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"Fine then, I'll GO!" Fed up of my 10 year old 'running away' - ideas please?

(6 Posts)
RubberDuck Fri 21-Oct-11 08:38:54

So, right at this moment, my 10 year old ds1 is hiding round the back of the garage, pretending to have "run away". I'm not too worried, he's taken his school bag, coat and at least put on shoes this time before storming out, so he'll probably make his own way to school as soon as he sees his friend walk past. This is because I asked him to pick stuff off the floor before going to school. I'm trying not to reward his behaviour by chasing after him and demanding he come inside. I'm guessing that the coldness of the weather will be a suitable consequence for it anyway.

The problem is, this is becoming an all too regular occurrence as a tantrum response. When he was younger, he would storm up to his room, slam the door and stomp around loudly. 'Running away' seems to be the upgrade to this. He's generally a good kid but has a short fuse, and I really don't want to get into the spiral of tiptoeing around him to avoid him reacting like this, because that clearly isn't healthy either.

So, I'm sat here, feeling very tearful and hoping that his mate will snap him out of it so that we don't end up having to have a major confrontation to get him to school. Would welcome any advice how to deal better with this in future - it's not going to be too long before he can figure out that being somewhere much further out of sight or vanishing to a friend's house will be a much better 'punishment' for me if he doesn't want to do something and I really don't want it to get to that stage sad

RubberDuck Fri 21-Oct-11 09:32:59

Bump for the post-school run crowd.

TheLittlestNarwhal Fri 21-Oct-11 10:07:22

HI RubberDuck. Nothing very useful to add but I didn't want to leave you unanswered.

Have you tried talking to him after things have calmed down and explaining that the running away is not on? DS1 used to go up to his room and punch his pillow if he was really cross at that age. Perhaps you could come up with an alternative way for him to deal with his frustration - and maybe explain that leaving the house is not acceptable and will lead to consequences ( loss of ipod / screen time / half term treat / whatever works ).

Hope that helps, good luck smile

RubberDuck Fri 21-Oct-11 10:54:03

Thank you for replying, TheLittlestNarwhal, was a little worried about the tumbleweeds there grin

No, I haven't and I guess I need to. We've had words about the way he talks to me when he goes into one of these moods before, but it hasn't seemed to make much impact. When I remind him of the consequences, he'll just snap back "I don't care"

I think I was working on the basis that if I ignore it when he storms out, then the reward for doing it will be low and he'll stop. Clearly that isn't working though and I am concerned that it's going to escalate, he'll push the boundaries even more and then end up doing something really unsafe as a result.

It sounds terrible written down. I really should emphasise that he is a lovely kid and we have a reasonable relationship normally. There's no other external stresses that I know about. It just feels so Jekyll and Hyde at the moment - which I suppose is a clear indicator that hormones are at play. sad

I guess I just need to up my game and work out a better way of de-escalating things before he hits teenage years and all hell breaks loose.

TheLittlestNarwhal Fri 21-Oct-11 14:31:01

It's a tough age, isn't it? My DS2 is 9, he will be 10 in December, and he gives us far more trouble and headaches than DS1 who is a dreaded teenager! grin

RubberDuck Fri 21-Oct-11 23:38:47

Do you mean it actually gets easier when they hit teens? That's given me hope, thanks grin

We had cuddles and sorrys and I love yous at teatime, then complete meltdown by bedtime again :/ Everytime I think I've got a handle on it, the ground shifts. Definitely been feeling a very inadequate parent today.

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