If your pre teen said they were invited for a sleepover would you check with the other parents?(67 Posts)
dd has three friends sleeping over tonight. They're new friends. Two of them I have never met the parents and they've not met me. I vaguely know the other girls mum, don't know her name but I'd recognise her. Unless their dds have given their mums my phone number then they don't have it.
Dd asked them last week if they wanted to come for a sleepover, I said it was fine. I'm just surprised their parents haven't contacted me to make sure it was ok.
Not so much of an issue now but in a few years this could be a good trick to say they're going to X's house when they're really somewhere else. Would I look like an old fart if I always ring parents to double check that dd is going to be at their house if she goes for a sleepover?
They're all 11 btw.
I haven't checked sleepovers for my 12 and 11yo dds, sometimes we know the parents, if not I'd try and check things out when dropping them off. But I haven't yet caught either dd lying to me about that sort of thing so until they do I'll trust them.
It's the other parents and the supervision arrangements I'd want to check up on, one or two sleepovers have been a bit bizarre. But those were things it woudl have been hard to guess beforehand. (like a parent letting a load of 10-11 year old girls (yr6) out into the local park to look for boys at 10pm . My 10yo was most unhappy about this but I wouldn't have guessed that parent would have permitted that.
read my post for my horrific experience on saturday!
Talking of films one of the girls who stayed on Friday night said how she saw Saw recently. I'm sure its an 18, sounds gruesome anyway and she's only 11!
I would never let my DC go anywhere where I haven't checked that the parents were walright with it and we had exchanged phone numbers in case of need to contact - especially pre teens - I think it's irresponsible to let your 11 yo DC be anywhere youdon't know they can be contacted. I suppose if they have mobile phones it's different - how did the children get to your house OP? Did you pick them u or were they dropped off or did they just come round?
When you send your children on a sleepover, how do you know who else will be in the house? Or if you haven't even spoken to them, whether they are the kind of people you'd trust with your children?
mine are younger, I ask from curiosity not censoriousness.
also if you don't have parental details of children staying with you, what would you do if the child was taken seriously ill or had a bed accident and was unable to tell you? How would you know if they needed medication they might forget or had diabetes/athsma or something?
I'd call ahead too, at 11. To be honest, more to check that it's actually ok with the other mum. DD1 (now 15!) arranged a sleepover in Year 7 with a friend, asked my permission, I said yes, but thought as it was secondary, there was no need to double check everything as carefully, and was dropping her off anyway
...and then she turned up and the poor mum of the friend knew nothing about it! Turned out DD1's friend had just decided to go ahead and arrange it herself! Luckily, I'd gone to drop DD1 off so could just take her home again, but it was very, very awkward!
Sorry posted too soon. There's no way I'd let her go to someone's house if I hadn't met them!
Dd was invited to a sleepover at a girl I'd never met so I dropped her off, went in and had a chat with the girl's mum and exchanged mobile numbers.
I would always drop off my DC and run in to speak to a mum or a dad if I didn't already know them. Even if I do know them, I like to wave to them from the car just to know that they're in! Sleepovers didn't start amongst my DC and their friends until high school though, I probably wouldn't have allowed them at primary.
I really like having my children's friends over though.
At primary, I knew all the parents of any children where my DC might be invited to sleepovers.
DD is now in Y8 and although I have met her friends (though some very fleetingly!), I don't know many of the parents. As the girls seem really nice, I presume that she is safe to sleepover at their houses and trust her judgement. She also takes her mobile so we can contact her.
I do think that as parent your attitude has to change bloody quickly when the become teenagers.
I let my kids do things that I would have said "never" to when they were 8/9/10.
dd had a 16th birthday party here, boys and girls. I took all the boys home at midnight, but we had 9 girls staying over sleeping on the floor. Only one parent rang me - but then, they've all been here before and I've met all their parents at drop-offs or school pta meetings over the last three years.
I'm more relaxed about films too - at 13 they could watch 15s but not 18s. Now at 15/16 it's up to them [bad mother emoticon]
ds2 watched War of the Worlds at a friend's sleepover when he was 7 - and played Call of Duty. That was an eye-opener for me.
Oh don't start me on films. I am very strict on which ones my DC are allowed to watch. They are rated for a reason. My DC2 has had ongoing sleep problems and he gets incredibly scared of things he sees in films/TV programmes. Luckily all of his friend's mums - when he goes to their house to play/tea - know this now and usually phone to check with me first. I have had to decline invites for him to go with friends to see films at the cinema too - as it would effect his sleeping too much.
TBH I don't think DD misses out much. I'll try and ask her later and see what she says.
I remember being 15 and sneaking in the house the film Nightmare on Elm Street We freaked out and stopped watching it.
I realise times are different now, that is why you have to communicate with the other parents so you are all coming from the same place.
gnocchi I disagree, any child that stays at mine, I want their parents number and I will speak to them beforehand, even if just to say bring a sleeping abg or they need to be collected by 9. I will always find a reason to speak to them before they stay over.
If I was hosting a sleepover I wouldnt expect the other parents to be in touch. If I were sending my dd to a sleepover I would call and speak to the hosts.
I would phone and check and while doing so would make an offer for my child to bring something like dessert or at least some snacks (but then he eats like a horse so I'd want to make sure he wasn't being a tiger who came to tea!)
It isn't always about what they are missing, but what could they be gaining. I know this doesn't happen to everyone but, I was so used to sleeping over at friends that when mum died staying at friends overnight was like being at home, but away from home iyswim.
They miss having fun with their friends. And crucially, they miss an event that their friends are at and will be talking about. And they don't care about the tired and grumpy thing!
They are missing out on so much fun. It is fun at sleepovers
even if not for the parents and it gives parents a chance to get to know their DCs friends. They giggle, they chat, in a different way to that at school or a saturday afternoon in your house.
But what are they missing? Being tired and grumpy for the rest of the next day? Plus they see their friends in and out of school all the time anyway.
I'm 35 and remember having sleepovers as a pre teen and then in my teen years. We used to camp down in the lounge, often 8/9 of us and they were great. My mum would come in and chat to us and up until she died when I was 16 my friends used her as a confidant (sp) in the small hours and asked her for a bear hug before they went to sleep. My mum knew my friends, really knew them. It is one of my best memories, and I hope to do similar with my DC.
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