What time should DS aged 12 come home from the park?

[mum47]

My DS is 12, he wil be 13 in November. He goes to the skatepark which is literally 3 minutes up the road from our house. Now the nights are lighter we are facing the dilemna of what time we allow him to stay out to. He asked the other day if in the school holidays he could stay out until say 10.00 as some of his friends do. I body swerved answering him (mutter mumble will speak to your dad etc etc) but feel that is far too late. AIBU? What time should I let him out until? He is a really good boy and I don't want to be unreasonable but I don't want him out any later than I can get away with!

[BellaVita]

Hmm tricky one.

DS2 is also 13 in November. At the moment on a school night with the nights getting lighter, assuming he has done his homework, he has to be in at 8.00pm. I guess in the hols we will say 9.15pm.

I have never really had this problem with DS1 who will be 15 in June as he is such a home bird. He usually goes round to a friends house rather than the park. Last year in the hols, he had to be in at 10.00pm.

[LineRunner]

With DD I said 9pm, show me that you can leave at 8.55 and get home for 9pm. Take it or leave it.

When she showed me she could do that, I changed it to 9.30pm.

I may be an old gimmer, but 10pm seems late. Maybe in the summer hols, if all goes well at easter?

[mum47]

Thanks guys, your thoughts are pretty much in line with what I was thinking, which is reassuring. I feel that 9.00 during term is reasonable (though not sure DS will agree) and perhaps we could look at 9.30 in the holidays. I just feel that by the time he gets home, faffs about, has supper, gets to his bed and actually gets to sleep it will be really quite late and he will be permanently exhausted. At this rate it won't be long before I am in bed well before he is!

[Jbck]

DD1 is 10.5 and is allowed out till 10 during the holidays (did last year) if she is right outside the house. Any further away she has to come back for about 8.30/9. She's still allowed out then if she manages it. If she's late then she gets hauled in straight away till she's managed a couple of mights when sahe turns up on time. She has a phone now so it's a bit easier.
I think at almost 13 as long as he was with a few friends and didn't have to be up early next morning it's reasonable.

[RosemaryandThyme]

It's dusk here and it's just after 8 o'clock, half an hour and it will be dark.

You wouldn't want a 10 /11 /12/13 year old out in the dark surely ?

[ohdearwhatdoidonow]

My 13 yr old has to be home 9pm school night or not.

[ragged]

That close to home I would stretch to 10pm in holidays if not dark yet. Else, before it's dark or just after dark in deep winter.

Ideally couldn't he pop home for 20 minutes to eat tea around 7pm, and then go back up?

[daisydoodoo]

That seems late to me. Ds1 will be 15 in July and he has to be home by 8.30 on a school night most of his friends have to be in around. 6pm so he normally comes home around then.
6 seems early to me but then I don't want ds wandering the streets or sitting in the park by himself.

[noarguments]

Am obviously a tyrant dragon-like Mum who wants to spoil my DS's fun.

But even though the park is immediately behind my house, and I can see him and his mates out there, I'd still want DS12 home by 7 - in fact on weeknights its usually by 6 because we have homework and tea. Even in the holidays 7 is quite late enough - time for winding down and family time (sounds all very happy and cosy and perfect - it often isn't!). They're in bed by 9 most nights anyway!
And not out in the dark.

[usualsuspect]

I think 9 -9.30 is ok for a 13 year old.

[Ingles2]

Blimey, my ds (12) is in bed at 9!!!

[NanaNina]

I am amazed at some of the posts on this thread. My kids are long grown up and 40 years ago, kids went out and about on their own, and 80% of children walked to school. Going back even further (60 years) when I was a kid we were out playing all day and went home when we were hungry.

How times have changed. My 12 yr old gr/dghtr isn't allowed out at night at all and she doesn't want to go, but maybe that will change. I am just amazed at how long people let their children stay out till - when she is here I won't even let her take the dog on the park on her own...........!

[loopyluna]

Really, 10pm? My 12.5 year old has to be home by 6pm on a weekend. He doesn't play out during the week as he gets home from school at 6 and has a stack of homework.
Having read this thread, maybe I'll say 7pm in the summer hols. I don't think any of his mates stay out later than 6ish at the mo though. He's never complained about the curfew.

[Ragwort]

I must be very strict then as I would expect my 11 year old DS to be home by 8pm and bedtime is no later than 9.30pm at weekends. I just don't like the idea of him hanging around aimlessly in the evenings. He goes to a number of organised activities (Scouts/youth club/sports events) which are later than 8pm but they involve adult supervision - usually DH or I .

[AnyFucker]

my 12 yo ds has to be home from a park about 5 minutes away before it is dark (currently about 8:30 here)

later in the summer, it will be 9pm at the latest...I think 10pm is too late

[AnyFucker]

and that wouldn't be every single night either