bed but most of the time she drives me up the wall. He father's worse than useless. He never did understand 'women's things' and he constantly gives in to her - DD "Oh, don't worry about Dad, Mum, I can wind him round my little finger." !
Oh, and don't even get me started on the back-chat!
Sorry for the long rant. Just hoping to find someone in a similar situation. Feeling like a bad and failing Mum right now. I miss my lovely daughter!
your lovely daughter is still there she's just hiding behind alot of of angst,hormones and needing to grow up but being alittle girl inside. actually up until the point you mentioned the hospital incident i thought my daughter had been cloned and gone to live with another family! stick with it mum you'll get there it gets better i've had 5 kids go through it and another just arriving at hormone central, havivg a thick skin and a good sense of humour really does help, whe my kids kick off i make a joke and divert the situation being / or doing something random .
Thank you for that supportive message Fuzzy.
I used to be able to make her laugh by doing/saying something a bit loony but she digs her heels in these days, she's so stubborn, and can keep her poker face! In fact, the last time I tried she huffed "So immature!" followed by stomp, stomp, slam! The boys (a bit younger) are easy to distract, I just whisper 'bum' 'fart' or some other banned toilet-humour word, in their ear and they can't help but laugh and it breaks the tension. I think part of it is that there is no-one, at the end of a long day, to joke about it to or just moan/talk it through with - just little ol' me. I read somewhere that they take things out on people they trust not to abandon them for bad behaviour. Not sure if that's true or not. Thanks again.
eiepie, what a nickname!the thing that you read about kids taking it out on people they trust i believe to be so true. my 13 year old is just the same, but when she kicks off shouting, i say "hey i'm not shouting at you, why shout at me?" in a casual voice, "i can see you're not happy , is there anything i can do to help?" sometimes she calms down and talks others she will storm off, i let her go and she comes back when she's ready, but as with the other kids i don't bring up the shouty/iritable episode, unless she refers to it again. oh, and yes i'm abit of a loon too, started when my eldest dyed her hair with a pink stripe back in the summer and dared me to have one too but i went the whole hog, now have a bright pink bob like stephanie from lazy town and kept it going, when my d complains about her hair i laugh and say you've got problems, my roots are showing or i'm thinking of having bright blue maybe green colour, its daft at my age but if it makes people smile or laugh what the heck, we need more laughter in the world, not that i'm suggesting that you go an unusal colour!
I loved your post. I'm so sorry all this is making you miserable but you write about it so well that I couldn't help but laugh. My 9 year old is a terrible drama queen and is getting worse as she gets older. There seems to be a row about something every day. she takes hours to get dressed and says there's 'nothing to wear' even though she has clothes galore. Her room is a tip, her hair looks like wurzel gummidge's, she starts agro with her brother for no reason etc. etc. etc. I've had the 'no cream' argument with both my kids too - it's infuriating. But my girl is absolutely lovely when she stays up on her own with me in the evening - one of the problems seems to be tiredness though so I can't do it too often. I presume some of that is hormones too - she's always hungry but is rake thin too. Good luck!
PS Ooh pink hair is great. My girl loves dyeing hair.
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