Advice - Bullied 8 year old expressing suicidal thoughts

[BlindFishIdeas]

Hello Mumsnet people

I hope you can give me some advice. I work as a youth worker (working with 11-18 year olds) but have just been approached by a mum searching for advice, which is a bit out of my experience. I hope you can help.

Her DS is being bullied at school. He is a little different from most boys his age more interested in science than sport and I think that was the first thing which made other boys notice he is different and bully him. Now I think it is just ongoing.

His mum has told me that before summer he asked "what is the best way to kill myself" over summer things improved and he didn't say anything more. Now after returning to school he has expressed suicidal thoughts again.

The mum is VERY reluctant to talk to others. She has tried to speak with the school but the bulling is continuing. She doesn't know where to turn for further help as has been told that there aren't counselors for children (which I know isn't true).

If it was a teenager in my youth club I would know how to approach the secondary schools and push for the bullying to be dealt with. And I know some charities that directly work with teenagers but not children.

So please any advice,
How can I best encourage the Mum to seek further help?
Do you know any way to get a direct referral to CAMHS?
or must it be through a doctor?

Any other general advice about how to help in the situation?

Thank you in advance

[Fizzylemonade]

No advice I'm afraid but report your own thread & get it moved somewhere with more traffic like primary education or chat.

I have been on MN for years & only just discovered preteen board.

Truly awful situation for your friend.

[Witchety]

Camhs referral can come from gp or school. Maybe self referral. I don't know!

'young minds' is a very good organisation too. Even though geared at teens I think they could still help.

Not been much help but this 'bump' might attract some, good luck to all! X

[TheAngelshavetheOod]

GP can refer to CAMHS , suicidal thoughts should be treated as a priority.

[bubby64]

The mother really needs to talk to the school, and make them understand how worrying and serious this has become, if they dont know, they cant help, oh, and they can refer to CAMHS, they did it for one of my boys when we had a problem...

[BlindFishIdeas]

Thank you for advice. it seems that the mum is getting more willing to seek external help. its a difficult situation to be in as the family doesn't know me at all.

Hopefully things are heading in the right direction

[Selks]

CAMHS referral is usually via GP or school. Sounds like CAMHS assessment is a good idea, but if the bullying is ongoing at school then the Mum needs to get assertive with school to get them to deal with it properly and stamp it out. The child will continue to feel unhappy otherwise.

[difficultpickle]

GP referral to CAMHS.

Tackle school re bullying. If HT is refusing to acknowledge the issue she needs to contact governors and LEA. Also think about moving schools to one that takes bullying issues seriously.

Ds is 8 and not at all sporty. He knows lots of boys like him at school so the fact that he is interested in science rather than sports isn't a problem.

[Bigwideworld]

It might help if she put her request for the bullying to be dealt with in writing (she can even CC the head teacher and the board of governors). It is absolutely unacceptable for the school not to take what has become a life-threatening matter seriously. My son is quite geeky and was horribly bullied. One email to his teacher (copied to head of year and head teacher) and the bully was suspended then moved to a different class. My son is a changed boy and has had no problems since. Good luck!

[Bigwideworld]

Also childline was created for exactly this situation. Can she show him how to call them?

[wordsmithsforever]

That's terrible for your friend and her DS. He needs to be told the behaviour is not acceptable and more importantly it is not his fault (bullies can have a way of "teaching" the victim it is because they are too tall/short/keen on science/whatever. Good schools with strong leaders can manage to stamp out bullying - provided the will is there from the head teacher down.

Having said that, I always believe that childhood shouldn't be about surviving but thriving and some children just don't fit the school system (of course many do)! Would she consider home ed (which is what we do)? When I think of my DS's (8) circle of buddies, so many are into science and not so keen on football, etc, and they are all honestly thriving (well all the ones I know at least). Difference (of any old sort really) seems to very naturally accepted (at least in our home ed community). He must be so unhappy to talk about suicide poor little guy.

[lljkk]

What would childline do that GP or CAMHS wouldn't?

I moved DS school when we ended up in similar situation. My only regret is I didn't move him sooner.