12yr old dd left out

[early80sgirl]

My dd has a big circle of friends about 8/10 girls , she has 1 best friend in group have been close since 4yrs old , I'm friendly with the girls mum too , dd really upset today as this best friend has invited another girl from the group to her house today and not invited dd , really out of character , no fall out or anything , I spoke to best friends mum earlier on phone and she didn't mention this girl coming around just said they hadn't done much over the week .. So I feel a bit confused ? Should I say anything or just ignore it ?

[Groovee]

I really can't see the problem. Your dd can't be invited every time to her best friends house. I only allow one friend per child as I don't want my house over run.

Think it's something you both have to get used to.

[savoycabbage]

To your dd yes. Tell her that people make lots of friends and it's a good thing. Perhaps there is someone else from the group she might like to have over.

To the other mother-don't say anything. She might already feel a bit guilty so she didn't tell you but she shouldn't really. Her dd is allowed to be friends with whoever she wants. My focus would be on my dd.

[early80sgirl]

Thank you for your replies good advice greatly appreciated x

[cory]

Surely if they are 12, it won't be the mother who is dictating who gets invited to the house? 12yos are getting independent and usually run their own social lives ime.

No way would I try to dictate to my 12yo who he has round at any one time- any more than I'd expect him to tell me that I can't have my friend S round for a coffee without inviting D. Would you accept that kind of restriction on your own social life; can't have a chat with one person without inviting somebody else because she's been a friend of yours for three years?

You need to explain to your dd that these things change as you get older: you can no longer expect to have a claim on your bf or to have your mum intervene and organise that you have someone to play with. Teenagers (and they are preparing for their teens now) typically have larger and more fluid groups of friends- until they start moving off in couples.

[early80sgirl]

Thanks cory , very true , I think because dd is my only child I do have her wrapped in cotton wool , of course it's inevitable things will not be as simple as when they were 4 yrs old ! I think I need to stop being so sensitive !!!!