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Question re nursery's handling of situation

(7 Posts)
Triggles Wed 19-Aug-09 18:41:29

My adult DD is quite upset and not sure who to contact to resolve this issue. Her 3yo son was "monitored" for a day at the nursery a few months ago by some type of "professional", due to what the nursery vaguely stated was "behavioural problems" but wouldn't really elaborate on details of what these problems were, other than an occasional biting issue, which we were led to believe (by the nursery) was improving.

Today, the nursery told DD that her 3yo son bit another child today, and said that the other child's parents stated if it happened again, they would be pulling their children out of the nursery. The nursery staff then told DD she needed to deal with her son by getting professional help.

The person monitoring him a few months ago stated that there were specific things the nursery could be doing to help with his behaviour. DD states she has no idea if they are doing these things, as she has gotten no feedback from the nursery about it at all, nor have they documented ANYTHING. It's like they go for a few weeks, telling her he's doing well, then they hit her with "he's acted up a few times over the last week" and expect her to deal with it. They never seem to be able to answer her questions (and to be honest, she's a bit hesitant and frustrated and doesn't really know what to ask either) about what leads up to these incidents or how they are handled immediately after the incident either.

Am I mistaken, or is this whole "you need to go get him professional help" thing incorrect?? Aren't THEY (the nursery) supposed to be helping (both by documenting these things as well as assisting in following care plans of some sort)her through this somewhat?? I feel that they are shuffling this onto her as they don't want to deal with it. I also find it odd that her son never bites at playgroup or at home (with other children). The nursery is the ONLY time he bites - and they NEVER seem to be able to give a good accounting as to what leads up to it - giving me the impression that they are not watching particularly closely. (I also wasn't pleased they pointed out to DD about the comments the other child's parents made, as that seemed a bit inflammatory and not particularly helpful - especially as to our knowledge the biting is rare and random and not the same child over and over.)

Would like advice to steer DD in the right direction please.

ilove Wed 19-Aug-09 21:50:50

My nephew is a biter and the only thing that has worked (both at nursery and at home/out and about) is a constant adult being a foot behimd him at all times to avert a bite before it happens. He is improving as his speech is getting better, but still needs "tagging" so that he cannot get his teeth into another child.

cookielove Wed 19-Aug-09 22:04:11

there should be documentation, even if it is just accident records, and while you cannot not request to see them you could ask them to check back and see how many times he has bitten in the last so many months.

If he was monitered at nursery there should have been documentaion to back this up and your daughter can request to see this, as it should only involve comments on her child.

It is very hard to stop a child biting unless you shadow them all day, which unless you have extra staff can also be hard to do, situations vary and reason for biting also do so this may be why he isn't biting else where.

Has your daughter been invited in to speak to the manager about said problems, if not i would encourage her to ask for a meeting, the nursery should have a written report concluding why he needs proffesional help, however from your post it seems that this has not happened.

From your post it does seem that they have been behaving un professionally.

I have looked after many biters, and they were and are all lovely little kiddlywinks especially now that those particular phases had passed

dilemma456 Thu 20-Aug-09 09:59:17

Message withdrawn

Triggles Thu 20-Aug-09 12:21:05

LOL Dilemma - her son has clobbered DD's son a couple times, so he's not lily-white either! grin DD was feeling upset that this family may leave the nursery over this, and I pointed out that if they leave the nursery that (A) it's THEIR choice and (B) they would be leaving more because the nursery isn't handling the situation well, NOT specifically because her son bit their son one time. But I agree, they are not acting professionally at all - I told DD this and recommended she think about other options.

dilemma456 Thu 20-Aug-09 12:58:05

Message withdrawn

mrz Thu 20-Aug-09 13:29:00

Who was this person monitoring your grandson?
Had your daughter given permission?
Have they provided her with a written report?
Doesn't seem very "professional" behaviour from the nursery.

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