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I don't know what to do.

(9 Posts)
TraderJo Sat 06-Oct-12 03:54:11

My son (who is 11, 5.8", fully in puberty, etc etc) got a day suspension from school this week. He only started at the school 3 weeks ago, but has historically had problems in his last school for the last couple of years. This week, he threw some pencils at another kid who took the piss about the fact that our dog had died. However, in the last 3 weeks, (ie the time since our dog died!) he had already got himself into trouble a couple of other times, so he was pretty much screwed.

I consider myself a pretty good mum, but I am struggling at the moment. In my heart, I would say "Jesus Christ, he's 11, going through puberty, has moved to an entirely new school district in the last month and his very beloved dog died in pretty horrible circumstances"

In my head, I think, "But are we just excusing him again?!"

What do you guys think?
PS Please don't go in too hard. Really.

Funnylittleturkishdelight Sat 06-Oct-12 04:01:07

I would be wary of the dog excuse- he'll know you'll be emotionally moved if he cites that as a reason. Why was he talking about it in class anyway? What does the teacher say happened?

It's an awful start to yr 7- can you mark the return to school as a new fresh start? Does he do sport? Can you get him to join rugby/football and make some wholesome friends and have an outlet for his new hormonal energy?

DoIDare Sat 06-Oct-12 04:31:13

Actually,he sounds to me like he is coping with tons. Hormones, school dog etc. my dd really struggled at that age. Id go for much sympathy, zero tolerance, lots of physical exercise and recognition that early days settling in are soon forgotten at secondary school.

DoIDare Sat 06-Oct-12 04:32:02

Pls schools see this all the time and won't be out of their comfort zone as you are

TraderJo Sat 06-Oct-12 04:41:27

Funny, it wasn't my Ds who was talking about the dog. It was the other kid laughing about how he died. But DS had made a couple of previous really dumb arse moves, so he got into trouble.

TraderJo Sat 06-Oct-12 04:43:15

Thanks DoID!!

Funnylittleturkishdelight Sat 06-Oct-12 07:54:10

But how did he know about the dog unless your son had been talking about it?

A day out of lessons three weeks into a new school is really serious (did your school start late? Or did you switch him?) and I imagine there is more to it than throwing pencils.

I think it's paramount to his future success that you are seen to support the school, show him you think his behaviour is inexcusable and support him in making changes.

DoIDare Mon 08-Oct-12 07:21:20

Hmm, IMO you support your ds in the first instance. Not condoning bad behaviour, but I'd speak to his for tutor/pastoral staff/ counsellor /student advocat etc. get in there. Show you are concerned and involved parent etc.

There are a few kids every year with a bad start. It does not mean disaster. I speak as parent and staff member with some experience.

lljkk Mon 08-Oct-12 08:09:59

He has the emotional maturity of an 11yo with the hormonal onslaught of a 13yo, no wonder he's struggling. Are you in USA, is he in 5th or 6th grade?

I like DoIDare's advice. Don't make excuses but once he's had his punishment then move on. He's a kid, by definition they do lots of stupid things without understanding the implications (risks).

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