Mums of preteen dds: Describe to me, please, what is going on with their emotional, intellectual and physical development

[Earlybird]

After a terrible weekend where dd and I clashed repeatedly, I feel completely exhausted. Am in dire need of reassurance that, while difficult, dd is going through a 'normal' phase (and that I haven't been a completely cr*p parent)!

With that in mind - what is going on with your dds? How are you finding them atm, and how are you coping?

Please share, so I know i'm not the only one struggling!

[tabulahrasa]

11 yr old DD - the past year? (maybe longer) she's slowly become so stroppy, argumentative, nothing's fair, everyone else is allowed to do everything and massive mood swings. She gets upset over absolutely everything, she had full blown sobbing tears one day before school one day because she couldn't get her hair to sit right - her hair hates her apparently lol.

Then suddenly you get a day where she's her old cheery amiable self - but that just reminds you what you're missing on the other days, rofl.

[ragged]

11yo DS is pretty nice, actually. Hormones in pause, methinks :).
9yo DD is like a yoyo emotionally. Ultra nice to ultra strop in 2 seconds flat. I just view it as the challenge of swimming in rough seas.

[tabulahrasa]

Oh and physically, she's got a hint of hips and a waist recently, the beginning of breasts, but that's been very recent and not massively noticeable as yet.

[Earlybird]

I find that the slightest thing can send her off. I've not found an effective way to defuse, so found that this weekend, we had massive escalations of upset that began in small incidents (for example: my struggle/failure to inflate her bicycle tyres somehow spun into a long session of crying/sobbing about not having a dad around.....because of course, a dad would have managed it straight away....)

[tabulahrasa]

Oh mine has actually suggested that me and her dad should split up so that she's not bored when her friends are away staying at their dad's, lol.

She also spends lots of time complaining about the amount if things my 15 yr old DS is allowed to do that she isn't, that's my 15 yr old with AS who has no freedom whatsoever compared to other 15 yr olds.

Rational when she's in a mood she really isn't, lol

[Earlybird]

To describe my own dd:

Small breast buds. Likes the idea of a bra (and has a few), but doesn't want to wear them now that initial novelty has worn off.
Noticeably darker/coarser hair on legs this summer compared to last
Very tall for her age (10.7) - big growth spurt
Starting to become a bit body conscious, and is beginning to notice how different friends have different sorts of bodies developing at different rates

Opinionated and stubborn, strong-willed and can pester the other person to the point of exhaustion/submission if allowed
Very clever, voracious reader, conscientious in her school work
Demanding and can be completely self-absorbed
Kind, thoughtful (if she's so inclined), compassionate
Imaginative - still plays with dolls, soft toys and will creative elaborate games.
Still believes in Father Christmas, though subconsciously is beginning to doubt
Either quite happy or quite miserable - not much middle ground
Will argue/give an opposing opinion about almost everything
Curious - wants to know about things

[furtree]

Two DD aged 11 and 7 and it is the younger one that is argumentative and moody

[ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs]

Early bird, do we share a daughter? Mine is the same but no hairy legs and doesn't play with dolls or believe in FC.
Yesterday she was bloody horrible. We didn't go out because the weather was so poor. I asked her to put the clothes away that I ironed. She grumbled and took them up to her bedroom. When I went up a couple of hours later, she had put them on her bed and our kittens (which she conned me into getting) had clearly had a fight on them and I needn't have bothered with the iron.
We had words about that and she told me she hated me and wants her Dad.
She and I are currently living apart from her Dad, he is abroad until his contract is finished (next June). It isn't ideal, but it is what it is.
I think she is so bored with herself it makes her nasty sometimes. She has already had 13 weeks off school. Roll on next Monday.
She can be the most delightful, thoughtful, kind, sensitive, caring little girl. I am just seeing less and less of that side of her ATM.
She is unfailingly polite though.

[foxinsocks]

Mine is just 11 and needs a bra (has proper boobs) and has started removing hair from her legs and her face (mono brow!). She wanted to and it's made her feel much happier. She is v dark and has lots of hair. She's v v tall for her age, one of the tallest in her class despite being the youngest but I grew like that too and was the height I am now at 13 so I suspect she will be fully grown in a year.

I started my periods at 11. She has had quite a lot of discharge but no proper periods yet but I am sure they are coming.

She is getting embarrassed by us now :). Really properly growing up. I just can't believe how quickly it is all happening!

[bigTillyMint]

All this sounds horribly familiar!

DD is now 12 - sometimes she is a Pleasure to be with, an intelligent, funny young person, and sometimes she is a terrible selfish unreasonable tantruming toddler...

It's hard to accept that they are growing up and away from us and the process is very tough for both sides.

[aquos]

My 10 yo dd is also starting to change physically. Breast buds, needs to shower more frequently, a massive growth spurt this summer etc.

Emotionally she has always been difficult. Currently She's at that stage where she doesn't know if she wants to be a grown up or a child. One minute she is complaining about lack of freedom and pushing the boundaries of where she is allowed to go and what she is allowed to do. The next minute she's behaving like a 6 year old, crawling around the floor and sitting on our knees for cuddles.

She has always loved helping around the house, but over the last few months has become increasingly lazy. She used to keep her bedroom lovely, now it's a pig sty.

Her relationship with me has always been complicated, but I have progressed to being the worst and most hated mum ever and even her dad who she always worshipped has been told that he thinks he's a good parent, but he's not! But as I say half an hour later she'll tell us how much she loves us, seek reassurance that we love her and want to plonk her lanky body in our laps for a cuddle.

[Earlybird]

Oh, it is making me feel so much better to know that others are experiencing what is going on in our house! Misery loves company....

Dd has already started back to school. Yesterday morning on the way to school, after a few grumpy comments from her, I turned on the radio to distract us both and to change the atmosphere in the car. Thankfully, it worked.

[FranSanDisco]

Dd is 11 yo next month. She finds her dad and me increasingly embarrassing and tells us often. We have just had a weekend away and she was fine with me messing around with her in the pool until a nice looking lad floated by and I was told 'mummmm, you are seriously embarrassing'. I laughed so hard I nearly drowned and she left me to it! She is already 5 ft tall and I think a growth spurt is imminent as she has a ravenous appetite at the moment.

[weegiemum]

11yo dd.

Just into a bra, developing physically and mentally, getting really tall! Has size 6 feet (but then I am a 10).

This weekend she had a meltdown with dh who "dared" to go into her room and put her futon away after a sleepover (she has tried but cant yet do it herself). Loads of screaming about "invading my privacy" when he changed her bedclothes!

She's closer to a teeneger than a preteen now I think, I'm just glad that the school system here (Scotland) means that at 11.6 she has just gone into p7 (y6) so we can have her in primaryfor one more year!

[CeliaFate]

Sounds as though our dds have been cloned and sent to take over the world!
Mine is all the above!
weegiemum dd is a size 7.5!

[abcdangel]

DD1 (12.4) is still quite immature. When I see some of the other girls at her school they seem so grown up and "aware" of themselves. My daughter is happy in her converses and jeans and loves nothing more than playing out on her bike and watching programmes about animals! We just got her a bra, but think we could have got away with crop tops for a bit longer as she is only 28A.

She doesn't seem remotely bothered by the fact that other groups of girls are constantly texting, on facebook or meeting up for a shopping trip, I think she thinks they are a bit silly!

I am waiting for the hormones to kick in and for the secrecy and not talking to me to start, but for the time being I am thankful that she's not having to deal with that and can stay a child for a little bit longer than some of her class mates.

weegiemum, ditto what you've said about the Scottish system, DD has just gone into S1, she would never have coped with High School if she's had to go after P6.

[ExitPursuedByATroll]

11 year old DD just started Y7. She is 5'3" and has size 8.5 feet .

Swings from one mood to another. Since starting school last week she seems to be constantly on the verge of mild hysteria.

I am practising staying calm.

[CeliaFate]

Exit where do you get her shoes from? There was one pair of shoes in the entire Clarks store that fitted dd for school. I'm always on the lookout for wide shoes that would suit an 11 year old.

[ExitPursuedByATroll]

DD is not wide, just long and quite flat. I managed to get her a pair of size 8 clarks towards the end of the summer term, but we also buy nasty cheap shite shoes from Tesco's for £10 which last her about 4 weeks. The Clarks pair make her feet look enormous. She wore them for the first day at Senior School and then changed to the cheapies which seem more acceptable. I just know that she gets the mickey taken out of her and it does bother her - but I keep pointing out successful, glamorous women who have large feet to try and make her feel better. She is destined to be 5' 10" so hopefully she will be in proportion (if they stop growing soon - please!).

[ByTheSea]

DD1-12 is turning into a young woman. First period came a bit more than a month ago, second hasn't come yet. Breasts are not just buds anymore but a full A cup and she is developing a lovely figure. She is getting pretty rather than the cute she always has been. She needs to wash her face much more and her hair gets oily quite quickly. She still reads voraciously (and watches tv voraciously too) and does very well at school. She is much more moody than she used to be and nitpicky at DD2-9 and can be quite shrill with her at times. But still, for the most part, delightful and lovely and cuddly.

[EttiKetti]

9yo dd here.....up and down like a yoyo, one on one is lovely, put with 6yo DS and can be hell! Only puberty sign is a few hairs in one armpit! Like an ironing board other than that, average height, very slim athletic build.

[chickensaresafehere]

My 11 year old dd,has just started her periods,though was quite developed from age 10,have just bought her her first bra,28AA & she swings from gorgeous girl to nightmare at the turn of a switch!!The slightest little thing can set her off,she is soooo Jekyll & Hyde!!
The start of high school last week brought on a whole new set of moans,which we are slowly working our way through!
I love ExitPursuedByATroll'sdescription,as it captures the mood in our house so very well 'she seems to be constantly on the verge of mild hysteria'
They grow up so very quick,don't they??

[GrimmaTheNome]

Mine is 12 -we got her first AA bras this summer. She flares up with me pretty regularly but AFAIK not with other people ... she might grump a bit with DH but nothing like so much as with me. A mother's place is in the wrong really applies with this age group!

But most of the time she's OK - works hard at school, sometimes shows some common sense even.