DS is lonely, but doesnt realise

[WitchesBrewIsMyFriend]

AFter speaking to DS about his anxiety about starting secondary and his self harming episode, we went to Dr who referred to CAHMS. I have another thread in preteens if you need more details and outcome of that.

Anyway, we took away his phone, his laptop, banned Xbox and ipod. Not solely as a punishment but to get him back to interacting with us as a family, spending more time together and generally to try to get him interested in RL things.

DH went away on business this morning, told me where DS laptop was if he needed to use it for school work and told me where DS phone was. All day today DS was being a bit cagey, and I decided to check his phone, which had text messages to someone - despite him being told specifically NOT to touch his phone. The sim is now snapped in two, in the bin, so he cant text anyone. I have spoken to DS this evening and my point is this; I am pretty sure DS is lonely. Most people at his new school come via bus and dont live locally.

The new friends he has are nice, but dont live near. I have tried to encourage him to join activities locally, but he isnt sporty, he likes reading, playing xbox and generally to get out and about. It transpires that he wants to go out and about but doesnt have anyone to do it with. It makes me feel so sad.


We have arranged for him to start Scouts as lots of local lads go and i think it would do his self confidence good amongst other things.

I just dont know what else to do. I have talked to him, cuddled him, told him that telling lies isnt on, asked him to tell me what I can do to help and reminded him he has a CAHMS appt on Tues after school.

sorry this is long, I just need to get it out and hopefully someone will have some helpful advice for me and us as a family.

[omgomgomg]

I read your other thread about the initial discovery of your ds's self-harm.

I was just wondering about the friends who you admit are nice but don't live nearby, is it so bad for him to want to keep in touch with them by text ? If he doesn't keep in touch will he be left feeling a bit out of the loop when they are in school together ?

[WitchesBrewIsMyFriend]

sorry, typed v fast and garbled a lot.

No, the new friends he has made are lovely, they all walk to school together and home together. The boys get picked up/dropped off outside our house each day and I chat to the mums. And I dont mind them coming round or DS going out with them.

DS has been texting a girl who lives far away - the issue is that he told a load of lies to her, just stupid things, but hardly very nice of him. He made out his home life was shit, and all sorts of things that just arent true. We spoke to him about this and he decided that it wasnt the way to behave and so 'broke it off' with her. But today he thought he would text her and it was rubbish stuff again, so how can I trust him if he does this?

He does call his friends on the house phone, no problem with that either.

[WitchesBrewIsMyFriend]

bumping for the daytime people.

[sevenoften]

The poor love! I would be thinking about the 11-year-old version of playdates, really. Find some really cool stuff to do - movies and pizza? ice-skating? Go-Ape kind of things? Anything really which is a doing-activity. That's much less intimidating than someone just coming over without a specific activity. Then invite some friends over. I think 3 is a bad number, so either one at a time, or in a group of 4-5.

[bubbles4]

can you give a link to your other thread,have looked but cant find it.

[WitchesBrewIsMyFriend]

yes I think 'playdates' are in order, it is his birthday soon so maybe go karting or similar for a group of them.

bubbles here