Does Anyone any Advice on How to STOP a 12 Year old from Worrying about Everything?

[Mellower]

My son is making himself ill.

He just constantly worries about almost everything, such as sleeps-overs, then he worries the person not being at home and not turning up and I say "it's fine we can do it next weekend" then he goes onto but what if he is not in next weekend???

Last night it was because he lost an £40 x box disc.

Saturday it was over homework.

Last week it was Maths.

Now he has had to go the hopsital where will be seeing someone about his "emotional well-being" as he now has IBS.

So now he is worrying about going back to school tomorrow!

Also he is worrying about where he goes when he dies, I am running out of answers???

I try to have him relax and listen to music or play a game or take a bath with Radox (stress relief), if he has nothing to worry about he will find something.

I know we will get this sorted eventually but has anyone else had a child like this obviously I am now worrying about him worrying so much he is making himself unwell.

Thank you.

[BPee]

Hi my Number 1 DS (12)is just like this, from cleaning teeth, catching the bus to his books getting marked, cracks in his walls.
Some days I get really down not sure how to stop him worrying so much but we just keep telling it okay and I ask if he trust me, if so he needs to believe me when I tell him it okay.
Also found it help if he see himself getting better at things ( such as entering local craft show and coming first.) choice things not too hard which he has a good chance downing well. DS is good at swimming so did a open water swim this year which was great for his self esteem.
Hope this helps

[Mellower]

Oh thank you so much, I thought I was alone for a fair few hours there.

My son was scared of the water but we have passed that and can now swim and is more confident about that one and sometimes even asks to go swimming.

I think getting 17/20 for maths test has helped him a little bit (and the huge hugs) and "oh I am so pround of of you son you clever boy"- but now he is worrying as likes the people in the class he is in and does not want to be moved up a level.

His friend suggested getting him an ipod with some Eminem on it

[cory]

I would try to teach him some CBT techniques. Sit him down and say you notice that he worries a lot, point out that worrying doesn't ever help you to deal with things, in fact it often gets you to a stage where you can't deal with things as well as you would otherwise have done. Tell him that he doesn't have to live like this, that he can control his mind and that there are ways of doing this.

Suggest that he visualises his mind as walking along a road, and then getting to a crossroad, where one of the forks leads off to Worrying. Tell him that every time he feels he is getting to that place he can say loudly in his mind: NO, I don't have to go down that path.

Teach him about distraction techniques: having something nice to think about every time he feels himself getting stressed and just quickly putting that on top of his worrying thoughts (my dd runs through the plot of Downton Abbey, I plan new and beautiful fishtanks)

Look up some breathing techniques for bedtime. He may want a soothing ball to handle when he gets stressed (dd uses bluetack), something to do with his hands (knitting can be really helpful or even colouring in or sudoku)

Explain to him that nobody can prevent upsetting things happening now and then, but that you can get control over how much they hurt you in advance.

[Mellower]

Oh thank you so much, I have another laptop here with keys pulled off as he gets so stressed, so I somehow have to get it my brother (IT Programmer but can also fix keys) without my Dad finding as this is the 2nd laptop we are on.

He was up until 2am this morning poor boy, why? well because he worries about me as apparently "I am not getting enough sleep", I stupidly stayed up until 12.00pm (down here) as I usually just go up at 9pm then sneak back down stairs but last night I stupidly stayed up thought he would just go to sleep but sure enough, he was still awake waiting on me to go to bed...

Then he fell straight into a sleep and woke 2 minutes later and ran through to my room as he was "seeing scary faces" then he wanted a light on in his room but youngest didn't (also woke up youngest DC) so I said I would keep my bedroom light on and open th my door and his door so they had a little bit of light, then he started peeing and several trips back and forth to loo later he finally fell into a sleep at 2.00am, thank you so much I will work on him tonight, I have just been taught the breathing thing myself, so now I will teach DS. Strangely enough he likes to erm how describe this, flick things such as arms of of bionicles (sp) but he flicks and flicks and for hours, and even lie and gets into some strange positions as he flicks so much, so yes a stress ball may be better. (thankfully we are moving house this wek or next week so he will have his own bedroom)

Thank you so much, words cannot express how grateful I am.

[bubby64]

One of my DS's is a worrier, and i taught him some relaxation techniques, he uses breathing techniques and visulisation to help when he starts to stress, and this helps, also, like the other poster, I praise, praise, praise when he has done well. As for the night fears, He will not sleep without light, so he has a small string of christmas light s in his room near his bed, but if he goes away, he uses a glow stick instead, I buy the tubes of 25 from the local £shop, its not bright, but its enough to give him reassurance.