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lonely 10 year old DD

(4 Posts)
nightingale452 Wed 10-Oct-12 23:26:30

I'm hoping for some advice because I'm so worried about my 10 year old DD1. To cut a long story short, she moved to her current school for the start of year 1 (we moved house) and initially found it hard to break into friendship groups, but eventually made 2 good friends.

At the end of year 3 one of the friends left, then at the end of year 5, the other friend left the school. Now she is in year 6 and completely friendless and lonely. She does many activities outside of school and gets on well with the other kids at those, but they are mostly older than her and all go to different schools.

I'm hoping things will improve next year when she goes to high school, but that still leaves a long time for her to endure in year 6. I've been told by teachers over the years that her class is very cliquey and some of the girls are being quite unkind and excluding DD1 in the playground. She's also the only girl in the top group of the class, and she told me yesterday some of them are making comments about that too.

On top of all of this, puberty has hit and she's a mass of hormones. She's a tall, solidly-built girl so I was expecting early development, but she's reduced to tears at the least provocation, and she seems to have good reason to be upset with the way things are at school.

What I don't know is whether to go and see her teacher about this. Would it do any good? After all, what can the teacher do about any of it, she can't manufacture a new friend for her - the problems are largely in the playground as well, which the teachers won't see. I don't know how to approach this, or if I should do anything, any ideas?

Toughasoldboots Wed 10-Oct-12 23:56:51

Poor dd, it's a tough year as well I think, particularly for girls, lots of fallings out on top of everything else.
You could ask the teacher if dd is managing socially or needs help, I don't see anything wrong with that. Just in case something else is going on.

Lots of confidence building out of school will help her cope too. My older two dcs found secondary school much easier as there is a bigger pool of friends and usually someone for everyone.

blimppy Thu 11-Oct-12 12:19:52

Hi. Not sure I can offer any real help but, having seen my DD1 struggle with friendships, I wanted to offer some virtual support. For whatever it's worth, I think that having activities and friends outside school is a lifeline in this sort of situation and I'd look to build on that as much as possible. It won't hurt to talk to her teachers though and see if they can help, perhaps by pairing her up with one of the nicer girls to do a regular "job" together. Kids at my DD2's primary school get to do regular lunchtimes in the library for instance sorting out books, or organising fruit for the younger kids.

FernieB Thu 11-Oct-12 13:41:01

Sorry to read about your DD. I've been there with my DD twins. It will be better at high school as a few primary schools merge together and friendships change then anyway. Until then, it's hard.

It's good that she is friends with people outside of school, but the school hours are difficult if you're alone. The others are only jealous that she is in the top group, but your DD probably won't find that to be comforting. What are the boys like? My DT's had problems with a bunch of girls at their old school and they ended up hanging out with the boys - nice group of lads - they'd go to each others houses as well.

Apart from that, I would echo what blimppy said - talk to the teacher and see what she has to say. She could pair your DD up with one of the nicer girls for project work etc. There are bound to be some 'nice' girls in the class who would like to be friendly with your DD but are intimated by the meaner girls.

I really hope it improves for your DD - I know how hard it is to watch your DD go off to school miserable.

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