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Finding it hard to 'deal' with my baby growing up

(12 Posts)
AcceptAndMoveOn Sun 19-Jun-11 22:46:20

My pfb is 11yo.

For the past year or so she has been going through puberty.

She hasn't actually started her periods yet but all the other signs are there and I know it's a matter of months, if not weeks, away.

We are very open about it all and discuss periods etc regularly, mainly because dd is dreading getting them and I want to prepare her the best I can.

It's killing me to see my baby growing up though sad

I know that it's irrational, and I know that this is a perfectly normal and indeed, necessary process that she has to go through, it's just that I can't help but feel that I didn't sign up for this!

With every sign of the advances of puberty, I am stupidly feeling more and more upset. I'm am remarkably nonchalant and matter of fact to dd about it all, but what I really want to do is cry "I want my baby back!!!"

Please tell me I'm not alone

LovelyDaffs Sun 19-Jun-11 22:53:44

You are not alone.

My eldest also 11 started her periods a couple of months ago and I found it hard to deal with, but in a way not as bad as I'd been anticipating. Last week we were about to go into a supermarket and I held out my hand and got a very withering look in response. I'm not sure when she stopped holding my hand, but I'm sure it's a recent thing and I don't like it. Writing this makes me realise that I'm being daft what 11 year old would hold her Mums hand in public - still don't like it though. Is yours in year 6 or 7, mines year 7 and she's really grown up since moving out of primary school.

AcceptAndMoveOn Sun 19-Jun-11 22:55:56

She's only year 6 ...still a baby! only young sad

AcceptAndMoveOn Sun 19-Jun-11 22:57:37

I can't remember the last time she held my hand either. She will link my arm occasionally, and is a master of that withering look!

ThatllDoPig Sun 19-Jun-11 23:00:15

I'm with you
My dd 11 too.
I started a thread the other day. I don't know how to do links, but it was in the preteen topics and asked for positive stories about teenage girls. People wrote some lovely things which were good to read.
It is sad though. Little body changing really quickly, despite her and me! Keep the communication open and enjoy your dd.

Sherbert37 Sun 19-Jun-11 23:08:28

Sorry but doesn't get any easier. My eldest has been abroad for a week with ten mates aged 17 &18. Realised when he got back that I had been holding my breath all week. I have 3 DCs and love having them around me. DS1 goes to uni in Sept on my birthday - sob. Those high school years go so quickly.

LovelyDaffs Sun 19-Jun-11 23:12:39

Noooooooo I was hoping I'd get used to it, like the first time you leave your dcs with a babysitter you can't enjoy yourself for worrying and now...

AcceptAndMoveOn Sun 19-Jun-11 23:25:00

It's not her going out/me worrying about her etc. that bothers me, per se.

She will start highschool in September and will have to catch public transport there and back. Because of this, we have been building up for the last year, giving dd more independance. She's pretty trustworthy (so far) and I'm happy with the way she's maturing in that respect.

Ridiculously, it's the physical changes that are killing me. I don't know why, but it makes me so sad and it makes things so ...definite!

She's growing up and there's not a damn thing I can do about it ...

ThatllDoPig Sun 19-Jun-11 23:28:02

accept did you have a scary time as a teenager? Just wondering, as I did, and despite counselling, I remain fearful for my dd, and paranoid about trying to find the right balance - to protect her, but not make her feel unsafe in the world.

AcceptAndMoveOn Sun 19-Jun-11 23:39:49

No, not particularly scary ThatllDoPig. I'm sad that you did - I hope you manage to get the right balance for your dd.

I do distinctly remember desperately not wanting to grow up though, I'm not sure if my fears could maybe linked to that somehow?
I hid the fact that I'd started my periods from my mum and used to use rolled up toilet roll in my pants. If they stained at all, I threw them away and bought more with my pocket money rather than put them in the wash basket. I didn't want my mum to know I was growing up.
I'm not sure why I was so irrational about it confused

My mum didn't talk a lot about puberty, apart from giving me the good old sit-down-here-we-need-to-talk-about-the-birds-and-the-bees chat <sigh>
I have been determined to it differently with my daughters. I haven't had any sit-down chat and have just answered questions as and when they ask. I talk openly about periods etc with them because I want it to be 'normal' and not something she needs to hide from me.

She generally responds with a 'yuk' but doesn't seem uncomfortable asking questions. She definitely doesn't want periods though, God bless her.

[who does? emoticon]

LovelyDaffs Mon 20-Jun-11 00:11:05

That's the same approach I've had with dd. I remembered not wanting to tell my mum (who was too open, think Edina Ab Fab), so put some pads in the bathroom cupboard and told dd that there were there for her to use if she didn't want to tell me or I was away. When it came to it she'd started at school (also had some pads in her bag) and didn't tell me for about half an hour after she got home. She didn't want dh to know, but I did point out to her that leaving the wrappers lying on that bathroom floor was a giveaway.

Dd2 is 9 I suspect I'll be fine second time around.

kreecherlivesupstairs Mon 20-Jun-11 09:51:12

I was just thinking about this yesterday. Me and DD (10) went to the cinema. She held my hand walking from the car, then held it during the film (king gu panda 2 - excreble shite BTW).
I wondered how long she would be happy to hold my hand. She is definitely changing, not necessirily bodywise, but her mood swings are a sight to behold.
She is desperate to start her periods [bonkers], but got very upset last week when DH commented that her stomach ache could be pre period pains. She is adamant that he won't ever find out when she starts hmm

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