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12 year old daughter-what advice do I give?

(5 Posts)
lonelyplanetmum Sat 02-Jul-11 22:15:58

I genuinely don't know what advice to give my DD about one particular friendship.My DD is fine and happy at secondary school.However she is being hurt by her favourite friend from primary school, who I'll call 'A'. My DD and 'A' are now at different secondary schools but still live around the corner from each other.Whenever my DD goes to see 'A' another girl 'B' calls around too.My DD sees 'A' as her best friend and would like to hang out with 'A' on her own sometimes.I know it seems pathetic of me but this problem has been going on for over a year and DD is hurt and I don't know what to advise.I have frequently suggested that DD talks to 'A' about it but she says she can't .......Any advice from you experienced parents out there?!

exoticfruits Sun 03-Jul-11 06:57:37

She has to accept that the friend has moved on. Different schools make a big difference. Encourage with other friendships -do things out of school. If she wants to continue the friendship with the old friend make sure that she sees that she will haveto get to know girl B.
Talking about it with child A isn't a good idea-people don't like to be constricted as in 'you are my friend-send friend B away'.

RatherBeOnThePiste Sun 03-Jul-11 07:04:13

I'm afraid exotic is right.

Secondary school is such a place for change as suddenly the little world of primary is opened up to new friends and new opportunities. Friend A has widened her friendship group and has moved on. You need to encourage your DD to do the same which is nit a bad thing. But the longer she keeps looking at what she's lost (you too) the more saddened she will be.

Secondary is great as there are loads of new people, plenty of chance to find like minded souls.

Good luck though. None of us like to see our DC sad.

CeliaFate Sun 03-Jul-11 12:49:58

Invite A round to your house, so B won't be there. I agree with the others, though. Friendships tail off once dc start secondary schools, particularly different ones.
Encourage her to invite her new friends around.

lonelyplanetmum Sun 03-Jul-11 17:31:46

Thank you for the advice. I think that I am going to do as you say and advise DD that it's perhaps time to move on. This is slightly difficult for me as I've known 'A's mother for over 12 years .....since meeting at ante natal classes! I have tried encouraging DD to be friends with 'B' as well, as she also went to the same primary school.However DD just feels excluded when she's there. Glad I'm not 12 again anyway!

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